Anne Manne - The Life of I: The New Culture of Narcissism

When she writes of empathy, of love, nurture and pity, you get a clear sense of exactly what we might lose if we do not take more careof one another and the world in which we live.

Morag Fraser, Fairfax Media

A lucid and important book on an inescapable modern theme.

Richard King, Weekend Australian

The Life of I distils the power and prevalence of narcissism in social life today through mixing psychoanalysis and sociology, history, and biography.

Anthony Elliott, ABR Australian Book Review

Anne Manne is a Melbourne writer. She has been a regular columnist for the Australian and the Age. More recently her essays on contemporary culture such as child abuse, pornography, gendercide and disability have all appeared in The Monthly magazine. Her essay Ebony: The Girl in the Room, was included in The Best Australian Essays: A Ten-Year Collection. Her book, Motherhood: How Should We Care for Our Children, was a finalist in the Walkley Award for Best Non-Fiction Book of 2006. She has written a Quarterly Essay, Love and Money; The Family and the Free Market, and a memoir, So This is Life: Scenes from a Country Childhood.

MELBOURNE UNIVERSITY PRESS

An imprint of Melbourne University Publishing Limited

1115 Argyle Place South, Carlton, Victoria 3053, Australia

www.mup.com.au

First published 2014

Reprinted twice, 2014

Reprinted (twice) 2015

This edition published 2015

Text Anne Manne, 2015

Design and typography Melbourne University Publishing Limited, 2015

This book is copyright. Apart from any use permitted under the Copyright Act 1968 and subsequent amendments, no part may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted by any means or process whatsoever without the prior written permission of the publishers.

Every attempt has been made to locate the copyright holders for material quoted in this book. Any person or organisation that may have been overlooked or misattributed may contact the publisher.

Cover design by Jenny Grigg

Typeset in Berthold Baskerville 12/16pt by Cannon Typesetting

Printed in Australia by McPhersons Printing Group

National Library of Australia Cataloguing-in-Publication entry

Manne, Anne, author.

The life of I : the new culture of narcissim / Anne Manne.

9780522861082 (paperback)
9780522861099 (ebook)

Narcissism.
Self.
Personality and culture.
Moral development.

616.85854

W RITING SEEMS A solitary taskyet it is also a deeply collaborative process. One is surrounded by companions, even while alone at ones desk. In a book ranging across so many subjects, there are all the wonderful writers, scholars, thinkers and courageous journalists whose work one engages with and benefits from on a daily basis. It is not always possible in to pay tribute to each one, but all those I have talked to or read have made important contributions to the book.

Thanks to Frances Salo Thompson and The Melbourne Psychoanalytic Society, and Ron Spielman from the Sydney Psychoanalytic Societies who invited me to write a lecture on the 150th anniversary of Freuds birth, which formed the kernel of . Frances and Vivienne Elton also generously shared their ideas on narcissism, as did Ron Spielman. I have received so much encouragement from friends in the writing of this book it is impossible to mention them all, so I will just mention a few. To Naomi Stadlen and Lauren Porter, the strength of our friendship and our long-standing conversation about what matters means more to me than I can say. Tom Pataki has always been a wonderful interlocutor on psychoanalysis, and to Rai Gaita, whose every word is antithetical to narcissism and his lovely wife Yael, you are precious to me.

A book is also a collaborative enterprise with the publisher. Sadly, few readers would know that behind the authors name is a small army of contributors, without whom the book would never come to fruition. I am grateful to the many people at Melbourne University Publishing who have given energy and attention to this project. Many thanks to my publisher Louise Adler for sparkling lunches and her exuberant enthusiasm, as the ideas were first sketched out. To my editor Sally Heath, thanks for your encouragement, perceptive eye for what interests readers, patience and unfailing good humour as we worked to a tight deadline. Copy-editor Emma Schwartz was a rigorous and careful first reader, while a cool-headed Penelope White did a wonderful job pulling together the manuscript over the final stages. I am very grateful to both of them for the high standard of their work. Many thanks also to designer Jenny Grigg for her stunning cover and to publicist Terri King for her indefatigable efforts.

The books gestation also coincided with my mothers growing frailty. Thank you for your pride in this book. I hope I have your courage and stoicism in the face of ageing, yet at the same time the willingness to enjoy life and reach out to new friends when I am ninety! My daughters Kate and Lucy and my son-in-law Daniel, remain an inspiration with their piercing wit, high intelligence, moral seriousness, and deep capacity for empathy and care.

The deepest debt, of this book and my life, is to my husband Robert Manne. He has been the great encourager of my work. No one could have done more than he did in the course of writing and during the final stages. Typical of his generosity and capacity for attentiveness, he took over all domestic tasks and responsibility for our many animals, looked after me tenderly, yet still gave his formidable intelligence to reading and editing every draft. Not a day goes past without me feeling an astonished gratitude for the goodness of his character, and the happiness in our marriage. He is my truest friend and the very great love of my life. It is to him that the book is dedicated.

Paranoia is the self-cure for insignificance the paranoiac is at the centre of a world which has no centre to be hated makes him feel real: he has made his presence felt. To be unforgivable is to be unforgettable.

Adam Phillips, psychoanalyst

I T WAS THE THE first day of the holiday season in Norway. On the idyllic island of Utya, in the great tradition of the Norwegian labour movement, young idealists gathered for their annual camp. In a tent city sprawled cosily among the trees, the teenagers could meet, passionately discuss politics, talk and sing around the campfires, go hiking and fall in love. In the tiny coves beneath the rocks, the water from the lake, deep and cold, lapped quietly on the shore.

Just then news of a bomb blast came across the radio, shattering the calm of the day. Terrorists, it seemed, had struck at the very centre of the peaceful Scandinavian nation. Eight were dead, many more injured. Frightened parents texted their children, telling them how glad they were that they were safe at Utya.

A handsome blond man, heavily armed and dressed in police garb, walked calmly towards the youngsters, beckoning them to come closer, telling them, You will be safe with me. Im a cop. Alarmed by news of the bomb, and reassured by the fact of his uniform, many of them began to move towards him. Then he shouted, You all must die! And opened fire.