Kerz - EXTREMELY INAPPROPRIATE DAD JOKES: hazardous jokes, side-splitting puns, & hilarious one-liners... to make you the master of questionable comedy

Disclaimer: Many of these jokes contain what could be considered vile or offensive language and/or content and are only intended for a mature audience. Reader (and listener) discretion is advised. Copyright 2019 by Racehorse Publishing All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without the express written consent of the publisher, except in the case of brief excerpts in critical reviews or articles. All inquiries should be addressed to Racehorse Publishing, 307 West 36th Street, 11th Floor, New York, NY 10018. Racehorse Publishing books may be purchased in bulk at special discounts for sales promotion, corporate gifts, fund-raising, or educational purposes.

Special editions can also be created to specifications. For details, contact the Special Sales Department, Skyhorse Publishing, 307 West 36th Street, 11th Floor, New York, NY 10018 or . Racehorse Publishing is a pending trademark of Skyhorse Publishing, Inc., a Delaware corporation. Visit our website at www.skyhorsepublishing.com. 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available on file. Cover photograph by Getty Images Interior art credit: iStockphoto/Getty Images ISBN: 978-1-63158-514-2 E-Book ISBN: 978-1-63158-516-6 Printed in the United States of America Contents INTRODUCTION As a dad, you can always be counted on to find a way to effectively ruin a perfectly nice moment with a corny, sometimes dated, but never ill-conceived dad joke.

You do this wherever and whenever the opportunity presents itself with unflinching consistency because... frankly... you love to annoy your family. When your kids were born, it quickly became your mission in lifeyour sole reason for beingto antagonize and torment them (and your significant other) with eye-rolling jokes and miraculously uncool puns. But the jokes in this volume are definitely not suitable to tell your kids! Just when you were starting to get bored with your regular material and consider re-examining your repertoire, Extremely Inappropriate Dad Jokes swoops in to save the day! This magnificent book will equip you with more groan-inducing jokesand whats worse (for your audience) is that theyre even more cringe-worthy than the last batch. Each of the jokes enclosed in this awe-inspiring reference is sure to evoke some sort of response.

Almost none of these responses will be laughter, but thats the point, right? The more face-palming and head-shaking, the better. This tell-all guide is the perfect companion for mastering the art of the dad joke and expanding upon your serious lack of humor. After all, dad jokes are no laughing matter. JOKES A wife decides to spruce up her sex life by buying some crotchless lingerie. Pleased with herself, she dons the lingerie and sits on the sofa in front of her husband, spread eagle. Are those crotchless undies? he asks.

Yes, she replies seductively. Thank goodness for that! her husband exclaims. I thought you were sitting on the cat! A MAN SPENDS NINE MONTHS TRYING TO GET OUT OF A WOMAN AND THE REST OF HIS LIFE TRYING TO GET BACK IN. Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey? Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork. Two men were in the doctors office. Each of them is to get a vasectomy.

The nurse comes into the room and tells both men Strip and put on these gowns before going in to see the doctor to have your procedures done. A few minutes later, she returns and reaches into one mans gown and proceeds to fondle and ultimately begins to masturbate him. Shocked as he is, he asks, Why are you doing that? She replies, We have to vacate the sperm from your system to have a clean procedure. The man, not wanting to be a problem and enjoying it, allows her to complete her task. After she is through, she proceeds to the next man. She starts to fondle him as she had the previous man, but then drops to her knees and proceeds to give him oral sex.

The first man, seeing this, quickly responds, Hey! Why is it that I get masturbated and he gets a blow job? The nurse simply replies, Thats the difference between Medicare and Private Health Coverage! Whats the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One is a Goodyear. The other is a great year. A MAN AND HIS WIFE WERE TRYING TO DECIDE WHAT TO DO ONE EVENING . The man says, Well flip a coin. Heads I get tail, tails I get head! A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. Where the hell do you think youre going? he asks.

She replies, Im going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free.