Crystal Wright Adams - Perversion of Love: Understanding the Enemys Attack on Your Love Language

Chapter 1

Perversion: The Setup

The number one goal of the enemy is to destroy Gods plan for our lives: Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8). I believe his favorite weapon of destruction is perversion. Google defines perversion as the alteration from its original course, meaning or state to a distortion or corruption of what was first intended . The original course in our lives is Gods ultimate purpose for it. Satan seeks to corrupt that purpose or to stop it from being achieved altogether. Ill use a personal example to illustrate this point.

God gave me the gifts of writing and speaking. From a very young age, I demonstrated an advanced ability to articulate my words whether written or spoken. I now know that it was always Gods plan for my life for me to speak to people about His Word and to write words that would help His people overcome their spiritual struggles. When I was a child, the enemy came to destroy that purpose. As a young girl, music spoke to my soul. I loved music more than anything. To be quite honest, I used music to fill a deficit of love in my life (well discuss that a little later), and so music became that love. One day, I decided to write my own song. I turned on one of my favorite artists tracks and wrote my own lyrics to it, rearranging the melody over the original beat. It was amazing. It felt amazing. I was in my zone, and the words and melody flowed from me so effortlessly; of course they didI was created to write. But instead of using my gifts to glorify God, the enemy played on my need for affirmation and recognition, and I chose to pursue life as a famous singer/songwriter. I wanted everyone to know the words I wrote and to love them as much as I did because that would mean they loved me too. I started an R&B singing group with my best friend and two other girls. We spent the next six years working with a producer, performing in local events, and recording original tracks. Almost all the lyrics were written by me, and I also arranged most of the melodies. I thought I was living my dream, but eventually our group broke up and the reality that I might never be famousthat people would never know my lyricsstarted to set in. By this time, I was in my freshman year of college and had just began dating my now ex-husband. I was still grieving the death of my dream when he came along to reinforce every negative thought I had about my gifts, talents, and capabilities. If I had been a better writer, we would have made it. If I had arranged a better melody, we would have been noticed. I was convinced that not being famousnot being recognizedwas proof that I didnt truly possess these gifts my gifts. I didnt write again until I turned thirty, and it took another five years for me to believe that I could write this book.

Sometimes the enemy attacks us in such a way that we become the very antithesis of what we were created to be. Lets look at Paul for this example. Most of us know the story of Paul in Acts chapter 9. At this time in his life, he was called Saul, and Saul was the number one hater in the New Testament. He persecuted Christians like it was an Olympic event and he was Michael Phelps (no disrespect intended, just drawing the comparison). One day on the road to Damascus, Saul had an encounter with Jesus that left him blind for the next three days. When Saul arrived in Damascus, the Lord called upon His disciple Ananias to heal him. Ananias was apprehensive because of the many evil things Saul had done to Gods people, but the Lord told him, Go without fear: for he is a special vessel for me, to give to Gentiles and Kings and to the Children of Israel the knowledge of My Name (Acts 9:15 BBE). The Word of God tells us that God created us for a purpose which He prepared for us in advance (Ephesians 2:10). This means that before Saul ever set his mind to condemn and kill Christians, God had always planned for him to be a vessel in spreading the Gospel. If this is true, how did Saul go so far off from the path that was set before him? Perversion. Though not much is known about Pauls own childhood, his trade as a tent maker (a common laborer) would suggest that he came from humble beginnings as opposed to a wealthy or aristocratic background. What is apparent from Pauls earlier years is that he was very smart and quite ambitious, and I suspect, like me, his love language may have been words of affirmation. This presented the perfect opportunity for the enemy to infiltrate Pauls life in the form of education by the Pharisees. Pharisees believed nonbiblical traditions were as important as the written Bible, and they persecuted those who did not uphold them. Before his conversion, Paul considered himself an expert in these traditions (Galatians 1:1314) and even referred to himself as the best Jew and Pharisee (Philippians 3:46). The enemy used Pauls need to be affirmedto feel worthyto lead him down the exact opposite path for which he was created.

Though Satan is not omniscient, he was once a high-ranking angel of God and he, more than anyone, knows why we were created. Armed with this knowledge, he studies us to determine how God will use us for this purpose. When he zeroes in on our assignment, he is determined to destroy it; just ask Adam and Eve. The enemy is subtle and crafty. He will approach you in a manner that wont seem out of place: perhaps as a snake in the garden or a devoutly religious education in pharisaical law or even as your parents in your childhood. Satan wants to enter your heart, your mind, your speech, and even your body. And just as God works through people, so does the enemyand the devil doesnt care who he uses. The easiest way for him to infiltrate your life and start to derail your purpose is through your relationship with your parents.

Weve learned that we receive love in five primary ways. Take this time to think about the primary love language you speak:

1. Is it words of affirmation (someone telling you how special or valued you are)?
2. Is it quality time (someone giving you their undivided attention)?
3. Is it gifts (tokens of appreciation)?
4. Is it acts of service (someone sacrificing their time and energy for you)?
5. Or perhaps physical touch (a warm embrace from a loved one)?

Now, think about how your parents showed their love to you when you were a child. Im willing to bet that a large percentage of us had at least one parent who didnt give us love in our love language which, as we now know, means we likely werent receiving their love. Its true that most people give love the way that they learned it, or in the way they want to receive it, and our parents are no exception. This gives the enemy an opening to slither into our childhoods and distort the ways we are given and receive love. It can also create a cycle of generations failing to receive the love they need, making it almost impossible for them to learn to love themselves. Its no wonder we struggle with the idea of truly loving someone else. The danger in this is that we can become trapped in these cycles which potentially detour us from our ultimate purpose. But, as the saying goes, the first step in solving a problem is to recognize and acknowledge that it exists.

I believe acknowledgment is also the first step in breaking a generational cycle. After that, we must identify the root cause of our cycle or problem so that we can determine the strategies needed to overcome it. Thats just what this book aims to do. I want to help us recognize the generational cycles we may be trapped in and understand that the likely root cause is the perversion of our love language starting in our childhoods. Since all of us receive love differently, the enemy will attack us in different ways, but there are some common tactics he uses depending on our love language. If we can recognize these tactics for what they were or are, we can start the process of breaking the cycles in our lives, the lives of our children, and, hopefully, the generations to follow.