Amy Marlow-MaCoy LPC - The Gaslighting Recovery Workbook: Healing From Emotional Abuse

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: Sahar Coston-Hardy

ISBN: Print 978-1-64611-269-2 | eBook 978-1-64611-270-8

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This book is dedicated to my amazing, resilient, and courageous clients. You inspire me daily with your bravery and commitment to healing.

CONTENTS

Part I:
The Gaslighting Influence

Part II:
Stages of Recovery

Phase One
(Acknowledgment and Self-Compassion)

Phase Two
(Building Self-Esteem)

Phase Three
(Establishing Boundaries)

Part III:
Healing from Trauma

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I will never forget the day Patti walked into my office for her first therapy session and said, I think I need to cut my father out of my life. He has been emotionally abusive for as long as I can remember, and I dont know what to do. Can you help me?

When Patti started therapy, she was near her breaking point. She suffered from anxiety, perfectionism, and a nagging feeling shed never be good enough. She was intelligent, insightful, and successful in her profession, but she still felt like a fraud. She found trusting her instincts difficult, though they were nearly always correct. As we explored her anxiety and lack of self-confidence, one thing became clear: She had experienced a phenomenon known as gaslighting for much of her life.

My name is Amy Marlow-MaCoy, and I am a licensed professional counselor. I support clients in recognizing, healing from, and building resilience to the effects of emotionally abusive relationships. Many of my clients come from homes where one or both parents demonstrated traits of narcissistic personality disorder or borderline personality disorder. Many have been gaslit into thinking their perceptions are warped and blame themselves for the abusive treatment they have received. In therapy, we work together to find the truth behind the lie of gaslighting.

Gaslighting is an emotional abuse tactic that makes the receiver doubt his or her perception of reality. In Pattis case, her father broke down her confidence by constantly questioning her judgment, downplaying or dismissing her achievements, and criticizing her emotional responses. He did these things, he told her, to help her become a stronger person. As a result, she eventually stopped relying on her own instincts and came to trust her fathers perception more than her own. She came to me because as much as she wanted to be free of her fathers abuse, she could not make that decision for herself.

A powerful tool for controlling others, gaslighting can be used to suppress or inflame whole communities within a larger society. Many leaders and politicians rely heavily on gaslighting to scapegoat certain groups or incite their own followers with skewed rhetoric. Because these personalities can be charming and charismatic, they can wield significant influence. With a strong enough following, a mob-like mentality can developone that can effectively silence anyone who steps outside the invisible lines.

While individuals with certain personality disorders, such as narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, and antisocial personality disorder (also known as sociopathy), are more likely to engage in gaslighting to manipulate others, this tactic is not solely in the domain of narcissists and sociopaths. Individuals without personality disorders may also engage in gaslighting, although not always for the same reasons. Recognizing this as abuse can be hard initially, and calling out difficult behaviors you see in a close relationship even harder. We expect those closest to us to care for our well-being, and an expert gaslighter can make you believe he or she is hurting you for your own good.