Brian Boone - Hysterical Jokes for Minecrafters: Blocks, Boxes, Blasts, and Blow-Outs

This book is not authorized or sponsored by Microsoft Corp, Mojang AB, Notch Development AB or Scholastic Inc., or any other person or entity owning or controlling rights in the Minecraft name, trademark, or copyrights. Copyright 2017 by Hollan Publishing, Inc. Minecraft is a registered trademark of Notch Development AB The Minecraft game is copyright Mojang AB This book is not authorized or sponsored by Microsoft Corp, Mojang AB, Notch Development AB or Scholastic Inc., or any other person or entity owning or controlling rights in the Minecraft name, trademark, or copyrights. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without the express written consent of the publisher, except in the case of brief excerpts in critical reviews or articles. All inquiries should be addressed to Sky Pony Press, 307 West 36th Street, 11th Floor, New York, NY 10018.

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Cover design by Brian Peterson Cover illustration credit Hollan Publishing, Inc. Cover and interior illustrations by Amanda Brack Print ISBN: 978-1-5107-1882-1 Ebook ISBN: 978-1-5107-1885-2 Printed in Canada CONTENTS INTRODUCTION H ey, we heard you dig Minecraft, so we tooled around for a while, shoveled a few things around, and BOOM we came up with this joke book just for you. Thanks for picking up Hysterical Jokes for Minecrafters: Blocks, Boxes, Blasts & Blow-Outs. Weve taken a long look at the Minecraft world to find the funny side of all of the ore-seeking and creeper-wrecking. Minecraft may look dark and serious, but trust us: Theres a lot of humor to be mined. ( Ha !) Whether youre a longtime Minecrafter or a new kid on the block, we think youll have an explosively good time reading and telling your friends these jokes, and this book will make a great tool in your arsenal of tools against the real hostile mobs: people with no sense of humor! So start chipping away at these jokes.

Theyre diamonds in the rough! Comedy gold! Theyll really help you get the lead out! CHAPTER 1 BLOCK PARTY Q: Where does Steves best friend live? A: Just around the block. Q: Have you seen the new Minecraft movie? A: You havent? Its a blockbuster! Q: Where does Steve get his taxes done? A: H&R Block. Q: What do zombies and skeletons need in the morning? A: Sunblock. Q: Why are there no cars in Minecraft? A: Because the streets are blocked off. Q: How do you block the sun? A: Sunblock. Q: Whats the most popular playground game in Minecraft? A: Four Square.

Q: How come Steve doesnt get invited to parties? A: Hes too square. Q: Why did Steve quit social media? A: He kept getting blocked. Q: Why is everything in Minecraft made of blocks? A: Because its hard to stack up spheres. Q: Why was Steve a terrible author? A: Writers block! Q: How does Steve defend his house? A: He blocks the door. Q: Whats the top social network for Minecrafters? A: Faceblock. Q: How does a Minecrafter get exercise? A: They run around the block.

Q: Why did Steve put wood blocks on his bed? A: So he could sleep like a log. Q: Did you hear about the farmer who only planted blocks of hay? A: He thought he could grow straw-berries. Q: How do you stop a hostile mob from attacking you? A: You block their path. Q: What did Minecraft Christopher Columbus do? A: He proved the world was square. Q: What happens when a chicken lays a square egg? A: It says ouch! Q: Why would Charlie Brown do well in Minecraft? A: Because hes a blockhead! Q: Whos a Minecrafters favorite composer? A: Johann Sebastian Block. Q: What is Notchs only character flaw? A: He cant think outside the blocks.

Q: How do you know if your Minecraft character is sick? A: Its nose is blocked. Q: What did the dirt block say to Steve? A: Why are you always picking on me? Q: How much dirt is in a hole that measures two blocks by three blocks by four blocks? A: There is no dirt in a hole! (At least not anymore.) Q: Whats the difference between the law and an ice block? A: One is justice and the other is just ice. Q: How is playing Minecraft like DNA? A: Its all about the building blocks of life. Q: Wheres the worst place to get stuck in Minecraft? A: In a 1-by-1 hole with another person. Q: What do chickens in Minecraft say? A: Block, block, block! Q: What would a rooster in Minecraft say? A: Block-a-doodle-doo! Q: Where do most Minecrafters live? A: Apartment blocks. Q: What do you get when you cross LEGO with death? A: Minecraft.

Q: What did the Minecraft character say to the barber? A: Give me a flattop. Q: How do you prevent water from flooding your house in Minecraft? A: Put up a fence! Q: What do a toddler and a Minecrafter have in common? A: They both love to play with blocks. Q: What do Minecrafters call Tetris? A: Primitive Minecraft. Q: Whats the most popular TV game show in Minecraft? A: Overworld Squares. Q: To what cartoon character does Steve most relate? A: SpongeBob SquarePants. Q: What was Steves favorite TV show when he was little? A: Bob the Builder.

Q: Why do parents love Minecraft? A: Because its all about character building! Q: Why cant you play Scrabble with a Minecrafter? A: Because they take all the tiles. Q: What board game makes a Minecrafter cringe? A: Jenga . Q: How are crops in Minecraft like a math book? A: They both have square roots. Q: What kind of parties do Minecrafters throw? A: Block parties. Q: How did Steve tell his friends he was going out to mine for a while? A: He left a Note Block. Q: Whats wet, full of holes, but doesnt leak? A: A Sponge Block.

Q: What is every trade in Minecraft, ultimately? A: A square deal. Q: What can you send a Minecrafter whos far away and feeling lonely? A: A square package. Q: If the Rolling Stones existed in the world of Minecraft, who would be their lead singer? A: Brick Jagger. Q: Whats a pixel? A: The building block of life! Q: When is a Minecraft diamond not a diamond? A: When its Cubic Zirconia. Q: Whos a Minecrafters favorite rapper? A: Ice Cube. Q: Where do Minecrafters go to invest their loot? A: The block market.

Mario: I destroy every block I see! Steve: You what?! Q: What did Steve say to the Villager? A: Havent I seen you a-square these parts? Q: What do the number thirty-six and a Minecraft block have in common? A: Theyre both perfect squares. Q: Whats the best way to chill out in Minecraft? A: With a bucket of Ice Blocks. Q: Whats a Minecrafters favorite kind of fish? A: Walleye. Q: What kind of blocks would you find near an angry creeper? A: Cinder blocks. Q: Whats the difference between New York City and Minecraft? A: One has the great Times Square and the other is a great square time! Q: Whos the president of Minecraft? A: Brick Obama. Q: What does Steve keep in an old drawer? A: Brick-a-brack.