Ron L. Deal - The Smart Stepfamily Participants Guide: An 8-Session Guide to a Healthy Stepfamily

2014 by Ron L. Deal

Published by Bethany House Publishers
11400 Hampshire Avenue South
Bloomington, Minnesota 55438
www.bethanyhouse.com

Bethany House Publishers is a division of
Baker Publishing Group, Grand Rapids, Michigan
www.bakerpublishinggroup.com

Ebook edition created 2014

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meansfor example, electronic, photocopy, recordingwithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

ISBN 978-1-4412-6421-3

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.

Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible, New International Readers Version. NIrV. Copyright 1995, 1996, 1998 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com

Cover design by Eric Walljasper

Contents

Welcome

Family life presents many challenges; stepfamilies face additional challenges unique to them, but with Gods guidance and the support of friends, facing those challenges can bring great rewards. It is my prayer that this series will help enrich your family and provide you the tools to create a healthy, Christ-centered family.

Ron L. Deal

Getting the Most From This Series

Whether you are an individual, couple, or group of couples studying this series together, this participants guide can be adapted for your needs. Each session walks you through discussion questions and practical advice for how to strengthen your home. Individuals and couples are welcome to complete the study by themselves (e.g., as part of a premarital counseling program), but we strongly recommend that you work through the material with a group of couples if possible (e.g., small group or Bible class). Research and my experience in stepfamily ministry suggest that fellowship and group discussion with other stepfamily couples is a vital part of applying the principles of this study. Together you will support each other and discover how to become a smart stepfamily. Pre-stepfamily couples are encouraged to attend groups with married couples to glean from their experience.

There are many different kinds of stepfamilies. Some are empty-nest with adult stepchildren and stepgrandchildren; others have young children. Some follow divorce, others the death of a spouse (or both), and others a non-marital birth. Still others have multiple homes to which children are moving back and forth, while other stepfamilies dont send children to any other home. These differences create opportunities for you as group members to learn from the perspective of others with situations different than yours and to practice empathy. Being able to hear, validate, and appreciate the experience of someone else is a very important skill for healthy stepfamilies. Practice this skill during your group discussions and take the skill home with you.

Let me make a few other recommendations for your study.

Start your group study by agreeing to the guidelines at the end of this section. Following these will help create a safe discussion environment for everyone.

Use this guide to take notes during the video presentation; each person should have their own participants guide (two per couple) because experience tells me that you will take different notes depending on whether you are a parent or stepparent, male or female, an insider or outsider. Its important that each of you be allowed to process the video presentation through the lens of your family experience and role.

Discussion questions before and after the video will help you assimilate and apply the teaching, so dont skip them. For optimum learning, groups should structure sessions to last 90 minutes so you have plenty of time to discuss and process the video content.

To get the most from this study you should purchase a copy of my book The Smart Stepfamily: Seven Steps to a Healthy Family, Revised and Expanded Edition . Some sessions invite you to read portions of the book aloud and discuss them. Plus, to reinforce important concepts, each session concludes with recommended reading from the book. This is important because the book offers additional content and addresses specific types of stepfamilies (e.g., those following death or later-in-life stepfamilies) that the video does not. When experienced in combination, the video and book make an excellent learning system.

This guide, when referencing the book or recommended reading, corresponds best to the Revised and Expanded Edition (2014) of The Smart Stepfamily. You can get by with a previous edition of the book, but it is recommended that everyone in a group use the Revised and Expanded Edition so youre all reading off the same page.

Id also like to recommend that you go online and take the Couple Checkup as a supplemental enrichment tool (available at www.SmartStepfamilies.com). This relationship profile is the most researched inventory of its kind and will give you great insight into the strengths of your relationship. I call it your Couple Positioning System (CPS). Like a GPS device that pinpoints your current location and then provides directions to your destination, this CPS device identifies your relationship strengths and growth areas and provides specific feedback on how you can deepen trust and closeness. The inventory adapts to your couple type, whether dating, engaged, or married, and provides personal feedback for your relationship. It only takes about thirty minutes to complete the inventory. I strongly encourage you to make use of this wonderful tool.

Additional Study

These resources can supplement this study or serve as follow-up studies for your group.

• The book The Remarriage Checkup (Ron L. Deal and David H. Olson) and the accompanying study guide is a recommended follow-up study to The Smart Stepfamily DVD. Together the two studies provide a comprehensive system for strengthening your marriage and stepfamily. This book is recommended for dating and married couples alike.
• The Smart Stepmom (with Laura Petherbridge) and The Smart Stepdad are recommended to both stepparents and biological parents (both include discussion questions for groups). Learning to work together as a parenting team is critical to the success of your marriage and family.
• Dating and the Single Parent is a must-read for dating or engaged couples. It will walk you through the stages of dating, help you discern what is best for the children, and once engaged equip you for life after the wedding.
• Life in a Blender, a booklet for children ages 10 and up, helps children adapt to their stepfamily, and the accompanying parent discussion guide connects parents to the hearts of their children. Available at FamilyLife.com.

Group Leaders

Guidelines for effective group discussion and instructions for leading your group through this material are available at the back of this guide.

Group Guidelines

1. Confidentiality We agree that what is said here stays here. We honor one anothers privacy and will not share stories or details heard in the group meeting with people who are not in attendance.
2. Honor Couples agree not to share intimate details without first asking our partner whether it is okay to share with the group. If youre not sure its okay to share, then it probably isnt. Wait and ask your spouse outside of the group.