Carlson - Dont Sweat the Small Stuff for Teens: Simple Ways to Keep Your Cool in Stressful Times

Copyright 2000 by Richard Carlson

Cover design by Amanda Kain

Cover copyright 2017 by Hachette Book Group, Inc.

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First ebook edition: April 2017

Originally published in paperback in September 2000

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ISBNs: 978-0-7868-8597-8 (pbk.); 978-1-4013-0447-8 (ebook)

E3-20170304-JV-PC

I loved being a teen. Then again, sometimes I hated it. I was often enthused but at times apathetic. Occasionally I had vision and a purpose, but other times I was totally confused. Sometimes I was nice, but other times I could be quite selfish, even a real jerk. The first time I fell in love was when I was a teen. That was also the first time I flunked a test. I was a talented athlete but not a great student. At times I was confident, but then again I was embarrassed a lot too. In high school I was so frightened to speak in front of groups that I faintedtwice. I was excited about my future but also a little scared. I was probably a pretty typical teen.

Yet despite the difficulties that I faced, I was always, deep down, a happy person, a natural-born peacemaker. I cared about the feelings of others and was saddened by cruelty. I loved and appreciated my life, my family, and my friends. For the most part, I stayed out of trouble. I remember wanting to do the right thing. My guess is that a lot of this applies to you too.

Before my teen years were over, I knew I wanted to dedicate my life to the study of happiness, and to help others do the same. In college, I became a big brother for the Big Brothers of America program, which was one of the highlights of my young life. That, along with a few other things I was involved in, taught me, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that the best and surest way to become happy and content was by being thoughtful and helpful to others.

Over time, I learned that there were a few other major components to being happy and successful. Much of it is pretty simple. It involves perspective, wisdom, and, most of all, the ability to not be irritated, bothered, and annoyed by the day-to-day things that happen to all of us. In short, the key is to stop sweating the small stuff!

At some point, it became obvious to me (as Im sure it already is for you) that certain big stuff is going to happen to all of usand that there isnt anything we can really do about it, except, perhaps, to pray for strength and to do our best. Every single one of us experiences loss, difficulties, obstacles, and tragedies. The details will differ, but we all have problems.

And thats precisely why its so important to learn to stop sweating the small stuff. Life is hard enough when we have to deal with really significant things. But if we cant deal with even the little stuff very well, then were in for a rocky road. In fact, if we cant learn to stop sweating the small stuff, were pretty much guaranteed to be stressed out, frustrated, and unhappy much of the time, because either we will be dealing with something really big or well be stressing over something fairly small. After all, everything is either one or the otherbig or small.

Most people agree that its pretty tough being a teen. All things considered, however, its clear to me that its tougher now than ever. There are the obvious thingsdrugs, violence, two-income families, dangerous sexual issues, divorce, peer pressure, aggression, and the influence of technology. But there are the less obvious things toonot feeling needed or wanted, mixed messages from parents and society, a ton of negative role models everywhere we look, incredible pressure to perform, self-worth based on accomplishments, and an insecure future, to name just a few.

While learning to stop sweating the small stuff wont make these things go away and wont solve all your problems immediately, it will make dealing with them a little easier. The reason: As you learn to be more accepting of life and as little things dont get to you as much, you will get used to handling things in healthier, easier ways, and with far less struggle. You will become happier, more content and confident, and more at peace with yourself. Consequently, over time, even the big things wont seem quite as bad or as insurmountable.

When we get bent out of shape by little things, when we are irritated at ourselves and others, our (over)reactions not only make us stressed out and miserable, but they actually get in the way of our getting what we want. We lose our bearings, cloud our vision, stumble, and get down on ourselves. We also tend to annoy others who might be in a position to help us or guide us. In short, sweating the small stuff while trying to maneuver through your teens is a huge distraction. Its a little like playing basketball on a slippery ice rink! In other words, your own frustrations and reactions will get in the way of being able to see answers and solutions.

Its understandable why most of us sweat the small stuff. To begin with, we certainly see a lot of others doing it. When were in the car, for example, and an adult driver is cursing at traffic and clenching his fists, the subtle message is, If life isnt exactly the way you want it to be, you should become upset. We get tens of thousands of these Go ahead and sweat the small stuff lessons when were kids and while were growing up. Think back. How many times did someone in that situation say to you, Dont worry about it. Traffic is simply a part of life. We will get to where we need to go, and well probably be on time too? Probably not very often!

Another example: When someone is criticized, or feels someone doesnt like him or her, the typical response is to become defensive or hurt. Again, how many times when you were growing up did you hear someone, after being criticized, respond by saying, Criticism is just a way that certain people express themselves. It says less about me than it does about that persons need to criticize me. Its okay, theres no need to take it personally? In other words, how many people didnt sweat the criticism?

How about when something doesnt go someones wayshe has a minor setback, a traffic ticket, a difference of opinion, or loses her keys? As you know, the typical reaction is to complain, wish that life were different, and feel bad, angry, or ripped off. Have you ever watched adults waiting in line in a grocery store or post office? If so, youll often see loads of frustration, glaring at watches, and under-the-breath comments. Very seldom do you see people exhibiting great patience in day-to-day living.