Carlson - Dont Sweat the Small Stuff . . . and Its All Small Stuff: Simple Ways to Keep the Little Things from Taking Over Your Life

Simple ways to keep little things from taking over your life

Hyperion Books

Copyright 1997

ISBN 0-7868-8185-2

I dedicate this book to my daughters, Jazzy and Kenna, who remind meevery day how important it is to remember not to "sweat the smallstuff." I love you both so much. Thank you for being just the way youare.

I would like to acknowledge the following people for assisting me in thecreation of this book: Patti Breitman for her enthusiasm andencouragement surrounding this book and for her dedication and wisdom innot sweating the small stuff. And Leslie Wells for her vision and forher insightful editorial skill. Thank you both very much.

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The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alterhis life by altering his attitude. -WILLIAM JAMES

Whenever we're dealing with bad news, a difficult person, or adisappointment of some kind, most of us get into certain habits, ways ofreacting to life - particularly adversity - that don't serve us verywell. We overreact, blow things out of proportion, hold on too tightly,and focus on the negative aspects of life. When we are immobilized bylittle things - when we are irritated, annoyed, and easily bothered -our (over-) reactions not only make us frustrated but actually get inthe way of getting what we want. We lose sight of the bigger picture,focus on the negative, and annoy other people who might otherwise helpus. In short, we live our lives as if they were one great bigemergency! We often rush around looking busy, trying to solve problems,but in reality, we are often compounding them. Because everything seemslike such a big deal, we end up spending our lives dealing with onedrama after another.

After a while, we begin to believe that everything really is a big deal.We fail to recognize that the way we relate to our problems has a lot todo with how quickly and efficiently we solve them. As I hope you willsoon discover, when you learn the habit of responding to life with moreease, problems that seemed "insurmountable" will begin to seem moremanageable. And even the "biggies," things that are truly stressful,won't throw you off track as much as they once did.Happily, there is another way to relate to life - a softer, moregraceful path that makes life seem easier and the people in it morecompatible. This "other way" of living involves replacing old habits of"reaction" with new habits of perspective. These new habits enable usto have richer, more satisfying lives.

I'd like to share a personal story that touched my heart and reinforcedan important lesson - a story that demonstrates the essential message ofthis book. As you will see, the events of this story planted the seedfor the title of the book you are about to read.

About a year ago a foreign publisher contacted me and requested that Iattempt to get an endorsement from best-selling author Dr. Wayne Dyerfor a foreign edition of my book You Can Feel Good Again. I told themthat while Dr. Dyer had given me an endorsement for an earlier book, Ihad no idea whether or not he would consider doing so again. I toldthem, however, that I would try.

As is often the case in the publishing world, I sent out my request, butdid not hear back. After some time had gone by, I came to theconclusion that Dr. Dyer was either too busy or unwilling to write anendorsement. I honored this decision and let the publisher know that wewouldn't be able to use his name to promote the book. I considered thecase closed.

About six months later, however, I received a copy of the foreignedition and to my surprise, right on the cover was the old endorsementfor the earlier book from Dr. Dyer! Despite my specific instructionsto the contrary, the foreign publisher had used his earlier quote andtransferred it to the new book. I was extremely upset, and worriedabout the implications as well as the possible consequences. I calledmy literary agent, who immediately contacted the publisher and demandedthat the books be taken off the shelves.

In the meantime, I decided to write Dr. Dyer an apology, explaining thesituation and all that was being done to rectify the problem. After afew weeks of wondering about what his response might be, I received aletter in the mail that said the following: "Richard. There are tworules for living in harmony.

#1) Don't sweat the small stuff and #2) It's all small stuff. Let thequote stand. Love, Wayne."

That was it! No lectures, no threats. No hard feelings and noconfrontation. Despite the obvious unethical use of his very famousname, he responded with grace and humility; no feathers ruffled. Hisresponse demonstrated the important concepts of "going with the flow,"and of learning to respond to life gracefully, with ease.For more than a decade I have worked with clients, helping them toapproach life in this more accepting way. Together, we deal with alltypes of issues - stress, relationship problems, work-related issues,addictions, and general frustration.

In this book, I will share with you very specific strategies - thingsyou can start doing today-that will help you respond to life moregracefully. The strategies you are going to read about are the onesthat have proven themselves to be the most successful by clients andreaders of mine over the years. They also represent the way I like toapproach my own life: the path of least resistance. Each strategy is