Christopher McCluskey - When Two Become One: Enhancing Sexual Intimacy in Marriage

2004 by Christopher and Rachel McCluskey

Published by Revell
a division of Baker Publishing Group
P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287
www.revellbooks.com

Ebook edition created 2013

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meansfor example, electronic, photocopy, recordingwithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

ISBN 978-1-58558-122-1

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.

Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NASB are taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE . Copyright The Lockman Foundation 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations marked NKJV are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

The authors have written this book as an educational resource, not as a tool to be used for diagnosis and treatment. The information presented is in no way a substitute for consultation with a certified sex therapist, psychotherapist, or physician. Although the authors have carefully researched all sources to ensure the accuracy and completeness of the information, the publisher and authors shall have neither liability nor responsibility to any person or entity with respect to any loss, damage, or injury caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly by the information presented. Treatment of medical conditions, marital or emotional problems, and wellness should always be supervised by an appropriate licensed health care professional.

All case vignettes are drawn from the experiences of real clients treated by Christopher McCluskey, MSW, LCSW, FAACS, although names and significant details have been altered to protect the privacy of those involved.

The internet addresses, email addresses, and phone numbers in this book are accurate at the time of publication. They are provided as a resource. Baker Publishing Group does not endorse them or vouch for their content or permanence.

One of the healthiest, most biblically consistent, and God-honoring presentations of sexuality I have ever read.

D R. G ARY O LIVER
executive director,
the Center of Marriage & Family Studies at John Brown University

No matter how long youve been married (or if you are about to be married), When Two Become One can enrich your life.

D R. H. N ORMAN W RIGHT
bestselling author of Quiet Times for Couples

This is a wonderful book that I can endorse enthusiastically. It is clearly written, biblically based, richly illustrated with stories, an intensely practical.

D R. G ARY C OLLINS
founding editor,
Christian Counseling Today magazine and bestselling author

I strongly endorse this book. It should be mandatory reading for all premarital couples.

D R. A RCHIBALD H ART
dean emeritus,
Fuller Theological Seminary and bestselling author

This book is a must-read for couples wishing to enhance their love life.

D R. D OUGLAS R OSENAU
bestselling author of A Celebration of Sex

should be read by every married couple who wish to transform their experience of simply having sex into truly making love.

E LDER B OBBY G IBSON S R.
director of counseling,
The Potters House Church/T. D. Jakes Ministries

Offering a refreshing approach, the McCluskeys capture the essence of marital sexual intimacy with a much needed emphasis on the emotional-spiritual connection so vital to couples discovering complete sexual satisfaction.

D R. C LIFFORD AND J OYCE P ENNER
bestselling authors of The Gift of Sex and Men and Sex

When Two Become One will challenge you to celebrate Gods good gift of sex in your marriage and will help you create a deeper intimacy and connectedness with your spouse. The question & answer sections just may answer yours!

D AVID AND C LAUDIA A RP
authors of the 10 Great Dates series
and Love Life for Parents

When Two Become One helps couples understand sexual intimacy as an act of worship, painting a beautiful picture of the way God intended it.

A L D ENSON
award-winning Christian artist/songwriter

The McCluskeys unveil a model to assist couples in growing deeper in their love for God and one another. Enjoy this magnificent picture of marital love as commitment, action, devotion, and sacrifice.

W ILLIAM R. C UTRER , M.D., OB/GYN
certified Christian sex therapist, author of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage ,
and Gheens professor at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary

A soon-to-be classic on sexuality within the Christian community.

D R. R OBERT M CCALL
coordinator of missionary care,
Church of God World Missions International

With biblically informed wisdom and clinically shaped insight, the McCluskeys have crafted a sensitive, practical, and God-glorifying classic. If you read only one book on this subject, this ought to be the one!

D R. S ANDRA W ILSON
author of Released from Shame and Into Abbas Arms

Christopher and Rachel blow away the mist that has shrouded the sacrament of marriage, revealing the biblical truth that sexuality is the physical picture of a spiritual reality.

M ONTE AND K AREN S WAN
authors of Romancing Your Childs Heart and Hearth and Home

When Two Become One captures the true spirit of making love, affirming a womans desire for relational intimacy and bonding, as well as encouraging passion. Couples will grow in their sense of Gods delight as they enjoy his wedding gift.

D EBRA T AYLOR , M.A.
certified sex therapist and coauthor of
Secrets of Eve: Understanding the Mystery of Female Sexuality

This is a wonderful book that speaks to the sacred heart of marital sex. I will assign couples I work with to read it together.

R EV. M ICHAEL S YTSMA , P H. D.
certified sex therapist and founder of
Building Intimate Marriages, Inc.

Chriss warm, practical teaching has helped my students gain a biblical perspective on sexuality that has helped them both personally and professionally.

D R. J IM H URLEY
department chair,
Marriage and Family Therapy Program,
Reformed Theological Seminary

Christopher and Rachel McCluskey demonstrate how sexual intimacy is not only Gods plan for marriage but also a powerful means of worshiping and glorifying the Father. Well refer to this book over and overits a must-read.

C LARENCE AND B RENDA S HULER
Building Lasting Relationships, Inc. (in conjunction
with FamilyLife and the Billy Graham School of Evangelism)

This book is dedicated to Alyssa, Colin, Grace, Drew, Sarah, Braden, and any other children with whom the Lord has yet to bless us, and to your future spouses. We pray the Lord will preserve and prepare you in this most precious area of your being, that you may one day give yourselves completely and only to each other in Christian marriage.

Preface

T his book is about intimacy and sexuality within Christian marriage. If you have purchased it in preparation for marriage or in the hope of healing or enhancing what you already share within marriage, you are to be commended. There is perhaps no other blessing our Lord gives that is as bonding for couples and yet has so much potential for pain and brokenness as sexuality. You are wise to do some reading and discussion with your spouse on such a powerful and volatile subject. When you do, you stand to gain immeasurably in your intimacy and oneness as a couple, as well as to avoid or turn back waves of devastation that many marriages never survive.