Chun - How to pick a spouse: a proven, practical guide to finding a lifelong partner

ENDORSEMENTS FOR

HOW TO PICK A SPOUSE

From Experts on Relationships and Marriage

An amazing book on an exceedingly important subject. I highly recommend it to all single adults.

Gary Chapman, Ph.D.

Bestselling Author, The Five Love Languages

The marriages launched via this teaching have an amazing success rate compared to the national average.

Shaunti Feldhahn

Bestselling Author, For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men and For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women

Dan Chun points out that many people spend more time choosing a house than they do choosing a spouse. He brings great Biblical knowledge and personal wisdom and pastoral experience to one of the most important decisions a human being can make.

John Ortberg

Senior Pastor, Menlo Park Presbyterian Church
Author, Who Is This Man?

2014 Dan Chun
Represented by Kyle Duncan, Scriptorium International.

Published by Revell
a division of Baker Publishing Group
P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287
www.revellbooks.com

Revell edition published 2014

ISBN 978-1-4412-2473-6

Previously published by Regal Books

Ebook edition originally created 2014

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meansfor example, electronic, photocopy, recordingwithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the New Revised Standard Version Bible, copyright 1989, by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the U.S.A. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Other versions used are:

THE MESSAGEScripture taken from THE MESSAGE. Copyright by Eugene H. Peterson 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

NIVScripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version. NIV Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patents and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.

NLTScripture quotations marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

RSVFrom the Revised Standard Version of the Bible, copyright 1946, 1952, and 1971 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the U.S.A. Used by permission.

TNIVScriptures taken from the Holy Bible, Todays New International VersionTNIV. Copyright 2001, 2005 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of International Bible Society. All rights requested worldwide.

To my wife, Pam, the love of my life for 33-plus years: the best decision I have ever made was marrying you.

Contents

Acknowledgments

I am very grateful for the community of friends, loved ones and relatives who helped me in writing this book. Many thanks to Shaunti Feldhahn, who cheered me on to do the book and to do it right. Thanks to Jim White, who did the heavy lifting in getting my thoughts edited, and to Josh Urich, who made my ideas more articulate. Im also grateful for Thomas Cheong, my original researcher. For my ohana (Hawaiian for family), who read drafts, helped with research, gave feedback and encouragement, I offer a bouquet of thank-yous (and forgive me if I have forgotten someone):

Andrew, Christine and Elizabeth Brackenbury

Mark and Diane Button

Shirley Cavanagh

Craig and Laura Chan

Valerie Chan

Anne Marie Chun

Noelle Chun

Pam Chun

Vincent Daubenspeck

Paul and Jeannie Edwards

Sharon Fan

Carolyn Grossnickle

Jacqueline Hnschke

Carola Hernandez-Pappas

Dave and Shayna

Kusumoto

Kirk Leavy

Scott Makuakane

Arne and Maria Lim

Ron Mathieu

Stella Matsuda

Lauren McCartha

Karl and Sue Miller

Mike Miller

Bob and Patty Moorhead

Darlene Keakalina OBrien

Vip and Sharon Patel

Ben and Christy Pierce

Elizabeth Pugh

Rosella Shishido

Garrett Sullivan

Susannah Sullivan

Gary Toh

Olivia and Arlin Torbett

Mary Vinson

Kyle Watari

Robin Winterlin

Special thanks to my agent, Kyle Duncan, for believing in me and connecting me with Regal Books. At Regal, I am grateful to Kim Bangs, and a special mahalo (Hawaiian for thank you) to Carol Eide and Julie Carobini for overseeing the editing.

I am forever grateful to First Presbyterian Church of Honolulu for the time to write this and to Menlo Park Presbyterian Church for some of my best ministry years heading up its Singles Ministries Department.

Foreword

As the founder of eHarmony.com, I am asked to read all kinds of books on the subjects of dating and marriage. Our organization has been part of over 600,000 marriages, so people think that if I say its a good book, then others will read it. I put off reading the manuscript for How to Pick a Spouse as long as I could, because I get asked a lot and I get tired of the requests. But this book by Dan Chun was worth my timeIm really taken with it. Dan Chun is an experienced, dedicated, unbelievably wise and down-to-earth writer. He knows how to be practical both in his encouragement and in his advice.

Let me get right to the point: If you are thinking about getting married, and if you are a Christian, you need to read this book. It will hold your interest; it will inform you like you have not been informed before; and you will end up saying its one of the best books youve read on this subject in your entire life.

If you apply the principles in this book, you will be able to master the various stages of choosing a spouse in such a way that the likelihood of divorce will simply have a zero probability. Take your time reading How to Pick a Spouse, answer all the questions that are posed to you, make sure that you get very clearly in mind what Dan Chun is saying to you, and I guarantee that you will find it both exciting and incredibly helpful.

What is the nature of my guarantee? If you read this book and follow its teachings, and your marriage does not succeed, I will give you a free membership to eHarmony.com. This is the best guarantee that you will ever receive because the conditions of this agreement will keep a negative outcome from ever happening to you and the love of your life. And if you go through this book in a group setting, you will get even more out of it. So I encourage this too.

What else should I say to motivate you to keep reading? First, every person I know who isnt married really needs this book. If you have been married before, and it didnt work out, then you clearly need this book! But if this is your first marriage, and you are highly unpracticed at picking a wife or husband, you are in great danger if you dont follow these wise decision-making principles.

Heres another guarantee! If you read this book and find it uninteresting, write to me. Again, I will give you a free membership to eHarmony.combut youve got to tell me why you find it uninteresting. Why do I say this? Because