De Angelis - Are you the one for me?: how to have the relationship youve always wanted

F alling in love is a magical and powerful experience. Each kiss, each conversation, each moment in the beginning seems so right, so perfect. But soon attraction and infatuation become a relationship, and we are brought down to earth with the challenging realities of sharing our life with another human being. And as those first enchanted weeks turn into months, one day we find ourselves asking: Is this person right for me?

If youve ever been in a serious relationship, youve asked yourself this questionbefore you made a commitment, before you got married, or, if the relationship didnt work, before you decided to leave for good.

I used to hear this question every day when I had a radio talk show in Los Angeles. I received more phone calls about this problem than any other.

I love my boyfriend, but Im afraid to make a commitment and marry him. What if I meet someone I love more in a few years? How can I tell if were compatible enough?

Ive been dating a woman for two years, but she has children I dont get along with. Do you think this relationship can work?

My husband and I argue all the time. He refuses to go to counseling and we hardly ever have sex anymore. I love him and dont want to hurt the children, but Im totally miserable How can I be sure its really over before I leave?

Ive just come out of a very painful relationship. I want to find a partner to share my life with, but Im afraid of getting hurt again How can I tell the next time if Im with someone who is wrong for me before my heart gets broken?

I understand the pain and turmoil these people are going through, because Ive been through it, too. Since my first serious relationship at seventeen, and, until recently, I fell in love without giving serious consideration to whether the person was right for me, let alone whether they loved me enough. Someone showed up, and if he had something lovable about him, I would start a relationship. Id convince myself he was the one only to find out that we were incompatible and watch the relationship fail. Then I would feel sorry for myself and wonder what I was doing wrong.

After too many heartbreaks, I was forced to face the sad truth: In spite of my experience, education, and my intense desire to be happy, I continually chose partners who were not right for me. I was falling in love with the wrong people for the wrong reasons.

Im happy to say, Ive spent the past five years of my life learning how to help myself and others make better love choices, and the results have been truly amazing. When it was time to choose a topic for my third book, I knew right away what it would be. My first two books were about how to love; this book is about whom to love. Its about knowing when someone is right for you, and avoiding those who are wrong. I hope that what you learn in this book will give you the understanding and support you need to create the passionate and fulfilling relationship you deserve.

We all want to be happy in our love life, and we want our relationships to work. So, obviously, none of us deliberately sets out to choose partners who are wrong for us. We truly believe we are making the right decision when we select a mate. But the sad reality is that, more often than not, those choices turn out to be painful mistakes.

MANY OF US ARE CHOOSING THE WRONG PARTNERS AND WONDERING WHY OUR RELATIONSHIPS ARE NOT WORKING.

Have you ever thought or said the following about one of your relationships?

How could I have been so blind? Why didnt I see what he/she was really like?

I felt so sure that, this time, it would work. Where did I go wrong?

He seemed so wonderful when we first met. I cant figure out why he changed into someone I cant stand.

All the signs were there from the beginning that she didnt feel the way I did. I guess I just ignored them and convinced myself things would get better.

We loved each other, but we couldnt agree on anything, and all we did was argue.

I was so sure he was different from the other men Id been with. It took me almost two years to find out that Id picked the same type of guy all over again! How could I have wasted so much time?

I remember feeling really in love with her at the time, but the truth is, I never told anyone we were together because I was embarrassed to admit I was even involved with a woman like that.

Everything about him seemed so perfect; I kept telling myself that I should be happy with him, but there just wasnt any chemistry between us.

There is an old saying, Hindsight has 20/20 vision. Its always so much easier to look back and see things clearly that we could not see at all then. Its much easier to be wiser about the mistakes we made yesterday than the ones we are in the process of making today. Yet, Ive always lived by the philosophy that there are no mistakesonly opportunities for growth and learning. And learning from the past gives meaning, and even purpose, to some of the pain and heartache collected along the way.

This book contains everything I have learned about choosing the right partner, from my own experiences and those of the men and women I have counseled and worked with. Its about understanding why you make the love choices you do, and learning how to make more fulfilling ones. It answers the questions, How could I have been so blind? and How can I tell if Im with the right person? and hopefully will give you the vision you need to see the truth about your own love life.

IF YOU ARE SINGLE, I hope this book will give you tools and guidelines for making healthy, successful choices in your partner for your next relationship.

IF YOU ARE RECOVERING FROM A BROKEN HEART, I hope this book will help you understand why your relationship choices were not good ones for you, and will give you information that will help you make much wiser and less painful choices next time.

IF YOU ARE UNMARRIED BUT IN A RELATIONSHIP, I hope this book will support you in getting clear about whether your relationship is right for you, so you dont have to waste time and energy on a relationship that wont work.