Kolakowski - Single, shy, and looking for love: a dating guide for the shy and socially anxious

Shannon Kolakowski, PsyD, is a licensed psychologist in private practice and the author of When Depression Hurts Your Relationship. Kolakowski blogs for Huffington Post and has appeared in media outlets such as shape.com, Redbook, Mens Health magazine, Scientific American MIND, and eharmony.com. She lives in Seattle, WA, with her husband. Visit the author at www.drshannonk.com.

With Shannon Kolakowskis empathic guidance you will learn to accept and love yourselfincluding your anxiety and shyness. Furthermore, you will develop new skills that will help you find love. If you are shy or socially anxious and want a loving relationship this is the book for you.

Michelle Skeen, PsyD, author of Love Me Dont Leave Me

Dating is a process of deliberate exploration. At one level we are exploring human relationships, but at another level dating opens us up to the world within. It opens us up to our hopes, aspirations, and values, but it also opens us up to our fears, anxieties, and judgments.

In the normal mode of mind we often suppose that the difficult material in that second territory is merely something to be gotten rid of so we can get back to dating. This book takes a much different approach: that territory is worthy of attention and exploration. It is part of the very fabric of our emotional lives that we bring to relationships themselves. If you are interested in exploring human relationships, consider the possibility that you have a much larger territory to explore as part of that very process. This gentle and wise book will show you how.

Steven C. Hayes, PhD, Foundation Professor and Director of Clinical Training at the University of Nevada and author of Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life

Shannon Kolakowskis book will be the first book I recommend to people who are single, shy, and looking for love. She really understands the fears of socially anxious people and how terrifying dating can be for them. Each chapter is filled with illustrative stories, questionnaires, and exercises that bring readers to a compassionate view of their dating fears and concerns and arms them with everything they need to start the dating process. It was a pleasure reviewing Kolakowskis new book. She is a very talented psychologist and a great writer.

Deborah Khoshaba, PsyD, clinical psychologist specializing in resilience, personal growth, and health; director of program development and training for the Hardiness Institute; author of several books on the hardiness approach to stress management and resilience; founder of the popular blog Psychology in Everyday Life; and writer for psychologytoday.com

Take charge of your dating life. Single, Shy, and Looking for Love explains, in easy-to-understand language, how to approach shyness and social anxiety from a new and empowering perspective. Learn how to build the skills and confidence essential to dating success. Get ready to take those important first steps toward finding love.

Leah Klungness, Ph.D, psychologist and coauthor of The Complete Single Mother

In Single, Shy, and Looking for Love, psychologist Shannon Kolakowski offers a thoughtful, evidence-based, readable, and practical book for those seeking love and partnered relationships who tend to be anxious and shy. She effectively uses best practices and the latest thinking about anxiety management to help those who are looking for love. Her book is full of practical suggestions, exercises, and wisdom to help those who may struggle with dating and finding the right mate. Kudos to Kolakowski for an excellent book that is bound to help many.

Thomas Plante, PhD, ABPP, Augustin Cardinal Bea, S.J. University Professor, director of the Spirituality and Health Institute at Santa Clara University, and author of Religion, Spirituality, and Positive Psychology: Understanding the Psychological Fruits of Faith, Sexual Abuse in the Catholic Church: A Decade of Crisis, 2002-2012, and Spiritual Practices in Psychotherapy: Thirteen Tools for Enhancing Psychological Health

Shannon Kolakowski demonstrates that theres no need to feel powerless in dating. Single, Shy, and Looking for Love will help both women and men identify the source of dating anxiety, and it offers real strategies for getting out there and finding love. This excellent book contains powerful techniques for mastering shyness and focusing instead on dating strategies that work. If anxiety is keeping you from finding the love of your life, please read this book. It might just change your life.

Shawn T. Smith, PsyD, clinical psychologist and author of The Users Guide to the Human Mind and The Womans Guide to How Men Think

Publishers Note

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

Finding the Sweet Spot and Heightening the Sweet Spot adapted from chapter 6, Mindfulness, Values, and Therapeutic Relationship in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy by Kelly G. Wilson and Emily K. Sandoz, in MINDFULNESS AND THE THERAPEUTIC RELATIONSHIP, edited by Steven F. Hick and Thomas Bien and copyright 2008 The Guilford Press. Used by permission of The Guilford Press; permission conveyed through Copyright Clearance Center, Inc.

Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books

Copyright 2014 by Shannon Kolakowski

New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

5674 Shattuck Avenue

Oakland, CA 94609

www.newharbinger.com

Cover design by Amy Shoup

Text design by Michele Waters-Kermes

Acquired by Melissa Kirk

Edited by Jasmine Star

All Rights Reserved

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data on file

ePub ISBN: 978-1-62625-005-5

I dedicate this book to my husband, Rob.