George Smith - Dad Jokes: Jokes So Bad, They Are Funny

Jokes So Bad, They Are Funny George Smith Copyright 2018 - All rights reserved. It is not legal to reproduce, duplicate, or transmit any part of this document in either electronic means or in printed format. Recording of this publication is strictly prohibited. Introduction I would like to congratulate you for buying this book, but since you have exposed yourself to the literary equivalent of gastro enteritis it would be in bad taste, rather like the pages you are about to read. It would be irresponsible not to offer a health warning as well. Some of the jokes you will come across, over the next several thousand words, are so bad that they could induce any of the following conditions: Headache Breathlessness Stomach Pain Aching Sides Involuntary contractions of the airways Watering eyes Running nose Lost voice Loud guffaw sounds emanating from your mouth...in fact, the symptoms of...

Joking to death. Indeed, it is possible that some of the readers of this collection of, frankly, awful jokes will need hospitalization to get themselves back on an even keel. In fact, you would be ill -advised (and trust me, as jokes go, that is one of the better ones) to read this alone, or at least without arranging for a friend to check on you in a couple of hours. In these days of gender fluidity, the idea of jokes being constrained to being told by just dads is rather old fashioned not as old as some of the gags you are about to read, but then, nothing living today could be and so I am very happy for them to be read and told by men, women, wives, mothers, fathers, children, dogs and slugs, a creature at the intellectual level needed to fully appreciate the wit, word play, irony and satire of jokes of the quality of, for example: Why did Cyclops give up teaching? Because he only had one pupil. Please, feel free to take a rest and gather yourself together before continuing. Indeed, thinking about teaching reminds me of the English teacher who asked the science teacher out on a date.

He read her poetry throughout their romantic meal, but, why not? After all, thats What he met-a-phor Good one, eh? Bet it made you simile. Back to this wonderful book. A few words about the author, George Smith. George is one of the funniest men on the planet. At least, thats what his wife says. But she puts it better.

Odd is the synonym she uses. In fact, she often adds the word worryingly in front of the adjective. But their private life is their business. This book will make you a healthier, saner, more rounded person. OK, so maybe your job is on the line, your partners joined the gym and has bought a load of new clothes, and had a tattoo with I Love My New Boyfriend on her arm (I know that doesnt work if you are her new boyfriend, but youre not going to get perfection for the money you paid for this book), your kids have entered adolescent grunt land, your car will cost more to repair than it is worth, the roofs leaking and Donald Trump is President. But read just one of the jokes that follow, and you will realize how bad life could really become.

So, read on and delight. As you will know, delight means turn to dark. A darkened room is what youll need after recovering from the hundreds of jokes in this book. And when youve finished, spread the laughter. Buy some glue, cut up the pages and stick them on strangers.

I n this chapter you will learn about the mysterious world of creatures from the underworld, the living dead and the dead unliving. I n this chapter you will learn about the mysterious world of creatures from the underworld, the living dead and the dead unliving.

You will learn that their favorite drink is any kind of spirit (they turn to Sprite when hungover or dyslexic) and that every one of them keeps a bowl of fruit in their sitting room. A bowl full of blood oranges and neck-tarines. You will learn how vampires cloak themselves in mystery, their love of soccer, but only if they be the ghoul-scorer, their strange addiction to fairy tales (and fairies tails) , especially Ghould-dilocks, their fascination with James Bond, their favorite being Ghouled-finger (note from Editor enough ghoul jokes). You will discover about the education of Vampires, how they start at school by learning their alpha-bat, and the tragic story of the failed vampire who fainted at the sight of blood. You will discover about the way they fill their days, playing badminton and their particularly steady hands, which makes them expert en-grave-rs. But this chapter is not just about Vampires, you will discover the world of Cannibals, the number who drowned when they were fired from 17 th Century War Ships; of the successful TV show, featuring six lovable trolls living in a New York apartment block Fiends - and you will learn how all these creatures from the dark have the most disgusting eating habits, goblin their food with no manners.

This is the most frightening chapter in the book. I understand if you wish to vault over it and go on to Chapter Two. But for those brave enough to remain, read on and enjoy what comes neck-st. How many cannibals can you get in the new BMW Mini Cooper S? Millions. They keep eating each other! What is a vampires favorite dessert? Leeches and Scream! What is a vampires favorite musical? Cats. They love the song Midnight.

What do you call a man with a spade in his head? Doug. What do you call a man without a spade in his head? Douglas... What is the perfect menu for a vampire? Scream of Mushroom Soup Followed by Stake And with a bowl of I-Scream for dessert. Vein -illa of course.

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