Xaviera Hollander - The Happy Hookers Guide to Sex: 69 Orgasmic Ways to Pleasure a Woman

For more than thirty years, I have been advising men that when it comes to women, more than 90% of sex is between the ears. Recently, I had an opportunity to interview modern day dating and mating anthropologist Robert Sherwood. He lamented that the problem with men is that they dont look past the one clitthey dont see that women have three clits. Mr. Sherwood expounded on his theory of the Trinity of the Clitorii. All three are erogenous zones, he said. And they are all intricately connected. If you feed only one of the three, or even two of the three, she will starve. You must tend to all of her clits, as if they are one. I was delighted with his metaphor because it put an exclamation point on my theoryyou cant just tease the body, you have to tease her mind and heart as well.

Women have much more complex needs than men and a man needs to understand that complexity to be a great lover. You can take all the sex tips in the world, but unless you can read her needs properly, and unless you can apply the actions to her moods properly, you are going to miss the mark and mind-blowing sex will elude you. One woman wants it hard and rough and another wants it soft and cuddly. The same woman will want both at different times. She may need to be taken one night and another time she wants a very easy friend to cuddle with. You have to learn all you can learn about her and then apply it to cradling her heart clit and tickling her brain clit. And, of course, if you dont feed her vivid imagination and need for fantasy, she will likely find someone who can.

Generally, men are simpler beings. As a group, you have your complexities and issues, but when it comes to matters of the heart, the simpler the better for most men. Heres your tip: Dump that mode of thinking and learn to be more complex yourself. Learn to present both the good boyfriend and the bad. Women are seeking the perfect combination of gentleman and arse, said Mr. Sherwood, and hes right. Get in touch with the warrior and the wimp in you. Seek out the good guy and bad guy in you. And learn how to present each at just the right moments.

Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation. The other eight are unimportant.

George Burns

To get her heart clit stimulated, you just have to be a decent person. Have high integrity. Do what you say you are going to do. Say what you mean. Make her feel safe. A womans heart craves safety.

To stimulate her brain clit, abandon the good boy and bring out the bad boy. Women are genetically programmed to seek out the alpha male (the bad boy) and he is the one who stands out from the pack. Its the same reason why a beautiful woman can have four men fawning all over her and the one she is rubbernecking is the one who just insulted her as he passed by. Well, sort of insulted her. What he was really doing was tickling her brain clit when he leaned down close and said, Youd be mighty pretty if you didnt wear so much make-up. He made himself stand out from the pack, he stimulated her brain clit by challenging her, and he did it discreetly, privately, which was another signalthis one to her heart clit, a signal that said this man would be safe to engage with. Thats why I said it is complicated. The heart wants safetythe brain wants thrill.

To be a great lover, to provide mind-blowing sex time and time again, you must first understand and come to grips with the Holy Trinity of the Clitorii. You must understand the varying needs of the various clits. You must learn to engage the brain clit, soothe the heart clit, and if you do that, the body clit will follow you in any flavor of sex, any game, any position, any time, any place, and anywhere.

GET HER TALKING AND SHARING

Once I was interviewed on a TV show with Tom Snyder, who asked me what I liked to do best with a new lover. I replied, Its a four-letter word that ends in K, and it means intercourse, and I like to do it all night and a lot of the rest of the time. Tom said Oh, Ive got my hand ready on the bleeper button, grinning at me. Its the big one, isnt it? he asked. Its big with me, I replied. The word is talk.

Women can be ruined by lovers, but mere acts of libertinism are quickly forgotten.

Madame Saint-Ange, who claimed to have slept with over 12,000 men during twelve years of marriage

Intercourse also means communication, and if she cant talk to you or you cant talk to her, your experiences of mind-blowing sex are going to be quite limited. The better you communicate verbally with your lover, the better the sex is going to be. Quality conversation is a huge part of sex and, for most women, the key to stimulating the brain clit. It is also the fastest way for you to learn what you need to learn about her so you can do what you need to do to make it safe for her heart clit. Never forget the heart clit: if you dont make it safe for her, she wont go to the limits for you. Her heart clit must be safe in order for her brain clit to go for the gold. And if you take care of those dominant clits (the heart and brain), the body clit will absolutely follow.

Getting women to talk is not usually a problem, but most women would rather die than verbalize the secrets of their anatomy and they are much worse about sharing the secretsof the dominantclits. Gentlemen, proceed with caution; go slowly, and expect to have to build some trust first.

Basically, I think I was furious with my mother for not teaching me how to be a woman, for not teaching me how to make peace between the raging hunger in my cunt and the hunger in my head.

Erica Jong, Fear of Flying

And its quite fair to use every trick in the book, including asking her if shell tell you one simple fantasy, and if necessary, asking her while her clit is writhing under the pleasure of your tongue. Make sure she understands that the only reason you want to know is because your number one interest is in pleasing her. Withhold cock from her at an untimely moment and make her promise to tell you one little thing, and assure her that you wont ask again for a month. Tend to her heart clit at the same time. Make her feel safe to tell you anything. Thats the only way shell share her secrets. It is highly worth the trouble. Because once you can talk about your fantasies, once you have a trusted and beloved play partner, the sky is the limit and sexual freedom is at hand.