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Diane Musho Hamilton - Compassionate Conversations: How to Speak and Listen from the Heart

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Diane Musho Hamilton Compassionate Conversations: How to Speak and Listen from the Heart

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The definitive guide to learning effective skills for engaging in open and honest conversations about divisive issues from three professional mediators.When a conversation takes a turn into the sometimes uncomfortable and often contentious topics of race, religion, gender, sexuality, and politics, it can be difficult to know what to say or how to respond to someone you disagree with. Compassionate Conversations empowers us to transform these conversations into opportunities to bridge divides and mend relationships by providing the basic set of conflict resolution skills we need to be successful, including listening, reframing, and dealing with strong emotions. Addressing the long history of injury and pain for marginalized groups, the authors explore topics like social privilege, power dynamics, and, political correctness allowing us to be more mindful in our conversations. Each chapter contains practices and reflection questions to help readers feel more prepared to talk through polarizing issues, ultimately encouraging us to take risks, to understand and recognize our deep commonalities, to be willing to make mistakes, and to become more intimate with expressing our truths, as well as listening to those of others.

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Acknowledgments We want to thank the people who have been helpful in bringing - photo 1
Acknowledgments

We want to thank the people who have been helpful in bringing this book to print:

Jeff Salzman, Terry Patten, and Greg Thomas were extremely helpful in clarifying some of the ideas related to Integral Theory and its application to these conversations.

Randee Levine generously shared her teachings and experience regarding power relationships.

Our friends in the Freedom and Fairness workshops and online classes have given us confidence that compassionate conversations matter. We want to thank them for their sincere desire to learn, grow, and evolve our relationships.

Lisa Hartwick offered her wisdom and supported our faith in the tremendous importance of healing.

Willie Hamilton Smith provided us with excellent stories, insights, and wit.

A very special thank-you to Julia Sati, who refined our ideas and proofread the first draft with her unique devotion and rigor.

Much gratitude to our Shambhala editor, Sarah Stanton, for her interest in the content of this book.

Finally, we wish to extend our gratitude and love to Michael Zimmerman, Denise and Robert Wilson, Nado, Vov, Alana Felt, Jenny, Swee-Im, and David for their wholehearted support.

To Ken Wilber whose expansive vision and pioneering work invites us into a - photo 2

To Ken Wilber,

whose expansive vision and pioneering work

invites us into a more inclusive human story.

Shambhala Publications, Inc.

4720 Walnut Street

Boulder, Colorado 80301

www.shambhala.com

2020 by Diane Musho Hamilton, Gabriel Menegale Wilson, Kimberly Loh

Interior design: Greta D. Sibley

Cover design by Amanda Weiss

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Hamilton, Diane Musho, author. | Wilson, Gabriel Menegale, author. | Loh, Kimberly, author.

Title: Compassionate conversations: how to speak and listen from the heart/Diane Musho Hamilton, Gabriel Menegale Wilson, Kimberly Loh.

Description: First edition. | Boulder: Shambhala, 2020. | Includes bibliographical references and index.

Identifiers: LCCN 2019040810 | ISBN 9781611807783 (trade paperback)

eISBN 9780834842649

Subjects: LCSH: Interpersonal communication. | Conversation. | Interpersonal conflict. | Justice.

Classification: LCC BF637.C45 H32819 2020 | DDC 153.6-dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019040810

v5.4

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Index

Note: Index entries from the print edition of this book have been included for use as search terms. They can be located by using the search feature of your e-book reader.

Adichie, Chimamanda Ngozi

aggression. See also microaggression

Alhamad, Alqumit

American Psychological Association

anger

bodily sensation of

in conversations

releasing

sadness and

as shadow

trauma and

white fragility and

anxiety

in conversations

as fear

from historical pain

of one-down dynamic

overcoming

praise and

role of nervous system in

apartheid

appreciation

of connection

of differences

expressing

mutual

of positive feelings

atonement

attention

to emotions

intention and

narrowing

of others, losing

to power dynamics

to present moment

trauma and

unconditional

awakening, spiritual

awareness

as curative

enhancing

heart and

in meditation

self-interest and

unconditioned

See also self-awareness

Barks, Coleman

Baruch, Bernard

bearing witness

bias

evaluating

gender

hidden

materialist view of

negativity

overcoming

systemic

big bang

birth. See also precious human birth

black churches

blind spots

bodhisattva vow

bodily sensations

in conflict

of emotions

of heart connection

in one-down dynamic

of others, relating to

presence with

of strong emotions

in transmuting emotions

in trauma

body-mind. See also mind-body feedback loop

Boyd, Merle Kodo

brain. See also frontal cortex; prefrontal cortex

breath

Buddha

Buddhism

Mahayana

Tibetan

See also Zen

Burning Man

Caldwell, Tommy

cancel culture,

Carlin, George

Catholicism

chakras

Chang, Chin-Chen

Chiggala Sutra

Childre, Doc

Children of Men, The (James)

China

Chinese tradition

climate change

cognition

Coherence (Watkins)

Collaborative Way, The (Fickett)

Colwell, Rebecca Ejo

commonalities

of authors

praise and

See also sameness

compassion

boundless

in community

cultivating

forgiveness and

in Kosmocentrism

from mistakes

natural arising of

under pressure

privilege and

as renewable resource

sadness and

spirituality and

tonglen in developing

of unbiased mind

conflict

in conversations

usefulness of

views of

connection

desire for

differences and

discomfort and

egocentrism and

pain and

praise and

reestablishing

through listening

conversation

about pain

about privilege

compassionate

conflict in

cultural transformation in

egocentrism in

emotions in

evolutionary context for

fear in

grief in

humanizing

Kosmocentrism in

pluralism in

political correctness in

power in

public

sadness in

shadow in

shared intention in

trauma and

conversational skills

agreement-keeping

being for each other

evolving

individual development, variance in

intention and

listening

mindfulness and awareness

need for

praise

six ground rules

straight talk

support and challenge

three perspectives, utilizing

courage

creativity

adversity and

challenges and

of conflict

evolution as

as power

shadow work and

through differences

criminal justice system

culture

appropriation of

bias regarding

conflict and

engaging

evolution of

identity and

power and

straight talk and

Dalai Lama, fourteenth (Tenzin Gyatso)

Dante

Dawn Wall, The,

de Chardin, Pierre Teilhard

death

depression

developmental psychology

developmental stages/identities. See also egocentrism; ethnocentrism; Kosmocentrism; Worldcentrism

Diamond, Julie

DiAngelo, Robin

differences

of authors

engaging

integrating

political correctness and

and sameness, relationship between

stress responses to

strong emotions and

valuing and devaluing

Worldcentrism and

Difficult Conversations (Stone, Patton, Heen)

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