Karren Kae Kearney - The Evolution of Intimacy, a Personal Story: Hope for Adult Children of Alcoholics and Others in Dysfunctional Relationships

THE EVOLUTION OF INTIMACY

By the same author

The Unseen Side of Me A Journey from
Disgrace to Grace (2010)

T HE E VOLUTION

of

I NTIMACY

A Personal Story

Hope for Adult Children of Alcoholics And
Others in Dysfunctional Relationships

K ARREN K AE K EARNEY

The Evolution of Intimacy : A Personal Story:
Hope for Adult Children of Alcoholics And Others in
Dysfunctional Relationships

Published by Gatekeeper Press

2167 Stringtown Rd, Suite 109

Columbus, OH 43123-2989

www.GatekeeperPress.com

Copyright 2019 by Karren Kae Kearney

All rights reserved. Neither this book, nor any parts within it
may be sold or reproduced in any form or by any electronic or
mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval
systems without permission in writing from the author.
The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short
excerpts in a review.

ISBN (paperback): 9781642376234
eISBN: 9781642376241

Printed in the United States of America

This book is dedicated to

Glo and Gudrun

In Appreciation for all their Love and Guidance

Contents

Introduction

If you find no one to support you on the spiritual path, walk alone. There is no companionship with the immature.

Buddha

I T S BEEN ALMOST ten years since my first book The Unseen Side of Me/A Journey from Disgrace to Grace was published. It recounts my personal recovery from what the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous calls a Hopeless state of mind and body, and includes experiences of dealing with compulsive overeating, and food addiction, co-dependency, and sex and love addiction. Growing up as the adult child of an alcoholic mother and maternal grandmother earned me a seat in Al-anon and Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA), while dealing with my own alcoholism and recovery in Alcoholics Anonymous. My recovery developed while employed as a Licensed Vocational Nurse, working in mental health, and later as a Registered Addiction Specialist. I am now retired; unfortunately we never retire from working a 12-step program.

There never were any expectations regarding the publication of my first book, other than putting my story in print to help those suffering from a variety of addictions. I wanted to write a book to assist professionals in the field of addiction and co-dependency in the hope of giving them a more comprehensive understanding of those of us who suffer from multiple addictions, and work in the field of addiction as well. In my first book I coined the term Multiple Dissociate Addictive Disorder in an attempt to understand why I kept switching addictions. It is by no means a scientific or medical diagnosis. The important thing to remember is there is no cure for any addiction, only treatment. For me, after thirty-two years of recovery, the Spiritual Solution has been the only thing that continues to work.

If you are an alcoholic, drug addict, compulsive overeater, food addict, compulsive gambler, co-dependent, or raised in an alcoholic, military, or strictly religious family, or work in the field of addictions, this new book may be of some help to you. The story is personal and includes my honest account of living with and recovering from multiple addictions and comes from the perspective of a retired Registered Addiction Specialist. My recovery started in Overeaters Anonymous in 1986. After a few years of recovery my therapist recommended attending Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. Seven years later I switched to alcohol and started attending Alcoholics Anonymous. I currently have twenty years sobriety, and am a double winner, being a grateful member of Al-Anon for over thirty-two years as well.

One of the things that kept coming up with each addiction, and 12-step fellowship was my inability to have close, intimate relationships. As a Registered Addiction Specialist, and a 12-step sponsor to others I saw the same issues. I saw so many drink, use drugs, or eat food compulsively because of the things that were eating at them. It usually ended being their inability to communicate their needs to others that got in the way.

My experience has been on any given day I wasand amjust as susceptible to relapse as my clients. As I grew in recovery in OA it became clear to me that food addiction and addiction to sugar and flour were issues for me. Over the years Ive had experience with Food Addicts Anonymous, Food Addicts in Recovery, Overeater Anonymous, and H.O.W. They all were equally helpful to me at different times of my life. Compulsive eating and food addiction are complicated illnesses because one cant just give up food. Whether a person is overweight, underweight or normal weight, what all food addicts suffer from is an unhealthy relationship with food, and/or a distorted body image. The spiritual awakening that came about by working the 12-steps is what healed me. The 12-step fellowships were the last house on the block for my eating disorder. They helped, whereas the three major professional weight loss programs, where thousands of dollars were spent, and a gastric bypass surgery, were of no help to me at all. There have been many people supporting me on my path of recovery. Some of them walked ahead of me, while others walked beside or behind me. Then there were those unable, in spite of my desire, or theirs, to walk with me. These wonderful people were released to the God of their own understanding.

This present book continues my journey from where my first book ended. It describes my continuing recovery in 12-step programs, and my personal spiritual journey. The story begins with me moving to Santa Rosa, California, to marry my third husband, Patrick, in 2004, and chronicles our 12-step journey together. In my first book hes called PC, an acronym for Private Case, a reference to a book he wrote and published in 1981. In the middle of a co-dependent slip, based on fear of losing the connection to my family of origin, I gave into their demands that their real names would be withheld, except for my own. There were no such agreements with this book. We are only as sick as our secrets. I will no longer be responsible for others truths. Denial is the number one killer of all addicts. This new book is about healing from all my addictions, and how its possible to live without co-dependency destroying your life. Many life changes have taken place over the last fourteen years, and there were slips along the way, but real love, and the forever presence of a loving God, won out.

The book explores what its like to remain abstinent with alcohol, food, free from co-dependency and sex and love addiction while developing a close, intimate relationship with the person who chose to walk beside me on my path of enlightenment. Most addicts have a fear of authentic intimacy. The word intimacy means in-to-me-see. To let another person see who you are takes courage and patience. This book also details the changes and losses in our lives, and the grief that followed. In the end its about hope. If someone like me at the age of fifty-nine, when I met Patrick, can find unconditional love and live free from all addictions, then its possible for anyone.

My current husband has been walking this path of recovery with me for fourteen years now, and joined the path himself a few years after we were married by becoming a member of Al-Anon. I am grateful, amazed and hopeful. He deserves recovery and love as well, and without his love and willingness to do the work with mecoupled with our sense of humorthere wouldnt be a marriage. He is the best cheerleader one could have ever hoped for to walk on this path to a better, more loving and lived life.