Comninellis Nicholas - Nine things teens should know and parents are afraid to talk about: countdown to adolescence

First printing: February 2006

Second printing: March 2008

Copyright 2006 by New Leaf Press. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations in articles and reviews. For information write: New Leaf Press, P.O. Box 726, Green Forest, AR 72638.

ISBN-13: 978-0-89221-636-9

ISBN-10: 0-89221-636-0

Library of Congress Catalog Number: 2005936552

Cover and interior design:

Jayme Brandt, Twice Born, Eureka Springs, AR

Printed in the United States of America

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Contents

Foreword

Tucked into the beautiful Ozark Mountains where I also happen to live is one of the best-known secrets in the country.

Im talking about Kanakuk Kamps, run by my good friend Joe White. A summer home to thousands of teens each year, Kanakuk reflects Joes very large heart: full of love and compassion and understanding for new generations trying to find their place in the world. Outdoors activities are integrated with plenty of talk of values and faith. For years, parents have trusted Kanakuk and Joe White to be a positive, guiding force in the spiritual and social development of their childrens lives and future.

Because of that, Im very pleased to be able to recommend the latest book by Joe and his long-time co-author, Nicholas Comninellis. Joe and Nicholas are releasing 9 Things Teens Should Know And Parents are Afraid to Talk About.

Nicholas, who volunteers much of his time at the Kamps each summer, and Joe have a desire to bring parents and their kids closer together strengthening the family and its faith in a chaotic world where children are barraged with messages and temptations that can profoundly alter their lives in the worst of ways. At this critical stage of growing up, it can never be said too strongly how vital a strong foundation of faith and family support for these young people can be. The importance of faith and family is something Ive built my own ministry on, so this new book was easy for me to absorb and get excited about. Designed to foster dialogue between parent and child, the book is easy to read and the many relevant applications will, I trust, make it an invaluable guide for parents who want to do a better job communicating with their teens and vice versa! I believe this book will be an important guide for parents and an important bridge of communications to young people in addressing some of the most turbulent issues in society today.

I heartily recommend it; read it and be blessed.

Gary Smalley

Preface for Parents

Adolescence is a critical time for both parents and their children. Your kids are rapidly moving toward adulthood and experiencing enormous physical, emotional, and social changes. Yet many obstacles lie between them and a successful transition. Your relationship with your kids is also developing new dimensions, which may add either closeness or great distance between the two of you.

When your child was an infant and toddler, he or she required constant physical care hours on hours of feeding, bathing, dressing, and cuddling. As the years progressed, your role changed more toward encouraging intellectual and social development. You did homework together, pursued mutual hobbies, and arranged sleepovers with friends.

Now as an adolescent, more than ever, your child needs clear guidance. In a few short years, your child will be much more independent, immersed in the teen world a world filled with hazards. Alcoholism, drug addictions, pregnancy, violence, law violations, and suicide are often the first ones that come to mind, but other hazards also abound: depression, physical injuries, parental conflicts, pornography (both the overt and subtle), and poor school performance.

Each year at Kanakuk Kamps in the mountains of Missouri and Colorado, Joe White and his staff host 20,000 kids in a transparent environment that fosters an amazing amount of open communication. One crying need among many teenage campers is how dearly they want to spend more time with their parents, how much they desire direction in life from Mom and Dad, and how they treasure the advice their parents can give if they only would do so!

In medical practice, Dr. Nicholas Comninellis encounters multitudes of young people suffering the physical consequences of their misunderstandings about adolescence and the treacherous transition to adult life. They are often facing these crises alone because their parents are uninterested, too preoccupied, or completely absent.

You have a unique, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to make a difference in your childs life. As he or she gets ready to enter the teen years, you likely have the last extended opportunity ever to give your children the knowledge and skills required for conversion to adult life.

You probably have your doubts, but as your childs parent, there is no one who is better qualified to guide them through this critical stage. No one else knows your childs character like you do. Youve lived with them for years. No one else loves your child as ferociously as you do. Youve sacrificed vast quantities of sleep, energy, and money on their behalf. No one has a stronger interest in your childs success than you do. Youre willing to give whatever it takes to see them prosper in life. In spite of their mood swings and phases of resistance, after counseling countless adolescents we are convinced that parents hold the keys to a childs heart like no other human being on earth.

Giving Up at Halftime

In spite of these truths, most parents dont talk to their children about anything more than the superficial issues of daily life: their schedules, homework, and household chores. Its no wonder, then, that such kids are more likely to encounter problems as adolescents problems with potentially devastating consequences.

By guiding your child through this stage of life, you both prepare him or her for success, and help to protect yourself from profound disappointments. James Dobson, president of Focus on the Family, explains:

The primary reason adolescence is so distressing is because youngsters do not fully understand what is happening to them. Many of their fears and anxieties and discouragements could be obviated by a simple instructional program.

Yet where is the program? Where are the parents? In particular, where are the fathers? The average father of a teenager will only spend three and a half minutes a day talking with his son, but will spend about 40 hours a week working, 50 hours sleeping, and 7 hours dressing and grooming.

Multiplied over a lifetime, you can see the problem. The average father spends 25 years sleeping, 12 years working, 3 years grooming, and only 11 days and 16 hours talking to his son or daughter. A survey in a teen magazine found that only four and a half percent of Americas teenage girls felt that they could go to their father with a serious problem. Is this any wonder, given the little investment most fathers make into their kids lives?

Second-Rate Coaches

Lacking the active input of parents, children are going elsewhere to learn about adolescence and the adult world. Just where are they looking?

First of all, they turn to their peers especially those who are a year or two older. While your child may be fortunate to have a teenage mentor who will point him or her in the right direction, getting reliable guidance from another teen is quite a gamble. Your child might get lucky, but the odds are remote. Chances are that he or she will wind up following an older peer who has far less insight than you would ever choose.