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Ten years ago, Janet Woititz broke new ground in our understanding of what it is to be an Adult Child of an Alcoholic. Today she re-examines the movement and its inclusion of Adult Children from various dysfunctional family backgrounds who share the same characteristics. After more than ten years of working with ACoAs she shares the recovery hints that she has found to work. Read Adult Children of Alcoholics to see where the journey began and for ideas on where to go from here.
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Adult children of alcoholics--United States, Alcoholics--United States--Family relationships, Alcoholism.
publication date
:
1990
lcc
:
HV5132.W62 1990eb
ddc
:
362.2/92
subject
:
Adult children of alcoholics--United States, Alcoholics--United States--Family relationships, Alcoholism.
Page i
Adult Children of Alcoholics
(Expanded Edition)
Janet Geringer Woititz, Ed.D.
Health Communications, Inc. Deerfield Beach, Florida
Page ii
ISBN 1-55874-112-7
Copyright 1983, 1990 by Janet G. Woititz
All Rights Reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the written permission of the publisher.
Published by: Health Communications, Inc. 3201 S.W. 15th Street Deerfield Beach, Florida 33442-8124
Page iii
Acknowledgments
I want to thank those many people who helped to make this book possible. They are the children of alcoholic parents of all ages, and the children of nonalcoholic parents of all ages.
To Diane DuCharme, who convinced me to write this book.
To Sue Nobleman, Debby Parsons, Tom Perrin and Rob, for their tireless devotion to the project.
To Lisa, Danny and Dave.
To Kerry C., Jeff R., Irene G., Eleanor Q., Barbara P., Martha C., Loren S., my students at Montclair State, my students at Rutgers University Summer School for Alcohol Studies, my students in the Advanced Techniques in Family Therapy Course (Westchester Council on Alcoholism), Sharon Stone, Harvey Moscowitz, Linda Rudin, Eileen Patterson, Bernard Zweben and James F. Emmert.
Page v
Contents
Foreword to the Expanded Edition
vii
Introduction
xv
Notes
xxi
1. What Happened To You As A Child?
1
2. What Is Happening To You Now?
21
3. Breaking The Cycle
61
4. What About Your Children?
109
5. Recovery Hints
123
Recommended Reading
133
Page vii
Foreword To The Expanded Edition
Ten years ago when I began to explore the possibility of writing a book about what happened to children of alcoholics when they grew up, I had no idea what the impact of such a book would be.
It has long been my belief that anyone who sees the world in a slightly different way from others has a responsibility to publish and make those perspectives available to others. It was with this in mind that I began working on the project. My friends and colleagues shrugged their shoulders. I was, once again, making a mountain out of what others considered a mole hillor less. Since it was a familiar position for me to be in, I was not discouraged.
I had done my doctoral dissertation, Self-Esteem in Children of Alcoholics, in the middle 1970s. At that time, the only other work in this area was Margaret Cork's The Forgotten Children. There appeared to be very little interest in this topic. The prevailing thinking in the alcoholism field was that if the alcoholic got well, the family would get well. So attention was focused on the alcoholic. After all, most folks find the person with the lampshade on his/her head more interesting than the partner cowering in the corner. This was not true for me; I have always been more fascinated by the reactors than the actors.
The '70s, when I was doing my research, was an era of great individual exploration. It was a time of encounter groups, drug exploration and sexual freedom. It was a
Page viii
time of I - I - I. So the idea that there were millions of people being profoundly impacted by the behaviors and attitudes of others and who had no self to indulge ran contrary to the flow of the time.
I had been outspoken against the Vietnam war when John Kennedy was in office. I had argued for civil rights before the sit-ins. Since I was acutely aware of the overwhelming impact of my husband's alcoholism on me and my children, it was only natural that I call it the way that I saw it. It also was not surprising that my point of view was not shared.
My continuing interest in what happens to the family led to my writing Marriage on the Rocks. I had found that if I gave my clients a talk about what other folks I knew felt about living with alcoholism, it would cut down their denial. When I told them before they told me, they were amazed and relieved. This led me to believe that if someone saw their feelings and experiences in print, it would validate them even more strongly and be helpful in the therapeutic process. Someone needed to bring this reality out of the closet. This information had to be shared.
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