Gary Rosberg - The 5 Sex Needs of Men & Women

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The Five Sex Needs of Men and Women

Copyright 2006 by Gary and Barbara Rosberg. All rights reserved.

Cover photo of curtains copyright by Jean-Claude Marlaud/Getty Images. All rights reserved.

Rosbergs photo copyright 2004 by Martha J. Dameron Photography. All rights reserved.

Designed by Ron Kaufmann

Edited by Lynn Vanderzalm

Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible , New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible , New International Version. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked KJV are taken from the Holy Bible , King James Version.

The names and some of the details in the illustrations used in this book have been changed to protect the privacy of the people who shared their stories.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Rosberg, Gary, date.

The 5 sex needs of men and women / Gary and Barbara Rosberg with Ginger Kolbaba.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references.

ISBN-13: 978-1-4143-0183-9 (hc : alk. paper)

ISBN-10: 1-4143-0183-9 (hc : alk. paper)

ISBN-13: 978-1-4143-0184-6 (sc : alk. paper)

ISBN-10: 1-4143-0184-7 (sc : alk. paper)

1. Sex Religious aspects Christianity. I. Rosberg, Barbara. II. Kolbaba, Ginger. III. Title. IV. Title: Five sex needs of men and women.

BT708.R62 2006

248.844 dc22 2006009725

Build: 2013-11-13 09:47:47

To

Jerry and Nancy Foster

Mike and Linda Colby

Tim and Michelle Vermillion

* * *

It has been a joy to walk as four couples through life in friendship and accountability since 1979.

We have been with each other as our children have been born, as they have been raised up in Jesus, as many of them have been married, and as we are now in the grandparenting years.

We have celebrated memories together and even grieved the loss of parents together.

Lets now finish strong together in our marriages, friendships, and impact for Jesus Christ!

We love you all.

* * *

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

You are writing what? We cant tell you the number of times we heard that question when we mentioned we were writing a book titled The Five Sex Needs of Men and Women. We heard curious questions and saw some red faces. But most people said, I cant wait to get my copy.

Why the strong responses to this book and title? We believe its because God created sex and has a great plan for your marriage in the area of sexual intimacy. But there is also another reason. We believe that many, if not most, Christian couples have been so overwhelmed with messages about sex that they are confused, concerned, and have truly legitimate questions about what a great sex life in a great Christian marriage looks like. The book you are holding has been labored over like all of the books we have written, but this one has a unique capacity to really give you, a husband and wife, a great deal of insight, coaching, and inspiration to have the best sex life you could ever imagine. And like all of our books, this one has been a team effort.

At the core of this team have been three women who have used their gifts, talents, and time to minister to us as well as to you. The first person we want to acknowledge is Ginger Kolbaba. Ginger is the managing editor of Marriage Partnership magazine. She is well respected in the field of marriage literature, and when we identified early on that we wanted a strong collaborator in the writing, her name was at the top of the list. For several days, tucked away in a historic river city along the Mississippi, Ginger met with us and helped craft this message. She brought her skill, humor, and passion for marriage to every page. Thank you, Ginger. Truly, without you this book never would have been written.

Second, we commend Sarah Carroll for a job well done. Today Sarah is a stay-at-home mom with her new baby daughter, but for several years she worked alongside us as our radio researcher. We first met her when she was fourteen years old and submitted an essay for a radio contest on our program. She won the contest hands down. She then interned with us as a college student, eventually holding a vital role as our researcher for our daily radio program. Early on in the development of the manuscript for this book, she labored with us, crafting the early stages. At the end of the project she jumped back into the game and helped immeasurably by tracking down footnotes, sources, and more. Kudos to you, Sarah! Your talent is outmatched only by your passion for your marriage and for being a mom.

And third, we want to thank Lynn Vanderzalm, our editor. Lynn was one of the first people we met years ago at Tyndale House Publishers. And from the first meeting to the editing of our first Tyndale book, The Five Love Needs of Men and Women, and then on to eleven other book projects, she has been our champion, helping to forge out the best books we had in us. We heard Lynn referred to as the velvet hammer by another writer, and it describes her well. With love and grace she works with authors to keep digging down deep to bring the best message to readers. More important, she is a dear friend, and we honor her with this book.

We also thank our team at our ministry, Americas Family Coaches, as well as our board of directors, who equip us daily to do what we are passionate about doing: speaking and writing in different ways from radio to books to conferences so we can speak into the hearts of marriages in America and beyond. Everyone who comes into contact with our team and board comments that they are remarkable folks. And they are that and more. We love you and thank you.

Thanks to our other friends at Tyndale: Ron Beers, Ken Petersen, Carol Traver, MaryLynn Layman, and more. You make us look far better than we are, and we thank you for your partnership but much more for your friendship. It is a great experience doing books the old-fashioned way, through a relationship. We promise to honor Jesus with this book.

And finally, we thank our kids and grandkids, who once again sacrificed time with Papa and Gaga Rosberg (thats us) so that we could write a book. We promised you we wouldnt embarrass you with this topic of sex, and we dont believe we did. What a joy to be your mom and dad and grandparents. Our legacy is rich with passion for marriage and Jesus Christ. It doesnt get any better than this, kids. Now guard your hearts, and go back to doing what you do best... loving Jesus, each other, and us!

Gary and Barb Rosberg

CHAPTER 1

ITS NOT JUST ABOUT TECHNIQUE

When we were preparing to write this book, we took a weekend and drove six hours to a small tourist town where we would be free from distractions and interruptions. On our last day there, as we were walking to a restaurant for lunch, our daughter Sarah called us on our cell phone. She sounded panicked about what we were writing.

Mom, she said, youre not writing a technique book, are you?