Joe Kerz - Dad Jokes: More Than 400 Unbearable, Groan-Inducing One-Liners Sure to Make You the Deadliest Dad With a Pun

Copyright 2018 by Racehorse Publishing All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without the express written consent of the publisher, except in the case of brief excerpts in critical reviews or articles. All inquiries should be addressed to Racehorse Publishing, 307 West 36th Street, 11th Floor, New York, NY 10018. Racehorse Publishing books may be purchased in bulk at special discounts for sales promotion, corporate gifts, fund-raising, or educational purposes. Special editions can also be created to specifications. For details, contact the Special Sales Department, Skyhorse Publishing, 307 West 36th Street, 11th Floor, New York, NY 10018 or .

Racehorse Publishing is a pending trademark of Skyhorse Publishing, Inc., a Delaware corporation. Visit our website at www.skyhorsepublishing.com. 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available on file. Cover illustration by iStockphoto/Vect0r0vich ISBN: 978-1-63158-372-8 E-Book ISBN: 978-1-63158-373-5 Printed in the United States of America Contents INTRODUCTION As if being a father wasnt hard enough, now you have to be funny as well? Its a high-pressure situation. Thankfully, some genius fathers must have gotten together and realized that they had to right the ship, and this book provides you smooth sailing even if you are a novice at the pun game. Theres plenty here to dig into.

Grab your shovel. The great thing about the Dad Joke is that it gives you the opportunity to revolt in your own way. How many things have you been asked to fix today that you simply dont know how to fix? How many times did you have to make room for the kids sleeping in your bed only to find yourself eventually displaced to the couch? Now, its time for revenge. Make the kids cringe; be spectacularly uncool. Each and every one of these jokes enclosed in this tome are sure to illicit a response. None of these responses may be laughter, but there will surely be a reaction! The more eye-rolling and forehead-slapping, the better.

If all goes well youll hear an annoyed statement of DAD! and youll know youve done your job. Be sure to share the content of this book with other fathers. The time has comeget ready to unleash your corniest pun and worst groaner. Dad Jokes are no laughing matter. JOKES WHAT DID THE POLICEMAN SAY TO HIS BELLY BUTTON? Youre under a vest! Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because he felt crummy! Why did Billy throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly! WHAT DO LAWYERS WEAR TO COURT? Lawsuits! What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta! Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway! What did one toilet say to the other toilet? You look flushed! WHAT DO YOU CALL A BELT WITH A WATCH ON IT? A waist of time! How do you find a Princess? You follow the foot Prince. What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court.

HOW MANY TICKLES DOES IT TAKE TO MAKE AN OCTOPUS LAUGH? Ten-tickles. What do you call the heavy breathing someone makes while trying to hold a yoga pose? Yoga pants. WHAT IS THE BEST DAY TO GO TO THE BEACH? Sunday, of course! How do hens cheer for their team? They egg them on! Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second-hand shop. WHEN DOES FRIDAY COME BEFORE THURSDAY? In the dictionary! How does NASA organize a party? They planet.