Recorded Books Inc. - Real questions, real answers about sex: the complete guide to intimacy as god intended

To Red and Minnie, Robert and Louise.

You taught us love and commitment. We miss you.

ZONDERVAN

Real Questions, Real Answers about Sex
Copyright 2005 by Christianity Today International

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of Zondervan.

ePub Edition January 2009 ISBN: 978-0-310-54147-9

Requests for information should be addressed to:

Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

McBurney, Louis.

Real questions, real answers about sex: the complete guide to intimacy as God intended / Louis and Melissa McBurney.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN-13: 978-0-310-25658-8

1. Sex instruction. 2. Sex in marriage. 3. SexReligious aspectsChristianity.4. Sex in marriageReligious aspectsChristianity. I. McBurney, Melissa. II. Title.

HQ31.M134 2005

306.7'08827dc22

2004018196

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible: New InternationalVersion. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any otherexcept for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

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CARTOONS

In 1995, we began writing Real Sex columns for Marriage Partnership, a publication of Christianity Today International, to respond to readers questions about sex issues. We thank the editors who guided us through that eye-opening experience: Annette LaPlaca, Elizabeth Newen-huyse, Caryn Rivadeneira, Ginger Kolbaba, Kevin Miller, and Ron Lee.

In 2002, we met with Phyllis Ten Elshof, editor of CTI Resources. She proposed a book that would build on the work we had done in Real Sex columns. Real Questions, Real Answers about Sex is the result of that endeavor. We thank Phyllis for her encouragement, creativity, and hard work.

Thanks also to our editors at Zondervan who saw the potential in this book and pushed it to completion: Cindy Lambert, Lori Vanden Bosch, and Dirk Buursma.

Were also grateful for the teaching and training we received at Bay-lor Medical College, at the psychiatric section of Mayo Clinic, from numerous workshop leaders at professional conferences, as well as for the advice from our friends Joe McIlhaney and Alan Nelson. We also thank thousands of clients who came to Marble Retreat, where weve worked as therapists for the past thirty years. They have contributed to the illustrations weve used in this book. However, each story represents the real-life experiences of hundreds of retreat guests so that individual identities are protected.

Finally, we thank the board of directors, staff, and donors of Marble Retreat who have worked with us in this rewarding ministry.

A LETTER FROM THE EDITOR OF
Marriage Partnership

Dear Reader,

I remember when I first met Dr. Louis McBurney. I was impressed by how easy it was to talk to this Mayo Clinictrained psychiatrist. His laid-back nature put me right at ease. He was wise, godly, and trustworthy. What a great combination for someone writing about sex, I thought.

But what really struck me was when Dr. McBurney said, My wife, Melissa, and I love to read those questions you and your staff create for us to answer. That took me by surprisesince the McBurneys have been our Real Sex columnists for almost ten years. I naturally assumed they knew the truth.

You think we make up those questions? I asked him.

Dont you?

You give us way too much credit, I said. No, those are real questions from real people!

The lines around Louiss eyes shifted ever so slightly. He was putting me on!

Marriage Partnership magazine receives hundreds of letters each week from married Christian men and women who desperately want to know the truth about sex but have no place to go for answers. Lets face it, being Christian doesnt mean we automatically know everything about sex once we say, I do. Were not going to hear answers to our questions about sex from the pulpit (when was the last time you heard a sermon on premature ejaculation or a low libido?). Many times we cant comfortably approach a family member with our questions either (Mom, when you were too tired for sex with Dad, what did you do?) or even a friend (Sarah, you say all your husband ever thinks about is sexbut my husband is exactly the opposite! Do you have any advice?).