Sandy Silverthorne - The Best Worst Dad Jokes
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- Book:The Best Worst Dad Jokes
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- Publisher:Baker Publishing Group
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- Year:2022
- Rating:3 / 5
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Thanks for giving me your sense of humor and a ton of art supplies.
Thanks for giving me your sense of humor and a ton of art supplies.
To Vicki, one half of my dad joke audience:
Thank you for your love, support, and laughter. You are truly a gift from God. Its an adventure doing life with you. To Christy, the other half of my audience and sometime contributor:
Thanks for being an amazing example of someone who loves God and loves people. And special thanks to Todd and Steve from LIFE 100.3s Get-Up & Go Show . 
Warning: This book might be hazardous if it ends up in the wrong hands. Warning: This book might be hazardous if it ends up in the wrong hands.
Like the hands of a dad, stepdad, grandpa, uncle, faux pa (a guy with no kids), or even a teacher, pastor, or the guy in the cubicle next to you at work. And at no time whatsoever must this book be used to torment family members, friends, or coworkers. The Best Worst Dad Jokes joke book is full of genuinely eye-rolling one-liners like these: A store owner fought off a robber using only his labeling gun. Police are now looking for a man with a price on his head. There was a time when I couldnt pay the electric bill. It was the darkest time in my life.
So, if youre a dad who just received this bookbe careful. As tempting as it may be, dont in any case afflict your children with lines like the following: I burnt my Hawaiian pizza. I guess I should have put it on aloha temperature. What do you call a hippies wife? Mississippi. Oh, okay, go ahead and torment, torture, or flabbergast your entire family with these amazing jokes, riddles, and one-liners. And many years from now, when your kids are older, theyll look back with fondness and cherish the moments when dad shared these hilarious anecdotes with them.
Or theyll move to Nebraska and forget the whole thing. Instructions
- Read a joke in this award-seeking book.
- Find an unsuspecting person. Its especially helpful if theyre a member of your family.
- Share the hilarious line.
- If theres no response, slow down and repeat the joke, followed by the words Get it?
- If theres still no response, slowly explain the joke to the listener. This always increases the enjoyment of the listener and the effectiveness of the humor.
Kid: Have you seen my sunglasses? Dad: No, have you seen my dad glasses? The first French fries werent really cooked in France. They were cooked in Greece. Did you hear about the guy who invented Tic Tacs? They say he made a mint. Im reading a book on antigravity. I cant put it down. 
I told my wife to embrace her mistakes.
She came over and gave me a hug. Dad: Son, I got you a dictionary for your birthday. Kid: Gee thanks, Dad. I dont know what to say. Dad: I know. Thats why I got it for you.
Dad: Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar? Daughter: Please, Dad, no... Dad: They each got six months. 
Here are the three unwritten rules of life: Whats a foots favorite snack? Dori-toes. No matter how much you push the envelope, its still stationary. What do you call a factory that makes average stuff? A satis-factory. 
Son: Dad, what is irony? Dad: The opposite of wrinkly. Son: Dad, what is irony? Dad: The opposite of wrinkly.
I opened my shoe store for only large-sized shoes. It was no small feat. Why do melons have weddings? Cause they cantaloupe! Whats the leading cause of dry skin? Towels. Kid: My dads a kleptomaniac. Friend: Is he taking anything for it? A slice of apple pie costs $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.25 in the Bahamas. 
I needed a password eight characters long. I needed a password eight characters long.
So I chose Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs . DAD QUOTE: I dont have a dad bod; I have a father figure. Did you hear about the policeman who opened a gardening service? He called it Lawn Order. Why did the school put their cafeteria on the second floor? They wanted to take lunch to the next level. DAD QUOTE: There was a time when I couldnt pay the electric bill. It was the darkest time in my life.
Where do post office workers go on vacation? Parcel-ona. Guy: I tried to make a date with the librarian. Friend: What happened? Guy: She was already booked. Got hit with a bottle of omega-3 tablets yesterday. Im okay. My injuries were super fish oil.
RANDOM THOUGHTS My fear of moving stairs is escalating. I love my fingers; I can always count on them. Someone stole my lamp. Now Im delighted. Dad: Look at that flock of cows over there. Daughter: Herd of cows.
Dad: Of course Ive heard of cows. Theres a whole flock of them over there. 
I childproofed my house, but the kids still figured out how to get in. Where does a cakemaker grow up? Bakersfield. What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee fish! Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was out standing in his field. Why did the clock get kicked out of class? It tocked too much.
I went to the air and space museum. There was nothing there. 
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