In our sex-obsessed culture, it is amazing how few husbands and wives actually talk to each other about their sexual feelings, frustrations, and fears. A simple way in which couples can grow in their sexual relationship is to read a great book together. Couples will increase their understanding, deepen their intimacy, and enhance the pleasure and satisfaction that God intends for husbands and wives to enjoy.
DR. RICK AND KAY WARREN
Founders of Saddleback Church
Sex is an important element in a healthy marriage. Cliff and Joyce Penner give husbands the road map to success. Men who apply its lessons will experience a new level of marital intimacy.
GARY D. CHAPMAN, PH.D.
Author of The Five Love Languages
Dr. Cliff and Joyce Penner have helped countless married couples discover the joys and benefits of healthy physical intimacy. If you want to improve your sexual relationship with your wife, this practical book is an excellent place to start.
JIM DALY
President of Focus on the Family
The Married Guys Guide to Great Sex
Copyright 2007, 2017 by Clifford L. Penner and Joyce J. Penner. All rights reserved.
A Focus on the Family book published by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188
Focus on the Family and the accompanying logo and design are federally registered trademarks of Focus on the Family, 8605 Explorer Drive, Colorado Springs, CO 80920.
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No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwisewithout prior written permission of Focus on the Family.
Portions of this book were originally published as Men and Sex 1997 and The Married Guys Guide to Great Sex 2004 by Dr. Clifford Penner and Joyce Penner.
Scripture quotations, unless otherwise marked, are taken from the New American Standard Bible. Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org). Scripture quotations marked (NKJV) are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked (MSG) are taken from The Message (paraphrase). Copyright by Eugene H. Peterson 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.
Peoples names and certain details of their stories have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals involved.
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ISBN 978-1-58997-938-3
Build: 2017-08-23 16:39:07
To the men in our lives
Our clients, who have trusted us with the inner workings of their sexuality
And their wives, who have informed us of the importance of the husbands role in their sex lives
Our dear friend Dr. Neil Warren, whose enthusiasm encouraged and skill helped formulate the essence of this book
Our sons , Greg Penner, John Stellato, and Steven Klein, whose openness and candor have kept us in touch with todays men
Our friends
Peb Jackson for his active demonstration of his vision and ministry with men of all ages
Jack Mount for his model of the servant leader to his family, friends, and community
Paul Schultheis for his support in calling us to the meaning of intimacy with God
Roland Hinz for his sincerity in his own life and with us in seeking the truth
Bud Bare for his love and levity, which have lightened tense moments
Our brothers , Dave, Gene, and Doug Buhler, for giving of themselves to Joyce in teaching her loving relationships with men
Eldin Dirks and Jim Martens for bringing maleness into Cliff s female-dominated family
Preface
I S MUTUAL SEXUAL satisfaction really possible for every couple? Yesand you as a man can make the difference!
Invest in discovering greater love, passion, and intimacy in your marriage, and your sex life will soar. Your gains will far exceed your efforts.
God designed sex to be a vital, passionate expression of marriage. During the early centuries of the churchs growth, sex was a passion to be suppressed. When the sexual revolution of the 1960s and 1970s attempted to liberate people, it ended up degrading Gods design.
Today, movements to build the family and to empower men to be men of God are being led by organizations such as Focus on the Family, Family Life, and the Institute for Sexual Wholeness. We hope youll read The Married Guys Guide to Great Sexand discover greater love, passion, and intimacy with your wife.
Thank you and blessings,
Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner
Introduction
C OMING FROM G ERMAN Mennonite homes and communities in the Midwest and Canada, we were sexually uninformed and naive. The only instruction either of us received from our families came to Joyce two weeks before the wedding. It was basically three warnings:
- The honeymoon would be awful.
- She would be very tired.
- She shouldnt let him use her. (She didnt! She used him.)
Fortunately, Joyce had just taken a preparation for marriage class at her Baptist nursing school. The topic of sexual adjustment was a significant part of that class. So Joyce was the one who shared with Cliff what shed learned about sex in marriage from a Christian perspective.
The Making of a Manly Man
The false assumption that men are supposed to be the sexual experts has been passed from generation to generation.
Maybe it started for you around age five, when you peeked into your sisters bedroom. You heard, Youre not supposed to do that. But you also heard, Boys will be boys, perhaps said with a tinge of pride.
In second grade you tried out sexual slang youd heard from older guys. The adults frowned, but someone said, Hes practicing being a man. In fifth grade, when the girls were sent to another room to learn about menstruation, you were curious. What were they learning about that you didnt know? The subtle training of your expected manly expertise continued. Your cousin, two years older, showed you what he found on the Internet. It was the first time youd seen naked women, and it triggered an avalanche of fear and excitement and confusion. Those pictures made your gut churn as it had never churned before; you couldnt seem to breathe even though you were breathing fast, and the lump in your throat almost made you choke. You didnt want to look, yet you couldnt get enough.
In middle school, real sex education started. You watched the movie. The teacher talked about reproductionhow eggs unite with sperm and how babies are born. Gross! You could hardly listen. If you were in a class with boys only, you wondered what the girls were talking about. If you were in a mixed group, you couldnt keep from giggling when the teacher used a word like