Dorothy Mccoy - The Manipulative Man: Identify His Behavior, Counter the Abuse, Regain Control

THE

Manipulative
MAN

Identify His Behavior,
Counter the Abuse,
Regain Control

Dorothy McCoy, Ed.D.

Copyright 2006 Dorothy McCoy, Ed.D.

All rights reserved.
This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any form without permission from the publisher; exceptions are made for brief excerpts used in published reviews.

Published by Adams Media, a division of F+W Media, Inc.
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Avon, MA 02322
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ISBN 10: 1-59337-623-5
ISBN 13: 978-1-59337-623-9
Printed in the United States of America.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4

Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data
McCoy, Dorothy.
The manipulative man / Dorothy McCoy.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 1-59337-623-5
1. Man-woman relationshipsPsychological aspects. 2. MenPsychology.
3. Manipulative behavior. 4. Typology (Psychology) 5. Personality disorders.
I. Title.
HQ801.M486 2006
646.7'70874dc22
2006005006

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Dedication

THIS BOOK IS dedicated to the men and women in blue who have given their lives while serving and protecting their communities.

There are more than 870,000 sworn law enforcement officers now serving in the United States, which is the highest figure ever. About 11.7 percent of those are female.

In 2004, there were more than 1.4 million violent crimes committed in the United States (according to the National Crime Victimization Survey conducted by the Bureau of Justice Statistics). The annual number of violent crimes has declined by 35 percent since it peaked in 1993 at 4 million.

Crime fighting has taken its toll. Since the first recorded police death in 1792, there have been more than 17,000 law enforcement officers killed in the line of duty. Currently, there are 17,081 names engraved on the walls of the National Law Enforcement Officers Memorial.

A total of 1,649 law enforcement officers died in the line of duty during the past ten years, an average of one death every 53.5 hours or 164 per year. There were 153 law enforcement officers killed in 2004.Data from the National Law Enforcement Officer Memorial Fund (www.nleomf.com/TheMemorial/Facts)

Contents

Chapter 1
Manipulation, Thy Name Is Man

Chapter 2
The Mama's Boy

Chapter 3
The Workaholic

Chapter 4
The Eternal Jock

Chapter 5
The Dependent Man: The Woe-Is-Me Complex

Chapter 6
Exciting Risk-Takers and Full-Blown Antisocials

Chapter 7
The Womanizer

Chapter 8
The Passive-Aggressive Man

Chapter 9
The Narcissist

Chapter 10
The Psychopath

Chapter 11
Understanding and Surviving the Violent Manipulator

Chapter 12
Why You Chose Mr. Wrong: Making New Choices

Chapter 13
Don't Fall into the Manipulation Trap

Acknowledgments

THIS HAS BEEN an especially hectic and challenging year. Friends, family and professional associates have been particularly important in helping me survive the last several months. Finishing this book and another book (competing for my time and attention) has necessitated a big, chunky chain effectively thwarting my escape attempts. Warm thanks go to Sophie, the world-class snorer, for dutifully sharing my detention. Each thoughtful gesture, loving thought, and/or expression of support was especially endearing during my period of imprisonment.

Many heartfelt thanks to my dear friends Deputy Gary Goss, S.C. Criminal Justice Instructor Sandy Caudill, Pepper Sarnoff, Captain Keith Rogers, and, of course, my wise agent Nancy Rosenfeld. You were there for me, checking on me, insisting I remember to eat, and showing your love in various and sundry ways.

A special salute and I love you goes to Sergeant Keith Alan Crosby. I assure you, Keith; every kindness was greatly appreciated and duly noted. To my beloved, Cyndi Carpenter, what can I say? You have been a blessing every day of your life (well, most days ). I cannot imagine my life without Ginny de Freitas. She unfailingly supports me in my spells of incredible stupidity, my occasional triumphs, and my unpredictable pursuits. I am ridiculously proud of each of you.

It is difficult to contain my emotions when I think of my benevolent editors. Paula Munier and Andrea Norville, you have consistently inspired me with your gentle counsel (Writers don't need sleep drink more coffee!). Words to live by

CHAPTER 1

Manipulation,
Thy Name Is Man

Don't you think that any secret course is an unworthy one?

Charles Dickens

WOMEN ARE MESMERIZED by the forbidden relationship, the exciting stranger who radiates danger and yet seems vulnerable and wounded by life. We want to crush him to our breasts and ease his pain. Simultaneously we desire the thrill and the exhilarating sting of danger. We want to be the one woman who by virtue of her unconditional love will transform him into the perfect lover. Yes, we are certain we will succeed where lesser women have failed.

Women also adore the little boy who has never quite managed to grow up. He simply needs the love of a good woman to blossom into Indiana Jones. He needs love, approval, and acceptance from us to achieve the self-confidence he has been denied. We see a wonderful, sweet man, full of promise and potential, waiting for someone to believe in him as only we can.

These are a couple of the myths we embrace over and over again. The manipulators perpetuate these myths (and others), and, oh, they have many, many brothers. You will meet the brotherhood of manipulative men in this book. There is the too-good-to-be-true stranger who will steal your Corvette and max out your credit cards. The feckless boy-man who will allow you to be his mom, assume responsibility for his actions, or the lack thereof, and grant each of his whims.

I bet you have met one of the manipulators. Did he promise you the stars and play you like a musical instrument? Many women have fallen for the illusion because it is so expertly conceived and performed. Nevertheless, please don't worry, you are not unintelligent or gullible, much of their irresistible attraction is chemical. Another stumbling stone is our nurturing nature (which is culturally encouraged). Fortunately, you do have the power to change your beliefs and behaviors and become less susceptible.

Have no fear, you can learn to recognize a manipulator, avoid their traps, and live as the incredible woman you are, not the woman they choose to create. Stay with me, and we will explore the top nine least-wanted list of manipulative types in order to avoid them, housetrain them (if they are willing), and/or learn to outmaneuver them. Tighten your seat belt; this will be an incredible ride.