Jim Hogan - The Great Book of Dad Jokes- So Bad and Corny Jokes, Theyre Good!

The Great Book of Dad Jokes So Bad and Corny Jokes, Theyre Good! Bad, Corny, Tasteless but Fun Puns & Jokes Vol. 1 Jim Hogan Copyright 2017 by LAK Publishing ALL RIGHTS RESERVED No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher. - Dad, did you get a haircut? - No, I got them all cut! - What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? - Carlos! - Dad, can you put my shoes on? - No, I dont think theyll fit me! - Can I watch the TV? - Yes, but dont turn it on! - I would avoid the sushi if I was you. - Its a little fishy. - You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine. - The good news is..itll feel better when it quits hurting. - Whats brown and sticky? - A stick! - Want to hear a joke about paper? - Nevermind its tearable! - Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? - Great food, no atmosphere! - Ill call you later! - Please dont do that. - The good news is..itll feel better when it quits hurting. - Whats brown and sticky? - A stick! - Want to hear a joke about paper? - Nevermind its tearable! - Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? - Great food, no atmosphere! - Ill call you later! - Please dont do that.

Ive always asked you to call me Dad! - Why did the cookie cry? - Because his father was a wafer so long! - What did the mountain climber name his son? - Cliff! - This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there. - Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? - They say he made a mint! - Would like the milk in a bag? - No, just leave it in the carton! - I got so angry the other day when I couldnt find my stress ball. - If I had a dime for every book Ive ever read, Id say: Wow, thats coincidental. - Im not indecisive. - How many apples grow on a tree? - All of them! - How does a penguin build its house? - Igloos it together! - Dad, make me a sandwich! - Poof, Youre a sandwich! - I heard there was a new store called Moderation. - How many apples grow on a tree? - All of them! - How does a penguin build its house? - Igloos it together! - Dad, make me a sandwich! - Poof, Youre a sandwich! - I heard there was a new store called Moderation.

They have everything there! - A steak pun is a rare medium well done. - How can you tell if an ant is a boy or a girl? - Theyre all girls, otherwise theyd be uncles! - Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth its pasteurized before you even see it! - Whats Forrest Gumps password? - 1forrest1! - The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it. - I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: Dont worry; this is a piece of cake. - I said: No, its a math problem! - People dont like having to bend over to get their drinks. - I dont play soccer because I enjoy the sport. - I dont play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

Im just doing it for kicks. - Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? - I was heels over head! - I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying. - Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? - Because theyre so good at it! - Where did the one-legged waitress work? - IHOP! - What happened when the two antennas got married? - Well, the ceremony was kinda boring, but the reception was great! - What did one snowman say to the other one? - Do you smell carrots? - How do you make a tissue dance? - You put a little boogie in it! - Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice container? - It said concentrate! - If your nose runs and your feet smell, you are built upside down! - I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldnt find any. - How do you organize an outer space party? - You planet! - What do you call a belt with a watch on it? - A waist of time. - What kind of shoes does a thief wear? - Sneakers - A jumper cable walks into a bar. - An invisible man marries an invisible woman. - An invisible man marries an invisible woman.

The kids were nothing to look at either. - I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel. - Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar? - He got 12 months! - A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, Doctor, doctor, I cant feel my legs! -- The doctor replied, I know you cant Ive cut off your arms! - Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? - The stock market! - What did the ocean say to the shore? - Nothing, it just waved! - Whats ET short for? - Because hes only got little legs! - Why do crabs never give to charity? - Because theyre shellfish! - What do you call an Argentinian with a rubber toe? - Roberto! - What do you call a man with no nose and no body? - Nobody nose! - I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems. - What do you call a fish with no eyes? - A fshhhh! - What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying in front of your door? - Matt! - My cat was just sick on the carpet, I dont think its feline well. - I dreamed about drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda last night.

It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea. - Without geometry life is pointless! - A termite walks into a bar and asks Is the bar tender here? - I gave all my dead batteries away today Free of charge! - I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. - I am terrified of elevators. Im going to start taking steps to avoid them. - Whats the advantage of living in Switzerland? - Well, the flag is a big plus! - Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? - Because it was well armed! - A red and a blue ship have just collided in the Caribbean. - Ive deleted the phone numbers of all the Germans I know from my mobile phone. - Ive deleted the phone numbers of all the Germans I know from my mobile phone.

Now its Hans free. - Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily, I was the one facing the TV. - What did daddy spider say to baby spider? - You spend too much time on the web! - How much does a hipster weigh? - An Instagram! - What do you call a group of killer whales playing instruments? - An Orca-stra! - Why was the big cat disqualified from the race? - Because it was a cheetah! - Bicycles cant stand on their own, theyre two tired. - Just watched a documentary about beavers It was the best damn program Ive ever seen. - Well dont go to those places! - Im on a whiskey diet. - Well dont go to those places! - Im on a whiskey diet.

Ive lost three days already. - Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? - Because he was a little horse! - Theres a new type of broom out, its sweeping the nation. - Atheism is a non-prophet organization! - Slept like a log last night woke up in the fireplace. - We were getting fast food when the lady at the window said, Any condiments? - My dad responded, Compliments? You look very nice today! - What cheese can never be yours? - Nacho cheese! - A police officer caught two kids playing with a firework and a car battery. He charged one and let the other one off. - Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? - Its fine, he woke up! - I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it. - Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? - Its fine, he woke up! - I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it.

It was a shitzu. - What did the daddy tomato say to the baby tomato?