Georgia Shaffer - 12 Smart Choices for Finding the Right Guy

HARVEST HOUSE PUBLISHERS

EUGENE, OREGON

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Based on How Not to Date a Loser with revised and updated material.

12 SMART CHOICES FOR FINDING THE RIGHT GUY

Copyright 2008/2015 Georgia Shaffer

Published by Harvest House Publishers

Eugene, Oregon 97402

www.harvesthousepublishers.com

ISBN 978-0-7369-4940-8 (pbk.)

ISBN 978-0-7369-4941-5 (eBook)

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To my mother, Goldie Wise, with love and appreciation for all your support over the years.

Writing this book was by no means a solo effort. I had the best team there is, and I want to say a special thank you to each one of you.

Janet Kobobel Grant You are a true professional, and Im grateful to have you as my literary agent.

Terry Glaspey Thank you for your vision and enthusiasm for this project. You are a gifted editor!

Gayle Roper I am blessed to call you my dear friend. Thanks for sharing your wisdom and writing experience and inviting me to attend your writers critique group so many years ago.

Deb Strubel Thanks for the millionth time. As Ive told you so often, Im not sure what I would have done without your editorial suggestions, support, and continuous encouragement.

Leslie Vernick I thank God for your insightful comments, prayers, and for giving me the push I needed when I was stuck. I always looked forward to reading your suggestions.

The Lancaster Writers Group Month after month you patiently listened to each chapter, offering not only your honest opinions but your humor as well. Thank you for helping me to not take myself so seriously.

Linda Jewell You are a real cheerleader! Its because of our conversation one winters morning that I knew God wanted me to write this book. Thank you for sticking with me to the very end.

My Awesome Prayer Team Your prayers made all the difference! My deepest gratitude goes to Penny Olivieri, Sue Smith, and the Living Word Community Church Womens Retreat prayer team. One day in heaven you will learn what Ive already experiencedthe power of your prayers.

Contents

M aybe you read the title and thought, Is there a right guy for me? Perhaps you thought, Will these twelve things guarantee I find my right guy?

Or maybe youre wondering, How do I know if Im dating the wrong guy?

I realize some of you may have reacted negatively to the idea of a wrong guy because in Gods eyes, everyone has value, worth, and purpose. In that sense no one is or ever could be wrong. However, for many reasons, some people are not healthy individuals where they currently are. Maybe in ten years they will be, but not now. And the key word is maybe. Heres a quick checklist to help you identify whether your current relationship is healthy.

Healthy or Not?

Note the following statements that are true.

The person Im dating generally

blames others (or me) rather than taking responsibility for bad choices and mistakes.

prefers to stay the same rather than stretch, change, and grow.

is stuck in self-pity and uses failure and loss as an excuse for lack of growth and maturity.

tends to act out his feelings whether others are hurt or not.

avoids pain at all costs.

holds on to past hurts and resentments and has problems letting them go.

tends to hide the truth or is afraid to be open and honest about his feelings and weaknesses.

focuses on self and ignores the feelings and wishes of others.

feels threatened by any interests and/or activities you have that dont include him.

perceives seeking the advice or help of others as a sign of weakness.

Scoring

1 to 3: Youre probably dealing with the normal struggles of close relationships. We all have areas in which we can grow, and this book can help you do that.

4 to 5: You probably are involved in a moderately unhealthy relationship. This book will help you identity and overcome obstacles so you can move toward the joy of an intimate, loving connection.

6: Youre probably involved in an unhealthy or even a destructive relationship or, put in another way, you are probably dating the wrong guy. Keep reading! This book may help you avoid years of untold pain.

In the context of dating, I describe the wrong guy as a hurting person who hurts others because he lacks self-awareness and hasnt chosen to do the hard work needed to heal, change, and grow. A more practical description is found by contrasting unhealthy behavior with that of healthy people. What do I mean?

Unhealthy people blame others. Healthy people take personal responsibility for their bad choices and admit their mistakes.

Unhealthy people prefer to stay the same and dont see the need for change and growth. Healthy people want to learn and grow.