Brian A. Klems - Oh Boy, Youre Having a Girl: A Dads Survival Guide to Raising Daughters

If youre a guy and youve opened this book, you either have a daughter, are on the verge of having a daughter, or are in the delivery room hoping that the sweet bundle of joy that just emerged from your wife somehow, someway, spontaneously grows a penis. I am here to tell you: That almost never happens.

One thing is certainly clearyoure out of your element. Youve spent all your life being a guy, developing skills like chest-bumping and growing a mustache, all of which provide zero education on how to raise a girl. In fact, your friends, who are acutely aware of how little you know about girls, are probably still unclear as to how you landed such a smart, beautiful wife. They definitely wont believe you when you tell them that you wowed her by finishing third in your legacy fantasy baseball league. (They also will remind you that your team, The Man-Eating Sweater Vests, actually finished fifth.)

I know, things dont look pretty at this point. Youre starting down a path littered with tip-toeing ballet shoes and make-believe tea (though, when its poured from a pot brewed by sweet little daughter hands, youll be surprised at how quickly youll learn to love it). You are going to schedule emergency eye doctor appointments to confirm (or deny) that you are suffering from a rare condition that allows you to see only shades of pink. And, youll spend every second of every hour of every day trying to convince your wife that the outside of your house is in dire need of a seventeen-foot-wide moat filled with alligators and fire-breathing dragons. (NOTE: Ive read that doing this increases your property value and saves you on homeowners insurance.)

But before you start to panic and say something crazy to your wife like, Are you sure this baby is mine? or I liked the way LeBron handled his exit from Cleveland, hear me out. Raising a daughter is one of the biggest challenges you will ever experience as a guybut its also one of the most rewarding.

All joking aside, daughters really are the best. I have three of them and I wouldnt have it any other way. They are responsible for most of my laughs and smiles. They are the reason I get excited when a new Dorathe Explorer special is on TV. They are the reason I work so hard each and every day to make the world a better place.

Still, raising girls isnt a challenge you can take lightly. Trust me, I know.

At the very young male age of twenty-seven, I started picturing what itd be like to have a family because my wife told me it was time to start picturing what itd be like to have a family. So I did. I imagined a yard, with freshly cut grass and manicured hedges thanks to my eldest son, who could give his old man a run for his money in an arm-wrestling competition. I imagined sharing a few laughs with my middle son as we drove around the fairway, pretending that our tee shots actually landed somewhere other than out of bounds. And I imagined coaching my youngest son on his way to a Little League championship, remaining calm and composed, even though hes clearly unaware that his batting helmet is on backward.

For the first time, I could see myself as a father. And a moderately okay one at that. It made me a little less scared of parenthood.

Of course, everything unraveled a year later when my first daughter was born. And then my second daughter was born. And then my third daughter was see a pattern here? Within the blink of an eye, I went from dreams of arm wrestling and Little League to being the proud father of three daughters under the age of five. I had no one to blame but my wife, who Im pretty sure willed herself to have girls just to punish me for leaving globs of toothpaste in the bathroom sink.

Despite a brief period of initial panic, Ive lived through it. (In fact, Ive learned to love it!) And I want to help you survive it (and love it) too. Ive learned a lot during my first five years of having daughters. I hope through my experiences, advice, and wisdom, youll learn to rise to the challenge when your daughter requires help naming all the Disney princesses, or asks you, in front of your softball buddies, Dad, where are your boobs? (Trust me, this will happen, but well get to that later.) As it turns out, I didnt need arm wrestling and Little League to be a great dad or a happy family man. Ive actually come to loveokay, tolerateballet, pink, and Dora. Now I wouldnt change my life for anything.

By the end of this book, you wont feel nearly as terrified as you did when the doctor uttered those five life-changing words, OH BOY, ITS A GIRL! In fact, you will start to feel lucky that you have daughtersafter all, they are called Daddys Girls for a reason.

But Id still consider building that moat.