To my Rita Anne.
And to our marriage, which somehow grows stronger every year.
Text copyright 2021 by Jay Payleitner.
Cover art by Susan Lloyd.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Payleitner, Jay K., author.
Title: The newlywed year / Jay Payleitner.
Description: San Francisco : Chronicle Books, [2021]
Identifiers: LCCN 2020007258 (print) | LCCN 2020007259 (ebook) | ISBN 9781452182568 (hardback) | ISBN 9781452182841 (ebook)
Subjects: LCSH: Newlyweds. | Marriage. | Couples.
Classification: LCC HQ734 .P3174 2021 (print) | LCC HQ734 (ebook) | DDC 306.81dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020007258
LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020007259
Design by Rachel Harrell.
excerpted in part from 52 Things Wives Need from Their Husbands, Jay Payleitner, Harvest House Publishers, 2011, and reprinted with permission.
excerpted in part from 52 Ways to Connect as a Couple, Jay Payleitner, Harvest House Publishers, 2016, and reprinted with permission.
excerpted in part from 52 Things Husbands Need from Their Wives, Jay Payleitner, Harvest House Publishers, 2016, and reprinted with permission.
A & C Black is a registered trademark of Bloomsbury Publishing Plc; A. B. Dick is a registered trademark of Mark Andy Inc.; Alexa is a registered trademark of Amazon Technologies, Inc.; Bertazzoni is a registered trademark of Bertazzoni S.p.A.; Chicago Cubs is a registered trademark of Chicago National League Ball Club, Inc.; Disney World is a registered trademark of Disney Enterprises, Inc.; Hallmark is a registered trademark of Hallmark Licensing, LLC; Home Depot is a registered trademark of Home Depot Product Authority, LLC; KFC is a registered trademark of KFC Corporation; Laurel and Hardy is a registered trademark of Larry Harmon Pictures Corporation; Marvel is a registered trademark of Marvel Characters, Inc.; Mental Floss is a registered trademark of Pro Sportority Ltd; Miele is a registered trademark of Miele & Cie KG Limited Partnership; NASCAR is a registered trademark of National Association For Stock Car Auto Racing, LLC; NBA is a registered trademark of NBA Properties, Inc.; NFL is a registered trademark of NFL Properties LLC; NHL is a registered trademark of National Hockey League not-for-profit unincorporated association; Pez is a registered trademark of Patrafico Ag Corporation Switzerland; Pixar is a registered trademark of Disney Enterprises, Inc.; Red Sox is a registered trademark of Boston Red Sox Baseball Club Limited Partnership The Jean R. Yawkey Trust its General Partner; Risk is a registered trademark of Hasbro Inc.; Scrabble is a registered trademark of Hasbro Inc.; Settlers of Catan is a registered trademark of Catan GMBH Corporation; Sharpie is a registered trademark of Sanford, L.P. Mssi LLC; Starbucks is a registered trademark of Starbucks Corporation; Ticket to Ride is a registered trademark of Asmodee North America Inc.
Chronicle books and gifts are available at special quantity discounts to corporations, professional associations, literacy programs, and other organizations. For details and discount information, please contact our premiums department at or at 1-800-759-0190.
Chronicle Books LLC
680 Second Street
San Francisco, California 94107
www.chroniclebooks.com
Contents
Congratulations, Now What?
Best wishes! Congrats! Blessings! XOXO! And all that.
With your engagement and wedding, youve laid a beautiful foundation of joy, hope, optimism, and breathtaking romance. So where do you go from here?
This book is all about stoking those fires for decades to come. With more passion, deeper friendship, and a stronger commitment than you thought possible.
It doesnt matter how you started your journey. Playground pals. High school sweethearts. College study partners. An office romance. Gym rat workout buddies. Social media soul mates. Old flames reuniting after losing touch for years. Or however you would describe your initial flirtation.
While every couple is different, every newlywed year carries many similarities. Whether youve been dating for six months or six years, youll want to expect the unexpected. Prepare yourself for discoveries that surprise, delight, and amuse you or cause you to think, What have I gotten myself into?
Youre not second-guessing your vows. You just didnt know about your new spouses slightly off-the-wall quirk, curious routines, or unspoken dreams. Thats OK, because everyone brings a few surprises into marriage.
The game plan for the next twelve months is for the two of you to lay a firm foundation for a long, joy-filled, soul-satisfying life together. And, yes, The Newlywed Year just might help you do that.
This book was likely a gift from a very wise person. Sometime near your first anniversary, you will want to send them an extra-appreciative thank-you note.
You see, while all your other family and friends were oohing and ahhing about your engagement, wedding ceremony, reception, and honeymoon, that wise individual was thinking about what you really need. Not an ice bucket, salad spinner, personalized cutting board, cake carrier, juicer, or programmable coffee maker (not that theres anything wrong with that stuff). But, lets be clear. Your most compelling need for the next year wasnt on your wedding registry or in that pile of gifts you recently unwrapped. Your newlywed year is all about both of you turning your focus from the wedding to the marriage.
Thats going to require you to be intentional about making time, engaging in dialogue, keeping promises, and meeting each others deepand sometimes unspokenneeds. Thats what this book is all about.
.
Whether you read this book in a matter of days or spread it out over your entire first year, keep your expectations high. You came together for a reason. Feel free to take the rest of your life to figure it out. Along the way, aspire to have more fun than humans should be allowed to have.
You found each other. Love overflows. Thats fantastic. The world needs more of what you have. Lets keep it flowing. Have a wonderful newlywed year.
CHAPTER 1
Memories Youre About to Make
Every couple I know that has been married for more than a decade or so begins to look back at their early years together and describes it as a blur.
When couples start to share memories, they discover their mental calendars are organized around major events like births, new jobs, and new homes. But day-to-day events tend to fall between the cracks. That includes names, dates, people, and places. Even weekend adventures, major purchases, and minor disasters slip away from our consciousness.
You may invest a ton of positive or negative emotional energy in an experience and believe you will remember every detail forever, but thats not how it works. Memories of most life events are not completely forgotten, but rather set aside. Later, something may trigger a hazy recollection, but the details are jumbled with other similar events.
If only youd kept a diary.
Well, here at the beginning of your newlywed year, lets call that your first assignment. I can hear you: What? Homework already? But dont worry. Youre not expected to write long, tear-filled paragraphs recalling every emotion, conversation, or menu item you experience today. Instead, focus on the short, sweet, silly, and/or significant.
Next page