Jimmy Niro - Super Dad Jokes: Saving the World, One Bad Joke at a Time

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My dad once told me that if I wanted to make a difference in the world, I should put my money where my mouth is. He was right. I can really taste the change . Q: Whats the difference between a b ad joke and a d ad joke? A: The first letter . Lately, people have been making apocalypse jokes like theres no tomorrow . Dad, why are you standing outside? So if anyone asks, Im outstanding .

I dont always tell dad jokes, but when I do, he laughs. Q: Whats yellow and kills you if you get it in your eye? A: A bulldozer. Bad puns, thats how eye roll . In a recent poll, 80 percent of people in America said they would not open their homes to a sentient water basin that walked up to their door and asked for shelter. Let that sink in. Dad, will you be coming to the baby shower? Id prefer a full-size shower, thanks.

Q: What superpower do you get when you become a parent ? A: Supervision . I was really bored, so I made a belt out of all my watches. It was a waist of time. I have this bad habit of kicking ice cubes under the refrigerator when they fall on the floor. One time, my wife caught me doing it and got really angry. She said I wasnt being responsible.

A few hours later, though, she wasnt mad at me anymore. I guess its all water under the fridge . Q: Do you know what the leading cause of dry skin is? A: Towels . Q: What did the windmill say when she met her favorite celebrity? A: Oh my god! Im such a big fan ! I used to be addicted to the hokeypokey , but then I turned myself around . Some people think my dad jokes are childish , which is crazy. They are obviously full groan .

Dad, your jokes are hilarious. I think I have your sense of humor. Well, give it back! One time, I won a sweepstakes where the grand prize was a one-year supply of calendars. They only sent me one calendar. Q: What did the ghost say when he introduced his girlfriend to his parents? A: This is my boo . I feel bad for Bigfoot .

He must have so much trouble finding shoes that fit. Did you know that all the people who live around here arent allowed to be buried in the nearest cemetery? Really? Why not? Because theyre still alive! My partner does a really great job ironing . Im always im pressed . Q: Whats blue and smells like red paint? A: Blue paint. The furniture store keeps calling me, but I only wanted one nightstand ! Q: Why did the old lady fall down the well? A: She didnt see that well. Dad! Leave me a lone ! Okay, how much do you want? Today, my son came downstairs and said, Hey, do you have a bookmark? I burst into tears.

Hes fourteen years old and still calls me Hey instead of Dad. Im like the fabric version of King Midas. Everything I touch becomes felt . Q: What happened to the teenager who went to jail ? A: His face broke out . They just opened a new store down the block. Its called Moderation .

They have everything in there. Q: What does a house wear ? A: Ad dress . I told your mom that she had drawn her eyebrows too high . She looked surprised . Q: What do you call a story where everyone dies at the end ? A: A dead end . A banker told me that with the right savings account, I could make money off my money.

It was interest ing. I know I tell a lot of knock knock jokes, but I just a door them. Dad, where are we staying when we go on vacation? A hotel , I guess. Is that a bad thing? I have my reservations . My wife and I were buying a new house, so she asked me to pick out a new vacuum cleaner. When I asked if she had any preferences about the choice, she said I should read some reviews of the vacuums that were available in our price range.

I dont need to read reviews, I told her. I already know they all suck . If I had a dime for every book Ive ever read, I would say, Wow, what a coin cidence! I think I have something in my shoe. Im pretty sure thats a foot. I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me. Did you hear about the invisible man who married the invisible woman? I guess their kids werent much to look at.

Q: What do prisoners use to call each other? A: Cell phones. I tried to have a conversation with my roommate when she was applying a mud mask. You should have seen the filthy look she gave me. Q: What do you call an old person with really good hearing ? A: Deaf defying. As I handed my dad his fiftieth birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, You know, one would have been enough. I cant stand elevators .

They drive me up the wall . My son must have been relieved to have finally been born. He looked like he was running out of womb in there. Q: Why are skeletons so calm? A: Nothing gets under their skin . I woke up in the fireplace this morning. I guess you could say I slept like a log .

Atheism is a non- prophet organization. Dad, wheres the bin ? I dont know. I havent been anywhere! I seem to have lost my mood ring. Im not sure how I feel about it. Q: Why did the picture go to jail? A: It was framed ! I traded our bed for a trampoline . My spouse hit the roof .

Q: Why is your nose in the middle of your face? A: Its the s center . My cell phone doesnt work in the graveyard . I guess you could call it a dead zone. To the person on crutches who stole my camouflage jacket: you can hide , but you cant run. I once met a man who had five legs. His pants fit like a glove .

The skeleton never gives his friends any valentines. His heart just isnt in it. Dad, Ive got a great idea for an invention. What is it? A pencil, but with erasers at both ends! Im going to be honest: I just dont see the point . Once upon a time, a man found a magic lamp in a cave. When he rubbed the lamp, a genie came out.