Louisa Pateman - Single, Again, and Again, and Again ...: What Do You Do When Life Doesnt Go to Plan?

Single, Again,
and Again, and
Again

What do you do when life
doesnt go to plan?

Louisa Pateman

Copyright 2020 Louisa Pateman.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Balboa Press

A Division of Hay House

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.balboapress.com.au

1 (877) 407-4847

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery Getty Images.

ISBN: 978-1-5043-2138-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5043-2139-6 (e)

Balboa Press rev. date: 05/07/2020

Contents

Thank you, Laura, for encouraging me to tell my story and convincing me this was the book to write.

To ZoeI am eternally grateful for your unwavering support, even when I am painful and unbearable. You have never given up on me.

And Maxine and Judy, you are my rocks, together forever, through thick and thin.

Do you ever feel like youll never find the one ? Are you sick of failed relationships? Do you feel like you are the only single woman left on the planet? And are you seriously fed up with comments from friends and family hinting that you are getting old and need to settle down before its too late?

Well, thats how I felt. At thirty-six, I was constantly being reminded of how my time was running out; I needed to get married and have children. Like it was that simple! Like I had a wand I could wave and magically create a husband! I was single and felt I had no control over my predicament. After all, I was only half of the equation. I wasnt on my own for lack of trying, and regardless of what people assumed, it wasnt entirely my fault!

My close friends and family gave me gentle nudges and kind reminders that my childbearing years were nearing the end and I should get a wriggle on. I didnt need their reminders. My biological clock was ticking loud enough for the whole neighbourhood to hear. I felt panicked and alone.

As young girls, we grow up with society laying out our life plan: get a good job, get married, and have kids. After all, our primary purpose is to procreate. Simple! But what happens if that predetermined path doesnt appear?

Until you have walked in the shoes of a single, childless woman over the age of thirty-five, you cant know the pressure, the sadness, and the disappointment of trying to fulfil your lifes purpose and falling short; wanting desperately to find the right man and grow a family together. Unless you have experienced it, you have no idea of the depths of loneliness or the trauma generated by constant rejection. And then there is the frustrating pity from friends and family as they look upon your plight with dismay.

In my thirties, I found myself avoiding my couple friends, as being with them was too uncomfortable. I felt like a third wheel, and I didnt want to be reminded of what I didnt have. As a single woman, I was treated differently, like a misfit. I was segregated from the respectable twosomes, often left out of social gatherings, and given a separate table at weddings and special events. It was like I had developed a disease. I was an outcast who didnt quite fit social norms.

With the best of intentions and intense determination, I tried to find my soulmate and dutifully fulfil societys expectations of me. But it didnt quite go to plan.

This is my story: a synopsis of my journey, trying to the best of my ability to accomplish my preset life path. It is based on my recollection of events, through my eyes, and from my perspective. It is my view of my world. I have no doubt that some of the people whose paths I have crossed may have different versions of these events, since they possess different filters and carry a different perspective. I have tried to stay authentic and true to the events as they occurred.

To safeguard the identity of others, I have, in some circumstances, omitted certain details, if I felt these were not necessary to orchestrate my story. I have changed peoples names and sometimes locations to protect privacy. And after instruction from my publisher, I have changed my name as well. But the stories are real.

To be clear, I do not profess to be an expert on any topic discussed in this memoir. I am just an ordinary woman who, incidentally and without intending to, built an extraordinary life out of her perceived failures.

When I was eleven, I discovered boys.

Sure, I had played the odd game of catch-and-kiss on the playground, but reluctantly, under extreme duress, accepting only a kiss on the back of my hand. And I did have my first innocent crush on a boy who was good at maths when I was nine. But for the most part, I didnt waste much energy thinking about boys. I was happy riding my bike, climbing trees, and playing with my brother, who was a year older than me.

Until I turned eleven.

I was in primary school when some of the girls started getting boyfriends. Out of nowhere, our conversations were infiltrated with talk about boys and who had a crush on whom. Getting a boyfriend was like winning a prize. Being asked by a boy to go out with him was a real achievement. It was the unofficial schoolyard rating system, the popularity test. We were very youngonly just coming into puberty. After holding hands for a few weeks, couples would break up, and new couples would form. It was a new era.

Over the next few years, as my body changed, so did my thoughts. I spent more and more time thinking about boys, about love, and about what I wanted for my future. Thus began my fantasies about what it would be like to have someone special and be in love.

Groo ming

Unbeknownst to me, my fantasies were the product of years of grooming. As a child, I had read many of the classic fairy-tale books. I watched fairy tales depicted in cartoons, and I listened wholeheartedly to the fantasy love stories read to me by my mother at night.

I loved hearing about Snow White and her adoring dwarves, who was tormented by her wicked stepmother. Miraculously she was rescued by a charming prince whom she married and together they lived happily ever after. I also enjoyed learning about Rapunzel, who was imprisoned by an evil witch inside a tower in the woods and then discovered by a charming prince, whom she later wed and went on to live happily ever after. Then there was Sleeping Beauty, who was cursed by an evil fairy and forced to spend years in a deep sleep waiting for her curse to be broken by her true loves kiss. She was gallantly rescued by her charming prince, and they also went on to get married and live happily ever after.