Ivy Finnegan - The Super Fun Joke Book: Over 900 Puns, Gags, and Wisecracks!

Why wouldnt the oyster twins share? Because they were two shellfish! What did the lion cub say to its mother? Every day I love you roar and roar! Which fruit do twins like best? Pears! Kurt: What has four legs, spots, and smells bad? Bert: Me and my brother! What happened when Granny Smith married Mr. Braeburn? They all lived appley ever after. What makes your brother so dumb? He tried to borrow Facebook from the library! When are basketball players like babies? When they dribble! Why shouldnt you worry if you see mice in your home? Theyre probably doing the mousework! Dad: Why didnt you come straight home from school? Sebastian: Because we live around the corner! Frankie: There are only two things stopping me from getting onto the school soccer team. Dad: What are they? Frankie: My feet! Teacher: What is the plural of baby? Frances: Twins! What clothes does a house wear? Address! Raquel: Why does your mother wear two sweaters for golf? Michelle: In case she gets a hole in one! Christine: My dad can juggle eggshells, yesterdays newspaper, and an empty box! Eugene: Thats garbage! How many kids does it take to change a light bulb? Threeone to say, But I didnt leave it on, and two to say, But I changed it last time! What Ancient Greek land is like your brothers bedroom? Mess-opotamia! Where can you take a pet cat for a day trip? To the mew-seum! Casey: Why is your sister so good at sport? Stacey: She has athletes foot! Ron: Why are you taking planks and a hammer to the sports hall? John: Im going for fencing lessons! Dad: What shade is your new cheerleading uniform? Lucy: Yeller! Why are grandpas teeth like stars? Because they come out at night! My sister is so dumb, she went to the dentist to get her Bluetooth fixed! What dog does Dracula keep as a pet? A bloodhound! What do you give your pet rat to eat? Ratatouille! Carrie: Did you just feed garlic bread to our dog? Harry: Yesits bark is much worse than its bite! Whats the difference between a boring parent and a boring book? You can shut the book up! Dad: Why did you oversleep this morning? Toby: I was dreaming about a soccer game, and it went into extra time! Why did grandma run around her bed? She wanted to catch up on her sleep! Karen: I wish your choir would only sing Christmas carols. Aaron: Aw, thanks. Do you like me singing them most of all? Karen: No, but I would only have to hear you sing once a year! Matthew: I just banged my head on my desk.

Teacher: Have you seen the school nurse? Matthew: No, just stars. Charlie: Did you hear about the explosion at the French cheese factory? Carly: Yes, all that was left was de Brie! Winnie: Why is there a plane outside your bedroom door? Vinnie: I must have left the landing light on!

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