Thomas Nowak - The Essential Compendium of Dad Jokes: The Best of the Worst Dad Jokes for the Painfully Punny Parent: 301 Jokes!

FOR DADDY, AKA HUDSON,
WHO ALWAYS HAS A CORNY JOKE
UP HIS SLEEVE Copyright 2020 by Maria Ribas Literary, LLC
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher. ISBN 978-1-4521-8413-5 (epub, mobi) Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available. ISBN 978-1-4521-8279-7 (hardcover) Design by Jon Glick. Chronicle Books LLC.
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One says to the other, Do you know how to drive this thing? Why can you never find elephants when they hide in trees? Because theyre so good at it. What do you call a dog that can do MAGIC ? A Lacadabrador. What do you call an alligator in a VEST ? An investigator! I used to have a job COLLECTING LEAVES . I was raking it in. What happens if a FROG parks illegally? They get toad. Why do CRABS never give to charity? Because theyre shellfish creatures! Why couldnt you hear the PTERODACTYL go to the bathroom? Because the P is silent! Why do bees HUM ? Because they dont know the words! I named my dogs ROLEX and TIMEX . Theyre my watch dogs! Whats the difference between a HIPPO and a ZIPPO ? Ones really heavy while the other one is a little lighter. Did you hear about the CIRCUS fire? It was in tents! What do you call a pony with a SORE THROAT ? A little hoarse. I just watched a program about BEAVERS . It was the best dam program Ive ever seen. What did the PIRATE say on his th birthday? Aye, matey! How can you tell if an ANT is a boy or a girl? Theyre all girls, otherwise theyd be uncles. How do you organize an OUTER SPACE party? You planet. I dont know why TREES make me so nervous... I guess because theyre so shady. What type of magazines do COWS enjoy reading? Cattlelogs. What did the OCEAN say to the sailboat? Nothing; it just waved. What do you call an ELEPHANT that doesnt matter? An irrelephant. What did the mermaid wear to MATH CLASS ? An algae-bra. What do you call a fish with NO EYES ? A fsh. I ordered a CHICKEN and an EGG online. and then it hit me. Which letter has THE MOST water in it? The . Have you heard the joke about the GIANT ? Never mind; its over your head. What did the angry HEDGEHOG say to its enemy? Im going to quill you. What did the FISH say when he swam into a wall? Dam. What do you call a BEE with a QUIET buzz? A mumblebee. What if CATS have been trying to tell us theyre in pain this entire time? Me ow? The credit card company sent me another CAMOUFLAGED bull! Its thoseHIDDEN CHARGESthat you really have to watch out for. Why didnt the DINOSAUR cross the road? Because roads werent invented yet. What do you call a bear with NO EARS ? B. What do you call a snake thats 3.14 meters long? A pi-thon. Whats more impressive than a TALKING DOG ? A spelling bee. Why do you have to be careful when its raining cats and dogs? You might step in a poodle! Did you hear about the huge SALE on canoes? Its quite the oar deal. Where do animals go when they lose their TAILS ?