Juli Slattery - No More Headaches: Enjoying Sex & Intimacy In Marriage

Dr. Juli Slattery gets, understands, and empathizes with men and their sexuality better than any female author Ive ever read. Her resulting advice for wives is practical, helpful, and biblically sound. Wives who read this book will be blessed by its wisdom, and husbands whose wives read this book will be blessed by its application.

Gary Thomas, author of Sacred Marriage and Sacred Influence

Great book! I couldnt put it down. No More Headaches is practical, candid, hopeful, and seasoned with a splash of humor and compassion. There are not enough words to describe how really helpful this book is for women longing to reclaim the gift of sexuality as God intended. Every woman needs a copy of Dr. Slatterys book on her bedside nightstandshe and her husband will be glad its there!

Pam Farrel, best-selling author of Red-Hot Monogamy
and Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti

I am certain that God intended sex to be a natural, sublime, and troublefree experience. It is far from that in todays complex world. The distorting influences of pornography are rampant, and sexual anhedonia is prevalent in men. What a thrill it was, therefore, for me to see that Dr. Slatterys new book, No More Headaches, addresses head-on our modern confusion and frustration surrounding sex. With warmth and compassion, and deep professional and personal insight into how both women and men struggle to develop a healthy sexuality, she offers sound practical and biblical advice on how women can strengthen the sexual bond every couple should have. Though written primarily to women, it isnt just a book for them alone. I believe men can gain a lot of insight into the sexual makeup of both sexes by reading this book, so I strongly recommend it to them as well.

Archibald D. Hart, Ph.D., FPPR.
Senior Professor of Psychology and Dean Emeritus
Graduate School of Psychology, Fuller Theological Seminary

Juli Slattery answers the questions women are afraid to ask. I couldnt put the book down; I kept reading with disbelief at the next difficult topic she was about to tackle. Pick it up and be amazed when you start reading sentences out loud to your husband. I did!

Dannah Gresh, author of And the Bride Wore White

As a researcher, I have a dilemma. I can investigate and explain the starting points that women need to know about their husbands (for example, how sexual affirmation transforms a man and his marriage), but then others must help each woman go further. Yet it is hard to find good and trustworthy resources. Juli Slatterys excellent book No More Headaches hits the mark in a big way regarding a sensitive subject that affects every single marriage. I highly recommend it to anyone who needs real-world yet compassionate answers about how to handle the confusion, hurt, disappointments, and just old-fashioned differences between husbands and wives.

Shaunti Feldhahn, author of For Women Only

No More Headaches
Copyright 2009 by Julianna Slattery

A Focus on the Family book published by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188

Focus on the Family and the accompanying logo and design are federally registered trademarks of Focus on the Family, Colorado Springs, CO 80995.

TYNDALE and Tyndales quill logo are registered trademarks of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc. TM Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide (www.zondervan.com). Scripture quotations marked (MSG) are taken from THE MESSAGE [paraphrase]. Copyright by Eugene H. Peterson 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

The case examples presented in this book are fictional composites based on the authors clinical experience with hundreds of clients through the years. Any resemblance between these fictional characters and actual persons is coincidental.

The use of material from or references to various Web sites does not imply endorsement of those sites in their entirety.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwisewithout prior written permission of Focus on the Family.

Editor: Kathy Davis
Cover design by Dean H. Renninger
Cover photograph copyright by Corbis Photography/Veer. All rights reserved.

Author photograph by Efrain Garcia. Copyright Focus on the Family.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Slattery, Julianna, 1969

No more headaches : enjoying sex and intimacy in marriage / Julianna Slattery.

p. cm.

A Focus on the Family book.

ISBN 978-1-58997-538-5

1. SexReligious aspectsChristianity. 2. MarriageReligious aspectsChristianity. I. Title.

BT708.S54 2009

248.8'44dc22

2009007832

Printed in the United States of America
4 5 6 7 8 9 / 15 14 13 12 11 10

Contents

I was sitting in my parents living room when my boyfriend, Mike, said he had a surprise for me. He pulled from behind his back a little box. You know what I mean when I say that the box was just the right size. Mike and I had been dating for more than three years, and the M word had begun springing up quite regularly in conversation. I opened the box with great anticipation, only to find a key chain.

Reading my expression, Mike realized that he had made a huge blunder. He meant the key chain as a little gesture, never thinking that I would assume it was a ring. (Yeah, 25-year-old guys can be a little clueless.) I was embarrassed by my assumption, and Mike felt awful about the mistake. We both began tripping over our words, trying to get past the awkwardness of the moment.

Have you ever had an experience like mineexpecting a gift that didnt quite turn out to be what you thought it would? Trying to show some gratitude through your disappointment, eking out a thank you for the electric drill you thought was a KitchenAid or the fluffy socks you hoped would be a necklace?

When Mike finally did pop the question (with a real ring!) a few months later, we began to look toward marriage. As part of our preparation, we skimmed through books about sexual intimacy, including Intended for Pleasure by Dr. Ed Wheat and The Gift of Sex by Cliff and Joyce Penner. The titles of those two books by themselves appropriately summarized what I had hoped and dreamed our sex life would be likea gift given by God for the purpose of pleasure. Fourteen years later, I feel like Im still trying to figure out the gift!

The gift of sex can sometimes seem like the key chain in the ring boxwe got our hopes up for nothing. When married women share honestly about their frustrations and dashed hopes, sex often tops the list. Instead of creating the oneness referred to in the Bible, sex seems to provoke conflict and division. Couples steam and fight over issues ranging from the frequency of sex to pornography. More than one bride has wondered if she could exchange this gift for something at the local department store!

Sex, the Gift That Keeps on Taking

Over the past several years, I have been speaking to womens groups on the issue of sexual intimacy in marriage. The first time I spoke on the topic, my face was beet red, I had hives on my neck, and sweat trickled down my arms. To make matters worse, the audience was absolutely silent. I was going out on a huge limb, feeling like I was making a complete fool of myself. Surely these silent women were judging me. From the looks on their faces, no one could relate to the headaches I was sharing.