Carlson - Dont sweat the small stuff for men: simple ways to minimize stress in a competitive world

In a few weeks, Ill celebrate forty years of being a man. Well, actually, a good number of those years I was a boy, but you know what I mean.

For as long as I can remember, Ive been interested in what makes people tick and what makes them fall apart (or stress out, as its often called). Ive always been curious as to the reasons why some people are happy, while others seem so troubled; why some people respond to life, taking the minor hassles in stride, while others react so strongly and adversely to the same types of irritations. Ive long asked the question, Why are some people grateful for the gift of life, while others seem to take it so much for granted? Over the years, Ive developed a few ideas that might explain, to some degree, the answers to these questions.

You might be familiar with some of the Dont Sweat the Small Stuff books that I have written. In each book, my goal has been to share simple, commonsense strategies geared toward a particular type of reader. This one was written and tailored just for youmen. Needless to say, were quite different from our female counterparts!

Those familiar with the so-called self-help category are aware that, usually, its women, not men, who buy and enjoy the majority of the books. However, over the years, Ive been amazed by the thousands of men who have written to me to share a story or just to say thanks. The letters, phone calls, e-mails, and personal conversations Ive had have taught me a great deal about men: where we are coming from, what we want, what bothers and frustrates us, and perhaps most importantly, which types of suggestions seem to help the most. Although the stories Ive received have been very different, one thing has become abundantly clear. Given the opportunity, most men jump at the chance to become less stressed and more happy. Ive found that we are more willing to look at life in new ways than we are often given credit for.

While we are obviously all very different from one another, we nevertheless have a great deal in common. When you get to know men you discover that, beneath the surface, we share many of the same fears, worries, and frustrationsbut also many of the same joys, hopes, and dreams.

As you well know, being a man isnt always easy. There are all sorts of expectations imposed upon ussome realistic, others not so realistic. I want you to know, up front, that I share many of the same struggles that you do. I approach my personal life, not as an expert, but as a fellow student. While I do pretty well most of the time, there are times when I, like you, stress out. I get angry, frustrated, and worried. What I have learned, however, is to minimize the times that this happens. But when it does happen, Ive discovered some pretty effective tricks to get me back on track relatively quickly. I dont for a minute think its possible to have a perfect life, but I do believe that most of us have the capacity to create more joy and inner peace in our lives.

Men have a number of built-in strengths. Unfortunately, along with those strengths, come a few built-in problem areas. For example, as a rule, were highly competitive and driven to succeed. Our competitive natures, while helpful in certain areas, can also lead to a degree of stress and burnout.

Men can be pretty stubborn, as well. And while there are certain advantages to being stubborn in terms of achieving a desired result, stubbornness can interfere with nourishing relationships. It can also, without our even knowing it, prevent us from being quick learners and good listeners (the latter being one of the things that drives women nuts about us!). Being stubborn can also encourage us to be a bit defensive and can keep us from seeing the contributions we make to our own problemsa major ingredient in personal growth.

Another thing about us men is that most of us seem to be in a constant hurry. We are often running just a little late, scrambling to our next appointmentpersonal or professional. And while there is some validity to the efficiency argument, we can, at times, get going so fast and furious that we miss whats right in front of us. We become so preoccupied with whats next, that we forget to enjoy and experience whats now. By learning to become a bit more present and slightly less rushed, we can bring a great deal more peace and joy to our daily lives and to our relationships.

Obviously, there are other aspects of being a man that have the potential to cause us at least some degree of frustration. The good news is that, when you have an open mind and youre willing to practice a bit, you can improve these difficult areas.

I was asked in front of an audience whether I felt that stress was a motivator. The man asking the question, seemingly stressed himself, was concerned about what might happen to a mans motivation, his edge and chances of success, if he were to become too relaxed. I wouldnt worry too much about that! In other words, while anything is possible, I dont think its very likely that most of us have to be concerned about becoming too relaxed. Most of us are pretty stressed, with plenty of tension to spare.

My goal is a bit more realistic. Im going to share with you ways to become slightly more relaxed, ways to take the edge off and to move in the general direction of happier, more peaceful living.

Incidentally, without the ongoing distraction of mental stress and irritation, its easier to live a more effective and successful life. Its my feeling that small, incremental movements toward less stressed living can make a world of difference in the quality of your life. By becoming a little less reactive, we are able to take more things in stride. By becoming a bit less irritable, we are able to maintain a healthy sense of humor. By heightening our perspective, even a little bit, we are able to keep our priorities straight and see the bigger picture. By embracing kindness and compassion, we are able to enhance our relationships and our connection to the world at large. And by being slightly less stressed and frazzled, we can learn to stop sweating the small stuff.

I hope you have as much fun reading this book as I did writing it. Its not brain surgery, but I honestly feel it can be enormously helpful if you give it a chance. There are a number of advantages to becoming happier and less stressed. I hope youll give these strategies a fair shot at making your life even better than it already is. Good luck!