Joe Kerz - Really Bad Dad Jokes: More Than 400 Unbearable Groan-Inducing Wisecracks Sure to Make You the Funniest Father With a Quip

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Racehorse Publishing is a pending trademark of Skyhorse Publishing, Inc., a Delaware corporation. Visit our website at www.skyhorsepublishing.com. 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available on file. Cover illustration credit: Getty Images Interior art credit: iStockphoto/Getty Images ISBN: 978-1-63158-513-5 E-Book ISBN: 978-1-63158-515-9 Printed in the United States of America CONTENTSINTRODUCTION Fatherhood is never perfect. Try as you might to be there for your kids, you wont always succeed. However, they can always count on you to be there with the dads most useful tool: the Dad Joke! The Dad Joke can always be used to embarrass and antagonize your children, eliciting the classic eye-roll, face-palm, and the occasional exclamation of DAD!after all, isnt it a dads main purpose in life to torment their children with puns in public? Whether youre an expert pun-maker or a novice, youll never run out of embarrassing riddles and puns with Really Bad Dad Jokes! This compendium of the most groan-worthy jokes and one-liners will be sure to induce the reactions that you live for (even though they make your children die a little inside).

Be prepared for any and every situation with a handy quip. Passing by a graveyard? I bet people are just dying to get in! Having pizza for dinner? Never mind those jokes are just too cheesy. Youll never run out of opportunities to make your family wish theyd just left you at home! So, grab your goggles and swim trunks and dive on into this book thats perfect for any father, young or old! Youll learn everything you need to know about mastering the art of the Dad Joke and unleashing your bad humor upon your family and the world. This may be the most important book you read all year because, after all, Dad Jokes are no laughing matter! JOKESDID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE RESTAURANT ON THE MOON? Great food; no atmosphere. WHAT DO YOU CALL A FAKE NOODLE? An impasta. Want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind, its tearable. I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program Ive ever seen. Whats the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle? Attire. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together. SON: Dad, did you get a haircut? DAD: No, I got them all cut. What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos. Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, I dont think theyll fit me. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field. WHY DONT SKELETONS EVER GO TRICK OR TREATING? Because they have no body to go with. Daughter: Ill call you later. Dad: Dont call me later, call me Dad. What do you call an elephant that doesnt matter? An irrelephant. Want to hear a joke about construction? Im still working on it. What do you call cheese that isnt yours? Nacho Cheese. WHY COULDNT THE BICYCLE STAND UP BY ITSELF? It was two tired. What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine. I wouldnt buy anything with velcro. Its a total rip-off. THE SHOVEL WAS A GROUND-BREAKING INVENTION.Daughter: Dad, can you put the cat out? Dad: I didnt know it was on fire! This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there. Cashier: Would you like your milk in a bag? Dad: No, just leave it in the carton! 5/4 OF PEOPLE ADMIT THAT THEYRE BAD WITH FRACTIONS.Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, Do you know how to drive this thing? WHAT DO YOU CALL A MAN WITH A RUBBER TOE? Roberto. What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller. I would avoid the sushi if I were you. Its a little fishy. To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket you can hide, but you cant run.THE ROTATION OF EARTH REALLY MAKES MY DAY.I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But thats just nuts. Whats brown and sticky? A stick. Ive never gone to a gun range before. I decided to give it a shot! Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because theyre so good at it. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Its fine, he woke up. A FURNITURE STORE KEEPS CALLING ME. All I wanted was one night stand. I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying. Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head. I dont play soccer because I enjoy the sport. Im just doing it for kicks. PEOPLE DONT LIKE HAVING TO BEND OVER TO GET THEIR DRINKS. We really need to raise the bar. Were you there when the TV repairman got married? The reception was excellent. DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE DENTIST AND THE MANICURIST? They fought tooth and nail. My doctor told me I had type A blood. But it was a Type-O. Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations. If a seagull flies over the sea, what flies over the bay? A bagel. What do you call a veterinarian with laryngitis?