Harry H. Harrison - Father to Daughter: Life Lessons on Raising a Girl

Workman Publishing Company New York

I was amazed and gratified by the response to my earlier book, Father to Son.

So many dads (and moms) of boys told me how much reading it meant to them. As an author, you treasure those moments.

But the most surprising thing was that dads of girls told me they read the book, too. I asked them, Well, is raising a girl like raising a boy? and mostly theyd smile and say, No, its another world.

And theyd ask why there wasnt a father book for them. With all the interest and sentiment devoted to the mother-daughter relationship, the relationship between fathers and daughters was often overlooked. But, of course, a strong, loving father is as important to a girl as he is to a boy.

So, spurred to action by several dear friends, I set out to interview dads of successful daughters. Their daughters are academic powerhouses, star athletes, talented artists, honors graduates, fearless missionaries, and successful entrepreneurs. These women embrace their roles as mothers and wives and breadwinners because of the way they were raised. These dads had obviously done an outstanding job. Their daughters are changing society. They had changed their dads.

All the men I interviewed shared one precept: that it was important to be involved in their daughters lives.

This is really their book. I just wrote down what they said.

Raising a girl takes two parents:

A mom to show her how to be a woman.

A dad to encourage her to be fearless.

A dads job is to make his daughter courageous. To make her feel beautiful. To give her a sense of adventure. To give her security and the confidence to handle any situation.

The relationship between a dad and a daughter is very simple: She will love her father and trust him completely, forever.

Because hes her first love. Her first hero. The first man in her life.

1. Always be involved in her life.
2. Respect and honor her mom.
3. Treasure every moment with her.
4. Pray for her every day.
5. Be her hero.

Realize from the beginning that even at one week old, shes a girl. So shes going to be just as charming, and just as mystifying, as every other girl you know. Being her dad will not change this.

Accept the fact that she will melt your heart anytime she chooses.

Take part in her life now. Dont wait until shes fifteen to try to develop a relationship.

She may look adorable, but be forewarnedher diaper is going to be just as challenging as any boys.

When you get home from work, hold her as much as possible. This is for your benefit as much as hers.

Sing to her while youre rocking her. Shell love hearing your voiceand its a great way to pass the time at 1 a.m.

Be sure to take a lot of photos of her now. She is changing every day.

Tell her from Day One that she can accomplish anything.

Let her sleep on your chest when shes a baby. This is when the world begins to make sense.

Yes, shes a girl. But her screams will be as loud as any baby boys when shes hungry or tired or upset.

Make her part of your worldlet her see you shave, work, read, and relax. Shell love spending time with you, no matter what youre doing. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Memorize her face. Her eyes. Her hands. Shell be memorizing everything about you.

Keep saying Daddy over and over to her. Theres a good chance Da-Da will be her first word.

Introduce her to the joys of ice cream and chocolate sauce. Shell have as much fun playing with it as she will eating it.

Give her baths. Do not leave this to Mom alone. It is pure magic.

Come to grips with the fact that you cannot carry her around all her life. She will eventually have to learn to walk.

Remember, if you yell at a boy not to play with a wall socket, hell either stomp off or do it anyway. A girl will cry.

When she babbles at you in baby talk, always respond with a positive: Yes. Of course. Youre right. Soon enough, youll be telling her no all the time.

Her mom will show her how to bake chocolate chip cookies. You show her how to dunk them in milk.

Realize when she starts walking that anything she can reach will disappear. Find a childproof place for your keys. Your cell phone. The TV remote.

Know that while you will never understand her thing for dolls, you will buy her more of them than you can possibly imagine.

Teach her to count. First her fingers. Then Cheerios, M&Ms, dandelions, and fireflies.

Emotionally, physically, and spiritually healthy girls are raised in a loving atmosphere. Do all you can to create a tranquil, harmonious home.

Let the family dog sit under her high chair at dinner. Your daughter will be a source of food for him, and the dog will be a constant source of wonder for her.

Invest money in a college fund. Now.

Be prepared to watch Disney movies with her some 200 times. Each.

Your wife can play her Mozart and Beethoven symphonies. You introduce her to the Beatles.

Tickle her, play with her, give her piggyback rides. Shes not breakable.

Never abandon the sense of wonder that comes from watching her and her mother together.

Relish the moments when she toddles up and for no reason at all throws her arms around your neck. Resist the urge to buy her the world.

Trust her mom to understand the mystery of little girls. You have yet to figure out the mystery of big ones.

Realize that if you take her on a plane trip before she can talk, theres a good chance shell scream for two and a half hours.

Encourage her to go barefoot.

Never, ever make fun of her.

Bear in mind that from the very beginning, your personality will shape her.

Realize that as you shape her, she will shape you.

Dont think that because shes a sweet little girl she cant throw food with the best of them.

Buy her a beautiful necklace very early on. Continue to add pearls or precious stones to it as she grows older.

When you take her to the movies, be ready for her to bring along five or six of her favorite stuffed animals. When fathers of boys look at you strangely, act as if her behavior makes perfect sense.

She will want a pet. She will also want to dress her pet in costumes and take it for strolls in her doll carriage.

Take her out shopping, just the two of you. Remember, shes five. You dont need to threaten your 401(k). But youll be tempted.

Always remember, she can do anything a boy can do. (In fact, her odds of going to medical school are better than a boys!)

Brush her hair. Youll be amazed at how long shell want you to do this.

Never forget that fathers who arent just supportive but also around produce daughters with high self-esteem.

Read to her often. Very soon, shell be reading to you.

Build a shelf for her dolls and stuffed animal collection. Ask her to tell you stories about each one.

Have tea parties with her. Nibble on whatever she puts in front of you. Tell her its delicious.

Take her to the zoo. Shell love the elephants, the monkeys, the lions, the petting zooeverything.

Buy her a jungle gym. However, if she falls off that jungle gym, disregard those thoughts about killing yourself.