Jimmy Niro - Dad Jokes Holiday Edition: Yule Love Them!

Copyright 2019 by Sourcebooks Cover and internal design 2019 by Sourcebooks Cover images sv_sunny/Getty Images, Katerina Sisperova/Getty Images Internal images danijelala/Getty Images, incomible/Getty Images, imaginasty/Getty Images, girafchik123/Getty Images, kid-a/Getty Images, Iryna Shkrabaliuk/Getty Images, Freepik Sourcebooks and the colophon are registered trademarks of Sourcebooks All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systemsexcept in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviewswithout permission in writing from its publisher, Sourcebooks. This book is a work of humor and intended for entertainment purposes only. All brand names and product names used in this book are trademarks, registered trademarks, or trade names of their respective holders. Sourcebooks is not associated with any product or vendor in this book. Published by Sourcebooks P.O.

Box 4410, Naperville, Illinois 60567-4410 (630) 961-3900 sourcebooks.com

Dad jokes are back in this ho-ho-holiday edition! From the literal and ridiculous to the goofy and awkward, this book is sure to delight and embarrass your loved ones this holiday season. Youll find the merriest jokes on winter festivities, Hanukkah, Christmas, and New Years, with the absolute best of the worst puns, stories, anti-jokes, and one-liners. Give the gift of tear able dad jokes wrapped up in good fun. Happy hollydays and a punny New Year! I worked as a snow plow driver one winter. It was the coolest job I ever had. Q: What is Jack Frosts favorite drink ? A: Fros tea .

There are always winners and lugers in the Winter Olympics . Q: What did the snowman say to the snowwoman he was trying to woo? A: I only have ice for you. I got addicted to skiing quickly. It was a slippery slope . Q: What is Christopher Walken s favorite Christmas carol? A: Walken in a Winter Wonderland. Do birds know where they are going when they fly south for the winter, or do they just wing it? Q: What is a snowmans greatest fear? A: A blow-dryer.

I used to think Frosty the Snowman and I were good friends, but lately, hes been giving me the cold shoulder. Q: What do you call an iguana in a snowstorm? A: A b lizzard . Im so mad at you for making me skate on this frozen lake . You and I are on thin ice . Q: Why did the NSA whistle-blower spend the whole winter in Russia? A: He was Snowden . Snowmen always get hurt when they play sports .

They refuse to warm up . Q: What happened to the boxer in the winter? A: He was out cold . I saw Frosty the Snowman out shopping for carrots . I guess you could say he was picking his nose . Q: How did the hipster end up in the lake? A: He went ice-skating before it was cool . I heard Humpty Dumpty is having an awful winter, which is a shame, because he had a great fall ! Q: Why do bees stay in their hive all winter ? A: S warm .

Winter is my favorite season. Its way cooler than summer. I cant believe its going to snow today. But, Dad, its eighty degrees outside! Thats why I cant believe its going to snow. I was clearing the snow off the driveway with my son today. He looked at me and said, Dad, I wish you would just use a shovel.

Q: What do you call an elderly snowman? A: Water My wife was going out of town for work for a couple of days, and we had a bad winter storm forecast for our area. I mentioned to her that we should make a run to the grocery store before she left, in case one of us got stranded because of the snow. She rolled her eyes at me. You just want me to do the shopping because youre lazy, she said. No! I replied. I just want to make sure its snow problem! Q: Why did the snowman want a divorce? A: Because he thought his spouse was a flake.

Global warming is terrible for people who live in igloos. Theyll have no privacy! Q: What did the tree say after a long winter? A: What a re leaf ! My snowman threw a temper tantrum. Im talking a complete melt down. Q: What did the hat say to the scarf ? A: You hang around . Ill go on a head . Dad, is it going to snow this Christmas? I dont know.

Its all up in the air . Q: How did the snowman get to work? A: By icicle . Never go to a wedding in the winter. Someone always gets cold feet . Q: What do you call a snowmans prison ? A: A snow globe . The ski trip started off great, but it was all downhill from there.

Q: How does a penguin build a house ? A: Igloos it together. Everyone teased the snowman about his long and pointy nose. Luckily, he didnt carrot all. Q: What do you call a snowmans cell phone ? A: A snow mobile . Snowmen can lose weight so easily. The pounds just melt away! Q: How did the polar bear get so far from home? A: He lost his bear ings.

A man was out with his friends for a day of skiing but was feeling a bit under the weather. Are you okay? his buddy asked after the first run. You look like you might be sick. The man assured his friend that he was fine, and they got on the chairlift together to go back to the top of the hill. Something about the fresh air and the beautiful views on the chairlift made him feel better. By the time they got back up the mountain, he felt good as new.

He said, Ahh, that was just the lift I needed! Q: Wheres the best place to train sled dogs ? A: In the mush room. Dad, my friend Jordan wears snow pants at recess. Wow. Why dont the teachers tell her to put pants on? Q: What do you call a disinterested snowman? A: A snow board . That snow pun was great. Icy what you did there.

Q: Why did the skeleton stand out all night in the snow ? A: He was a numb skull. I feel bad for snowmen . They can only smell carrots . Q: What prize did the snowmans dog win at the dog show ? A: Best in snow . Schools were closed today due to bad winter weather. It was literally too cool for school.

Q: Why couldnt the snowman get a tan? A: Because snowmen have no melanin. Also, they melt in the sun. Dad, snow is falling ! I hope it doesnt get hurt . Q: Where does Jack Frost keep his money ? A: In a snow bank . You know its cold outside when you walk outside and its cold. Q: How do you make an angry snowman calm down? A: Tell him to take a chill pill.

One time, I sent my dad a pile of snow for Christmas. I called him a few hours later and asked him if he got my drift . Q: What is a snowman s favorite breakfast food? A: Frosted Flakes . Dont tell jokes when youre ice-skating. The ice might crack up . At school, they announced our class was going on a winter field trip.

When I got home that day, I asked my dad if he could sign the permission slip and give me some money for the excursion. In response, he asked where we are headed and how much money I would need. I told him, Were going to the ice rink to skate. I only need five dollars to go. My dad said, Wow, now thats what I call a cheap skate ! Dad, our snowman melted! I think hes just dehydrated. Q: What do you call a snowman with a six-pack ? A: An abdominal snowman.