Niro - Dad jokes: the good, the bad, the terrible

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Get it? A table of contents! Q: When does a joke become a dad joke? A: When it becomes apparent! Ah, the dad jokehumor that reminds us of all the lovable, embarrassing dads out there, both real and fictional. Most joke books try to avoid these jokesthe obvious, the silly, the awkward.

But this book steers straight ahead to the absolute cringe-worthy! These are the cheesy puns, overly literal one-liners, and witty quips dads tell that we all know and love (maybe somewhat reluctantly). Youll find jokes on everything from food and animals to professions and traffic, so buckle up, folks! You are about to read some of the best dad jokes imaginable!

Dad, will you hand me my sunglasses? As soon as you hand me my dadglasses, Son. Q: What did the pen say to the other pen? A: Youre inkredible! It was easy for me to master braille once I got a feel for it. Q: What did one eye say to the other eye? A:Between you and me, something smells. Dad, can you put my shoes on? I dont think theyd fit me. I tell dad jokes but I have no kids.

Im a faux pa. Q: What do you call a small parent? A: A minimum! Im terrified of elevators. Im going to start taking steps to avoid them. As a child, it was my dream to make a perfect bar of soap, but somehow it just slipped away. Q: What do snowmen do in their spare time? A: They just chill. Q: What do you call someone with no body and no nose? A: Nobody knows. Q: What do you call someone with no body and no nose? A: Nobody knows.

Do you want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind; its tearable. My father and I were in the car traveling to a family outing. On the way, after passing a graveyard, my dad asked, Did you know thats a popular cemetery? No, why? I responded. People are just dying to get in there! he replied. After I groaned, he continued, in all seriousness, But really, did you know I cant be buried there? Why not, Dad? I asked, surprised. Because Im not dead yet! The bank robber took a bath after a heist.

He wanted to make a clean getaway. Q: Why did the boy bring a ladder to chorus? A: He wanted to sing higher! Did you hear about the houses that fell in love? It was a lawn-distance relationship. Q: Why did the belt go to jail? A: Because it held up a pair of pants! Our wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers. Never buy anything with Velcro. Its a total rip-off. Q: Why did the scarecrow win an award? A: Because he was outstanding in his field.

Did you hear about the guy who invented Life Savers? They say he made a mint. Dad, are you going to take a bath? No, Im leaving it where it is. Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory? Hundreds of soles were lost. I worked out so hard, the police put me in jail. I was charged with resisting a rest. Q: Why cant you have a nose that is twelve inches long? A: Because then it would be a foot.

Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got twelve months. Q: Can February march? A: No, but April may. The cops just arrested the Energizer Bunny! They charged him with battery. I got an expensive bill from the electric company this month. I was shocked. Q: Whats black, white, and read all over? A: A newspaper. Q: Whats black, white, and read all over? A: A newspaper.

I used to hate facial hair, but then it started growing on me. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel after a large chess tournament. Rather than going straight to their rooms, the group stayed together in the lobby discussing the days events and their recent victories. After an hour, the manager of the hotel entered the lobby and asked them to disperse. But why? they asked. The manager answered, Because I cant stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

Did you hear about the perfume thief? She was convicted of fragrancy. Q: When does a bed grow longer? A: At night, because two feet are added to it. My recliner and I go way back. My wife asked me to stop singing Wonderwall to her. I said maybe. Dad, how do I look? With your eyes.

Somebody stole all my lamps. I couldnt be more delighted. Q: Why are there no knock-knock jokes about America? A: Because freedom rings. Id tell you a joke about beds, but it hasnt been made up yet. Q: Who is the strongest thief? A: A shoplifter. Q: What kind of photos do teeth take? A: Toothpics! The shovel was a groundbreaking invention. Q: What kind of photos do teeth take? A: Toothpics! The shovel was a groundbreaking invention.

My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the zoo. Q: How do you make a bandstand? A: Take away their chairs. My ex misses me, but her aim is improving. Q: Why did the man throw the clock out the window? A: Because he heard time flies. If prisoners could take their own mugshots, theyd be called cell-fies. Dad, you put your shoes on the wrong feet! But theyre the only feet I have.

Is this pool safe for swimming? It deep ends. When I was feeling down, my friend told me, It could be worse. You could be stuck underground in a