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Meredith Resnick - Stop Counting the Hours: Stop Enabling. Start Living.: Parenting the Highly Dependent Adult Child—50 Days of Change

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Meredith Resnick Stop Counting the Hours: Stop Enabling. Start Living.: Parenting the Highly Dependent Adult Child—50 Days of Change
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Stop Counting the Hours: Stop Enabling. Start Living.: Parenting the Highly Dependent Adult Child—50 Days of Change: summary, description and annotation

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Can you parent an adult child?

When your child is an adult, there is no more parenting work left to do. The time to raise, teach, imbue, educate, and [fill in the blank] is over. It was over long ago. The problem is no longer about parentingit is about how you view your role as a parent. If you are the parent of a highly dependent adult child, it is useful to now think of your relationship as one of adult-to-adult rather than of parent-to-child. This change is difficult for parents due to fear, anxiety and legitimate worry, so they often try different approaches to no avail. Meanwhile, their adult child is no closer to launching and the parent fears they never will.

If that sounds like you, then, unfortunately, these repeated attempts renew and reinforce your childs dependencyand your own. Youve become dependent, too. When you are dependent, it is scary to let go and you wont want to. This is natural. However, to launch something or someone requires letting go.

All this may sound counterintuitive, but dependence (the parents) is what can happen when a parent funnels misguided energy into their adult child. This leads to a progressively worsening need to know what is going on, an increased frequency of checking in, and an intensity in the quest to monitor and keep track or successes, failures, and the like. These are signs of the parents need to alleviate their own anxiety about what might happen or go wrong. This is a different kind of dependency, but it is dependence, nonetheless.

Stop Counting the Hours: Stop Enabling. Start LivingParenting the Highly Dependent Adult Child: 50 Days of Change can help.

