Tatkin - Wired for dating: how understanding neurobiology and attachment style can help you find your ideal mate

Bravo, Stan Tatkin, for writing a truly useful book about dating: what to look for; how to handle Internet dating sites; what to know about yourself; how to vet potential partners; and how to proceed in a level-headed fashion toward finding lifes greatest prizea long-term successful partnership. Moreover, its got poetry, a grounded understanding of neuroscience and attachment theory, excellent questions and exercises, and really smart advice. I learned a lot. Its a special book.

Helen Fisher, PhD, biological anthropologist at Rutgers University, chief scientific advisor to the Internet dating site www.match.com, and author of WhyHim? Why Her?, WhyWeLove, AnatomyofLove, TheFirstSex, and TheSexContract

People entering into relationships today need this book more than ever. WiredforDating goes beyond simply being a guide on increasing your chances of successful dating; Stan Tatkin, PsyD, provides a science-based approach filled with valuable insights and techniques that can give us the ability to create more enduring and richer relationships. This book can transform the culture we live in today!

Elisha Goldstein, PhD, cofounder of The Center for Mindful Living in Los Angeles, CA, and author of UncoveringHappiness

Perhaps nothing is as pivotal in creating enduring and satisfying relationships as the intricate dance of dating. Stan Tatkin has found a way to make the complexities of this elusive process clear, without diluting the science and clinical practice that inform this central life issue. WiredforDating is a flexible and supportive guide for those running the relationship gauntlet, as well as a significant contribution to emotionally based therapies.

Peter A. Levine, PhD, author of WakingtheTiger, HealingTrauma, and InanUnspokenVoice

The best step-by-step manual for how to conduct yourself on a first date, vet a prospective partner, and keep yourself from inadvertently destroying the relationship.

Dan Wile, PhD, author of AftertheHoneymoon

If you are thinking about starting to date, are excited about a person you recently met, or have met the love of your life, you will find reading this book an eye-opening experience. Stan Tatkin has succeeded in integrating attachment and neuroscience research as he takes us on a wonderful journey through the worlds of dating, mating, and love.

Marion F. Solomon, PhD, author of NarcissismandIntimacy and LeanonMe

Meeting and coming together with a mate doesnt have to be a happenstance affair. In WiredforDating, Stan Tatkin lays out what you need to know and specifically what you can do to have the best chances of success in a relationship. Expert advice for people of all ages and all shades of prior experience who are serious about finding happiness in a lasting long-term relationship.

Bill OHanlon, coauthor of LoveisaVerb and RewritingLoveStories

Stan Tatkins WiredforDating is a wonderful, supportive guide to self- and relationship discovery. It is filled with nuggets of wisdom that make it easy to answer some of the toughest dating questions. Using Tatkins psychobiological approach, you can navigate dating with much more grace. You have a way to identify serious red flags, as well as the exercises and skills to build a long-term successful partnership. Now you can choose a life partner with confidence and the clarity that you are right for each other. Reading WiredforDating is one of the most important decisions you will make in your mating life.

Ellyn Bader, PhD, cofounder of The Couples Institute in Menlo Park, CA

Stan Tatkins marvelous and intelligent guide gives you the total map when you seek a partner worthy of your efforts and ask the important question, Is this the right one for me? Tatkin shows you how to use both sides of your powerful brain and finally make the right decision. The heart meets science, and youre the winner. He takes the mystery out of dating so you can enjoy the mystery of being with the person you really love. Now you can date with a safety net, and enjoy the journey as the genuine magic happens.

Peter Pearson, PhD, cofounder of The Couples Institute in Menlo Park, CA

Stan Tatkin is one of the most important voices in couple relationships today. His knowledge is grounded in research, packed with practicality, and sprinkled with a unique blend of wisdom and wit. Take the time to read WiredforDating; you will be rewarded with inspiration and insight.

Pat Love, EdD, LMFT, coauthor of HowtoImproveYourMarriageWithoutTalkingAboutIt

Stan Takin is one of the leading figures in relationship counseling. In WiredforDating, he explains partnership science so that readers can create a secure, meaningful relationship. Study this book before commencing your relationship journey so you have a map for success. Learn these methods when you are partnered to chart its continuation. Easy to read, eminently practical.

Jeffrey K. Zeig, PhD, founder and CEO of The Milton H. Erickson Foundation

Where was Stan Tatkin when I was dating? I highly recommend WiredforDating to anyone who is ready for a secure-functioning relationship. Tatkin addresses the scientific, psychobiological, neurobiological, and intricate ways of the nervous system within the realm of dating, and does so in an utterly readable, practically applicable, wise, and entertaining way.

Alanis Morissette, artist and activist

Publishers Note

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books

Copyright 2016 by Stan Tatkin

New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

5674 Shattuck Avenue

Oakland, CA 94609

www.newharbinger.com

Cover design by Sara Christian

Acquired by Tesilya Hanauer

Edited by Clancy Drake

All Rights Reserved

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Tatkin, Stan, author.

Wired for dating : how understanding neurobiology and attachment style can help you find your ideal mate / Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT ; foreword by Harville Hendrix, PhD, and Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD.

pages cm

Includes bibliographical references.

ISBN 978-1-62625-303-2 (pbk. : alk. paper) -- ISBN 978-1-62625-304-9 (pdf e-book) SBN 978-1-62625-305-6 (epub) 1. Mate selection. 2. Dating (Social customs) 3. Sexual attraction. 4. Interpersonal relations. 5. Neurobiology. 6. Attachment behavior. I. Title.

HQ801.T277 2016

306.73--dc23

2015032698

To my wife, Tracey, and daughter, Joanna,

who keep me going and loving life.