Theresa Julian - 101 Hilarious Pranks and Practical Jokes: Plus, Learn to Invent Your Own!

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To Mom and Dad, with love And to all parents who are brave enough to pick up a prank book T.J.

To my wife, my parents, and Soren Sorensen Adams (look him up!) P.L.

If youre looking for a long, boring book that will put you to sleep, this is not for you. You also may not like this if you think books should be filled with useful information. This book has nothing of the sort. Instead, its jam-packed with mindless tricks, kooky nonsense, and lots and lots of silly pranks.

Only read this book if you want to learn completely ridiculous skills, such as how to use goofy faces, funny voices, bad smells, weird sounds, and smooth body moves to trick your friends. We also cant promise that you wont get frosting in your hair when your friend slices into an exploding cake or that the stories about wiggly ear disease and fried brain dust are real. But this is a prank book, so believe only what you see. Or half of what you read. Better yet, dont believe any of it. Its all made up.

WARNING! The S chool of H ijinks, M alarkey & O utlandish P ranks ( SHMOP ) is a perilous place! Enter at your own risk!

SHMOP is a top-notch institution that teaches the fine art of pranking and practical joking. Take a tour of our school and youll become a pro at pretending your finger broke off, filling your friends doughnut with sour cream, putting bubble wrap under the toilet seat, and more! SHMOP will help you pull epic pranks by teaching you about physical comedy , which is using your body to make someone laugh. Well explain how to use funny faces, strange voices, weird smells, and mushy bananas to make your pranks extra-awesome. But beware!

If you prank your friends, they may prank you back! After reading this book, you may never sit down again without first checking to see if fake poop is on your chair. You may never slip your hands into your jacket pockets again without patting them first for plastic spiders. You may never put on your shoes again without glancing to see if theyre filled with a pound of baloney.

DO NOT turn the page unless youre ready. Really ready.

WAIT!

STOP!

Get your finger off the edge of the

GOTCHA!
See how much fun pranking is?

Since you had the guts to turn the page, youve proved yourself a perfect recruit for SHMOP . Keep reading to become a successful prankster. Check out our pranks, try a few, practice them, and pay attention. Theres a quiz at the end thatll let you know if youre plucky enough to be a Prank Master Supreme .

Now clean the dead fish off your head, wipe the tomato mush off your nose, and read the following pledge. Sorry about the extra step, but ever since that kid slipped into a bucket of buttered noodles, we have to ask this.

THE PRANK RESPONSIBLY PLEDGE

I promise to prank responsibly. I will:

PULL PRANKS THAT ARE FUNNY BUT NOT MEAN . My pranks will never hurt someones feelings or make someone look bad. I prank only to make people laughand to make sure my friends know Im an ace at pulling a worm out of my nose.

PRANK SOMEONE WITH A SENSE OF HUMOR. If Im visited by old Aunt Helen, who just had her hip replaced, I will not jump out at her wearing my bloody zombie mask. Instead, Ill use common sense and save that prank for my brother.

NOT RUIN STUFF. I promise not to ruin things, especially stuff that belongs to teachers who can flunk me, cranky neighbors who can yell at me, and camp counselors who can make me scrub the toilets with an old toothbrush.

CLEAN UP. I will not be a pea brain and forget to clean up. I may forget how to make ice cubes that dont contain fake mouse turds, but I will never forget to clean up.

BE CAREFUL! I will read the pranking instructions carefully and follow all the warnings. If I break my pledge (or any body part), I will not sue the awesome, talented, prank-loving people who created this book.

AH! A new recruit!

I can tell youre a newbie because youre fresh-faced and smilingand your hair isnt streaked with ketchup, your shirt isnt coated with fake vomit, and your real fingers are still attachedwhich, by the way, could be different if youd like to make some changes.

Im Dr. Prankshaw, headmaster of SHMOP . Im a scientist, inventor, and 63-year-old genius, but if wisdom counts, Im more like 318. Some people say I resemble Dr. Crankshaw from the Laugh Lab, which is the impressive establishment next door that teaches kids how to create their own jokes. But just because were both tall and devilishly handsomeand our names rhymedoesnt mean Im his brother. Or his cousin. Or that Im really Dr. Crankshaw, just with glasses and a funny nose, because that would be ludicrous.

Ignore the fact that this giant contraption just called me Dr. Crankshaw. Im definitely Dr. Prankshaw.

This hodgepodge of steel, plastic, and electronics is my invention, LOLA , which stands for L augh O ut L oud A pparatus.

Shes perturbed because Im making her work two jobs. At the Laugh Lab next door, LOLA creates jokes, and here at SHMOP , she creates pranks. No kidding! Just toss a whoopee cushion, rubber snake, and mustard packet into LOLA and shell spit out a funny prank. Want to learn how to make fart noises under your arm? LOLA will teach you. Want to convince your parents that youre now a lawyer? LOLA will explain. Want to know what all those school supplies in your desk drawer are for? Well, uh, that we cant answer, but if you want to learn how to smash an orange slice through your head, youve come to the right place.