Meredith Resnick: author's other books


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Meredith Resnick - Stop Counting the Hours: Stop Enabling. Start Living.: Parenting the Highly Dependent Adult Child—50 Days of Change
Stop Counting the Hours: Stop Enabling. Start Living.: Parenting the Highly Dependent Adult Child—50 Days of Change
Meredith Resnick
Stop Counting the Hours: Stop Enabling. Start Living.: Parenting the Highly Dependent Adult Child—50 Days of Change
Meredith Resnick - Surviving the Narcissist: 30 Days of Recovery: Whether Youre Loving, Leaving, or Living With One
Surviving the Narcissist: 30 Days of Recovery: Whether Youre Loving, Leaving, or Living With One
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Narcissism: Surviving the Self-Involved: a Little Primer on Narcissism and Self-Care
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Meredith Resnick - When Your Parent Is a Narcissist
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Table of Contents
Stop Counting the Hours Stop Enabling Start Living Parenting the Highly - photo 1
Stop Counting the Hours
Stop Enabling. Start Living.
Parenting the Highly Dependent Adult Child:
50 Days of Change
Copyright 2020 Meredith Gordon Resnick. All rights reserved
Cover design by Melanie McMinn http://frugalkiwi.co.nz/
No part of this book may be reproduced in any format without the authors written permission. Short quotes should contain appropriate attribution, including ebook title, author, and website. All written work within by Meredith Gordon Resnick, unless otherwise noted.
DisclaimerThe information provided in this book is designed to offer helpful information on the subjects discussed. This book is not meant to be used, nor should it be used, to diagnose or treat any medical, psychological, emotional, relational, or mental health condition. For diagnosis or treatment of any such issue mentioned above, consult a physician or therapist for appropriate treatment and referral. The author is not responsible for any specific health or mental health needs that may require intervention, consultation or supervision that is medical, psychological, legal or otherwise, and is not liable for any damages or negative consequences from any treatment, action, application or preparation, to any person reading or following the information in this book. This book is designed to provide information and support to the reader. It is sold with the understanding that the author is not engaging to render any type of psychological, medical, relationship, legal, or any other kind of professional advice, only to explain the characteristics, feelings and emotions that may manifest when dealing with certain individuals in certain relationships. Seek the help of a licensed therapist as needed. If children are involved, seek the help of a therapist, lawyer, or other licensed specialist to ensure appropriate action. References are provided for information only and do not constitute endorsement of website or sources. Be aware that websites mentioned in this ebook may change.
An important note for parents of minors
While you will benefit from much in these pages, this book is meant for parents with adult children who are of age (not minors). There are different legal, safety, protective, and well-being considerations when a child is not a legal adult. While some of the tenets in this book are sound for parents of minors, the methods and interventions will be different. Consult a specialist if you child is underage. If your child is in rehab, jail, or a residential program, talk to their counselor or social worker, and participate in family therapy. Utilize family therapy while your child is still a minor as you may have more influence as to if they must attend. If your child is under the age of 18 there is a delicate balance required of parental responsibility and letting go. This is complicated when your child is self-destructive or destructive. Seek help from a trained and licensed therapist, and legal advice as warranted. If you are a grandparent concerned about your grandchilds well-being, or well-being of any other minor, seek appropriate therapy and legal guidance.
An important note about depression and mental health
If stress related to your home life is causing depression, feelings of hopelessness, and/or suicidal thoughts, seek appropriate help immediately. Do not ignore depression, anxiety, and other chronic or acute issues. Seek help from a licensed therapist. If you are suicidal call The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (in the United States): 1-800-273-8255. If you are outside the United States, please refer to your countrys suicide prevention hotline and call.
~~
Stop Counting the Hours
Stop Enabling. Start Living.
Parenting the Highly Dependent Adult Child:
50 Days of Change
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Stop Counting the Hours
Stop Enabling. Start Living.
Parenting the Highly Dependent Adult Child:
50 Days of Change
Part 1
Dissecting a parents problem that is not well understood
Can you parent an adult child?
When your child is an adult, there is no more parenting work left to do. The time to raise, teach, imbue, educate, and [fill in the blank] is over. It was over long ago. The problem is no longer about parentingit is about how you view your role as a parent.
It is useful to now think of your relationship as one of adult-to-adult rather than of parent-to-child. This gives the relationship a needed equality.
The arrow who fails to launch
Every parent-child relationship has its own unique personality. Parents of a highly dependent adult child, however, find this uniqueness, at best, difficult to appreciate.
Take this quote:
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
On Children, from The Prophet, about being a parent, by Khalil Gibran
For parents of a highly dependent adult child, this quote hurts. Theyve tried to launch that living arrow for years. Their child might be twenty-two, thirty-two, forty-two, or older by now, yet never soared very high or, more importantly, got very far in their own life. They have tried many things, but nothing works. This could be a new school, a job, a friend, a therapist, a new hobby, a bible study, money, gifts, bribery, tears, pleas, and cajoling. It might have been paying off their childs debt again, starting them in a business, waking them up in the morning, or doing their grocery shopping. It might be trying to make them laugh or trying not to make them mad.
A different kind of dependency
If that sounds like you, then, unfortunately, these repeated attempts renew and reinforce your childs dependencyand your own. Youve become dependent, too. When you are dependent, it is scary to let go and you wont want to. This is natural. However, to launch something or someone requires letting go.
All this may sound counterintuitive, but dependence (the parents) is what can happen when a parent funnels misguided energy into their adult child. This leads to a progressively worsening need to know what is going on, an increased frequency of checking in, and an intensity in the quest to monitor and keep track of successes, failures, and the like. These are signs of the parents need to alleviate their own anxiety about what might happen or go wrong. This is a different kind of dependency, but it is dependence, nonetheless.
This type of dependency is sometimes referred to as codependency, but that term can feel bristly because it has come to imply something sick, and in a very judgmental way. Think, instead, of codependence as a way to describe patterns of behaviors that dont serve the growth and individuality of two people. Instead of truly supporting your child, you are keeping them little by doing things for them they could do for themselves. By extension, you stunt your own growth, too.
~~
Stop Counting the Hoursis for you if
Your CHILD (note all that apply or add your own):
has stolen or taken from you, whether it be cash, coins, jewelry or other valuables, or forged checks
applied for credit forging your name and signature
has stolen from relatives, neighbors, friends, strangers
promises to repay but doesnt
refuses to accept your help even though your ideas are decent
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