Fennell - Boost Your Confidence: Improving Self-Esteem Step-By-Step

Do you have a secret vision of the life you feel you should be living? Perhaps you see yourself in a loving, supportive relationship with someone who brings out the best in you. Or maybe you dream of bounding out of bed in the morning, fired by enthusiasm for a job or vocation youre passionate about. Perhaps you simply picture a slimmer, fitter and healthier version of yourself, with energy to spare.

You might already have a theory about why your dream life remains tantalisingly out of reach. Perhaps you tell yourself its unrealistic, and that circumstances, bad luck or lack of opportunity will always work against you. But maybe you also have a feeling that there is something inside you thats holding you back, a quality that you cant quite put your finger on, but that you know is there. Do you ever wonder whether theres something about the way you are thats influencing the way your life is shaping up? If so, your instincts could be right. There is something deep inside all of us that has a powerful effect on every aspect of our daily life. Its called self-confidence.

Think of a self-confident person you know or have met in the past. What is it that you admire about them? Do they make an instant impact when they walk into a room? Do they have an in-built resilience to lifes ups and downs, and see problems as challenges to learn from? Are they excited by new experiences and adventures? Or perhaps they radiate natural warmth, genuineness and openness?

Its true that self-confidence allows you to push the boundaries and live a big life. But being self-confident is not about being an extrovert, or the life and soul of every party. Its not about thinking youre the most fantastic thing since sliced bread. Its about simply feeling happy in your own skin. Inner self-confidence is like being your own best friend and cheerleading team rolled into one it allows you to treat yourself with kindness and compassion, and instinctively act in your own best interests. It helps you enhance the lives of those around you, by being the best partner, friend and parent that you can be. It allows you to maximise the opportunities that come your way, and fulfil your true potential.

If youve picked up this book, chances are you already have an inkling that lack of self-confidence is affecting your life. Perhaps youve asked yourself the following questions.

Do you wonder why youre still single, long after all your friends have settled down? Do new relationships never live up to their initial potential? Or are you stuck in a destructive relationship or pattern of relationships that you cant seem to get out of? Do you feel crushed by criticism and disapproval, and cant bear the thought of anyone disliking you? Do you sometimes feel that friends and colleagues take advantage, because they know you wont complain? Do you feel uncomfortably self-conscious in a group of people you dont know well? Do your friendships tend to get stuck at a small-talk level? Or perhaps you have an urge to please everyone, and feel that if youre not the life and soul of every party, people wont want to know you?

Meena grew up thinking she was inferior to other people, and had nothing worthwhile to say. Now as an adult, she has a pattern of falling for self-centred men who demand a lot of attention from Meena, but give her little in return.

Are you frustrated, bored, under-appreciated, over-worked or underpaid in your job? Do you have a nagging fear of failure that never leaves you? Do you find it hard to feel satisfied or pleased with what youve achieved, and to recognise your efforts or talents, even though you put in 110 per cent? Or do you have a feeling that youre not quite reaching your full potential, and that you could, and should, be doing more? Are you aware of avoiding challenges and situations that take you out of your comfort zone? Is there something youd love to learn or explore, but somehow, never get round to doing, in case youre no good at it?

Kevin struggled at school due to undiagnosed dyslexia and grew up believing he was stupid. Hes been in the same unchallenging job for years, and refuses his managers suggestion of going for promotion, because hes convinced theyll find out how stupid he really is.

Is your wardrobe full of clothes you cant fit into any more? Would you dress differently if you were slimmer? Do you avoid social events because you feel so fat and unattractive ? Do your best intentions to eat a healthy, balanced diet inevitably fall by the wayside? Do you drink more than you know you should, smoke or take recreational drugs, even though youre well aware that its bad for you? Do you struggle with low energy levels or seem to have one health problem after another? Do you rarely take a day off or ask for help when youre ill? Do you find it hard to treat yourself or take time to relax?

Nicki was an energetic, sporty child but, by eighteen, she was very overweight. Shes now been yo-yo dieting for more than fifteen years. How she feels about herself depends on what the scales say in the morning, and what she has and hasnt eaten throughout the day.

You dont have to be an extra special person to have healthy self-confidence lots of normal, average people have it. Healthy self-confidence doesnt mean thinking youre great at everything. Its about accepting yourself for who you are, faults and weaknesses included, and living a life thats in line with your values and whats important to you. If you have healthy self-confidence, youll

• Want to be accepted and liked by the people you care about, but wont expect every single person you meet to like you.
• Feel open about expressing your needs and emotions in relationships, and be able to both ask for and give help when needed.
• Know that negative emotions like hurt and anxiety are unavoidable in life, but have the tools to cope with them and learn from them.
• Set realistic, flexible goals for yourself and enjoy the journey of discovery as much as the achievement itself.
• Take care of yourself and make time for rest, relaxation and enjoyment without feeling guilty.

Yes, and we have proof, thanks to advances in neuroscience. Brain-imaging techniques have shown that changing the way you think and act can not only change the way you feel about yourself, but actually changes the structure of the brain. Scientists call this phenomenon neural plasticity. So although changing your behaviour and thinking habits can feel artificial and like hard work at first, take heart it will feel more natural as time goes by.

By reading this book, youre opening the door to the possibility of a different future.

• Start to understand what knocked your natural self-confidence in the first place, however long ago that was.
• Discover how low self-confidence can create its own vicious circle, making you think and act in a way that stops your natural self-confidence from ever fully recovering and developing.
• Learn that being compassionate to yourself has a big role to play in building self-confidence, and how it can help you develop a new objective viewpoint of who you are one thats more realistic, and helpful.
• Embrace your talents and strong points, and put your flaws and weaknesses into perspective.