Rosalind Powell - How I Met My Son: A Journey Through Adoption

HOW I MET
MY SON

A JOURNEY THROUGH ADOPTION

ROSALIND POWELL

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Copyright Rosalind Powell, 2016

Extract from Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal? by Jeanette Winterson, published by Jonathan Cape. Reprinted by permission of The Random House Group Ltd

Extract from Farther Away by Jonathan Franzen. Copyright Jonathan Franzen, 2012. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd

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To my darling boy and his lovely dad

Please note that many of the names in this book have been changed
to protect the identities of those involved.

by Satwinder Sandhu, Director of Operations at
The Homefinding & Fostering Agency, and Former
Director of Adoption and Fostering at PACT

I had just come back to work in London, after a year in Australia, when I started working with Ros and Harry. Like me, they loved to travel and enjoyed talking about a whole manner of interesting subjects, so our time together was always well spent. In our case, though, I was their social worker from the adoption agency, so the type of journey I joined them on was quite different to visiting far-flung continents. This one was all about finding them a child to come and live with them in their own home.

I never imagined we would be at this stage of that same journey so many years later, when I would be reading about the whole experience of adoption from Ros own perspective, but here we are.

For me as a social worker specialising in adoption and fostering, I am in a unique and privileged position. I get to know people in a way that perhaps even those closest to them dont, and I get to be a part of their family as it is created or expanded. It is an absolutely fascinating role when you break it down to those bare bones. I do not know why I was drawn to such work, but I have always loved it. As a social worker and as a manager it has certainly provided me with a way to connect to, and be part of, future generations without having a child of my own.

I firmly believe that adoption gives children in need a lifeline. It is not about saving them like a Hollywood film might have us believe, but giving them an opportunity to be part of a family and to be their own person. Blood, water, nature and nurture may be important discussion points to some folk but to me adoption is all about chemistry. The best relationships in life start with this in abundance and adopting a child is no different.

Sadly, in 2015 adoption seems to be on the decline in Britain. That may change but for now greater emphasis on children remaining in extended family arrangements means that numbers of children needing to be adopted have dropped further. However, for me, adoption is, and always will be a valid and positive option for children.

I always think of the film Sliding Doors when I hear people being cynical about adoption and calling it outdated. What other route might the lives of the hundreds of children Ive worked with over the years have taken had they not been adopted? Would they be better or worse off? I conclude better off. Why? I now work for a The Homefinding & Fostering Agency. We specialise in permanence through foster care, and do this very well, but what I also see (more than I would like to) is young people and foster carers walking away from their relationship, after years together. This usually happens when emotions run high and things become challenging. Whilst some adoptions also break down, I cannot help but think that our young people would have been more secure had they, too, been adopted and not deemed too old or too complex.

The legality of adoption is like the legality of marriage. It binds people together, meaning they usually think twice if they want to separate from that relationship. Therefore, to me, adoption is not a better option but it is certainly more secure and truly creates a lifelong relationship.

Anyway, back to Ros and Harry. I was just in my mid-twenties when I worked with them. I was finding my stride as a social worker, and they certainly put me through my paces, especially Ros. I really liked them both and this made the job a whole lot easier, as in the role I really had to be their strongest advocate and champion. This was before the days of social media and online profiles of children needing adoption. It was hard work to find a child that adopters-in-waiting would not only be interested in but then also selected for. I had no concerns about their suitability but finding the right child for them was another important part of the journey, one that came with many bumps, wrong turns and roads to nowhere.

Ros talks about these experiences in this memoir with almost as much emotion as she and Harry expressed at the time, but of course we all know there is a son at the end of this journey because she tells us in the title. When I heard about Gabriel, though, I instantly knew he could be their child.

Ros account of their journey through infertility and the long road to adoption is honest, insightful, funny and at times painful, but ultimately its a celebration of Gabriel, a very special boy who will one day be a young man and possibly a parent himself. I know Ros thought long and hard about putting his life into words, but I encouraged her to do so as I believed it would be valuable for not only him, but many others embarking on a similar path to hers and Harrys.

This memoir deals with a range of issues that affect adopters as well as the realities of living in modern-day multi-cultural Britain, and it does so honestly, making the book a great read. Its a must read for everyone, but particularly anyone who is thinking about adopting or has adopted, or who is simply, like us social workers, plain old nosey and want to read about the experience.

Its a wonderful journey to have been part of and it was certainly touching to relive it. I hope you enjoy it too and feel the love that Ros and Harry have for Gabriel, their son.

Satwinder Sandhu
December, 2015

I felt sorry for the GP. She was only a locum so it cant have been easy for her telling us, happily ignorant, that we could never conceive naturally. Too stunned to ask questions, we said nothing. We didnt even reach out to hold hands. She gently talked us through the results of our fertility tests and explained that our only hope of getting pregnant was through IVF. But I wasnt really listening: my world had just fallen apart.