Aileen Weintraub - The Everything Kids Gross Jokes Book: Side-splitting Jokes That Make Your Skin Crawl!

THE
EVERYTHING
KIDS'
GROSS JOKES BOOK Side-splitting jokes that make your skin crawl! Aileen Weintraub
Adams Media
Avon, Massachusetts EDITORIAL
Publishing Director: Gary M. Krebs
Associate Managing Editor: Laura M. Daly
Associate Copy Chief: Brett Palana-Shanahan
Acquisitions Editor: Kate Burgo
Development Editor: Katie McDonough
Associate Production Editor: Casey Ebert PRODUCTION
Director of Manufacturing: Susan Beale
Associate Director of Production: Michelle Roy Kelly
Series Designers: Colleen Cunningham, Erin Ring
Layout and Graphics: Colleen Cunningham,
Holly Curtis, Erin Dawson, Sorae Lee
Cover Layout: Paul Beatrice, Erick DaCosta,
Matt LeBlanc Copyright 2005, F+W Publications, Inc. All rights reserved. This book, or parts thereof,
may not be reproduced in any form without permission from the publisher; exceptions are made
for brief excerpts used in published reviews and photocopies made for classroom use. An Everything Series Book.
Everything and www.everything.com are registered trademarks of F+W Publications, Inc.

Published by Adams Media, an imprint of Simon & Schuster, Inc.
57 Littlefeld Street, Avon, MA 02322. U.S.A.
www.adamsmedia.com ISBN 10: 1-59337-448-8
ISBN 13: 978-1-59337-448-8
Printed in the United States of America. J I H G F E D C B Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
available from publisher. This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information with regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or other professional advice. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought.

From a Declaration of Principles jointly adopted by a Committee of the American Bar Association and a Committee of Publishers and Associations Cover and interior illustrations by Kurt Dolber.
Puzzles by Beth L. Blair. This book is available at quantity discounts for bulk purchases.
For information, call 1-800-289-0963. See the entire Everything series at www.everything.com DEDICATION To my brother Neil: The slimiest person I know.
And to Aka Satchie Redstone Princess of All Things Purple, Divine, and Serendipitous Sour Grapes, my puppy, who brings me much joy but can he pretty gross at times. ACKNOWLEDGMENTSI'd like to thank all the people at Adams Media who worked on this book, especially my editors, Kate Burgo and Katie McDonough. I'd also like to thank Christopher Sauer for listening to every gross joke in this book and Edward Serken for his inspiration.

Contents Introduction Y ou may not realize it, but the world is a pretty gross place. Just look around. There are slimy moldy creepy crawly things everywhereeven on your own body! From dust mites and hair lice to fleas and bedbugs, there are little creatures hiding in the dark corners of your home all the time! And gross gook like mold, rust, grime, and pus can appear anywhere! There's no escaping itthis stuff is always going to be a part of life. But gross things don't have to be scary; learning about them can be fun and exciting. Making jokes about them is even better. Not only are the things around us gross, but we're pretty revolting ourselves.

Our bodies do really nasty things on a daily basis, and if we're not careful, we can easily offend others with bad smells, horrific sounds, and disgusting sights. We produce earwax, snot, phlegm, and sweat every day. We can't avoid these things, so why not joke about them? This book will help you find the funny side of all the foul things around you. You'll giggle with delight reading and reciting jokes about everything from cannibals and vampires to frogs in blenders and chickens that didn't quite make it across the road. You can gross out your friends time and time again with jokes about slippery slime, curdled milk, sickening scabs, and gooey boogers. These are all important topics in the world of grossologythe study of grossness.

By the time you're done reading this book, you'll be an expert in that field. If you love to burp, fart, pick scabs, and examine puppy puke, you'll get endless enjoyment from this book. Getting involved in the grosser side of life takes some time and effort, so be patient. To really live the gross lifestyle, you'll have to memorize some of these grotesque jokes, pay careful attention to the freaky facts, and try every one of the gross recipes. Then you'll have to share what you've learned with everyone from your best friend to your grandmother, even if you don't think they'll appreciate it. Remember, the only thing better than being gross is being funny and gross.

Spread these spine-tingling, nauseating, nasty jokes to everyone you know. Before long, the whole neighborhood will be chuckling with disgust. So, enjoy these jokes, embrace the world of creepy crud, and go forth and spread the grossness. Chapter 1
Creepy Critters What did the slug say as it slipped down the sidewalk? How slime flies. What's the difference between an earthworm and a cookie? An earthworm doesn't fall apart when you dunk it in milk. What do you get when you have 288 roaches crawling in your have Too gross. What is the last thing to go through a fly's mind as he crashes into a window? His rear end. What am I? I can disguise myself without you ever knowing I'm there! I have no real defenses, so I have to be creative. What am I? I can disguise myself without you ever knowing I'm there! I have no real defenses, so I have to be creative.

If I'm in danger, I can pretend to be something else. When a predator comes near, I freeze and look just like a piece of wood. What am I? A treehopper. What did one maggot say to the other when they found themselves stuck in an apple? Let's see you worm your way out of this. What do you get if you cross a centipede with a parrot? A walkie talkie. Man:I'm not fishingI'm teaching my pet worm to swim. What did the slime say to the mold when they saw each other after a long while? You gruesome since I saw you last. Customer:Waiter, waiter, what's this roach doing on my ice cream?Waiter:I think it's skiing downhill. What did the banana say to the maggot? You're boring me to death. Teacher:If I have eight files on my desk and swat one, how many are left?Student:Just onethe dead one. Knock Knock Who's there? Spider. Knock Knock Who's there? Spider.

Spider who? Spider everything, I still think you're pretty gross. What am I? I have a very unique way of hiding. First I suck the life out of a greenfly. Then I bask in the fly's juices. Whatever's left of the dead body I stick on my back to camouflage myself from predators. What am I?