Jeffrey Hall - The Five Flirting Styles: Use the Science of Flirting to Attract the Love You Really Want

The Five Flirting Styles

ISBN: 978-1-4603-1816-4

2013 by Jeffrey A. Hall

All rights reserved. The reproduction, transmission or utilization of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including xerography, photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, is forbidden without the written permission of the publisher. For permission please contact Harlequin Enterprises Limited, 225 Duncan Mill Road, Don Mills, Ontario, Canada, M3B 3K9.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Hall, Jeffrey A.

The five flirting styles : use the science of flirting to attract the love you really want / Jeffrey A. Hall, Ph.D.

pages cm

Includes bibliographical references and index.

1. Flirting. 2. Interpersonal relations. 3. Man-woman relationships. I. Title.

HQ801.H3137 2013

306.73dc23

2013002881

and TM are trademarks owned and used by the trademark owner and/or its licensee. Trademarks indicated with are registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office, the Canadian Trade Marks Office and/or other countries.

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After a tough week of work, Kelsey was getting ready for a night on the town. Enjoying a preparty drink with her friends and blasting her favorite music, Kelsey took her time getting readyshe wanted to look good tonight. The kind of girl who brings the party wherever she goes, Kelsey seemed to know how to make friends with everyone. Bouncers, bartenders and waiters always wanted to give Kelseyand her friendsa little something extra: a free drink, a good table, an extra appetizer. That night she was going to her favorite bar. She walked in and strutted up to the bar to get drinks for her friends. Although the bar was packed, Kelsey had no trouble getting the bartenders attention. As she flashed him a bright smile, the bartender came over to take her drink order. She leaned in to talk in his ear, and soon they were hitting it off like old friends. This was going to be a good night.

The same night, Spencer was getting ready to go out with his friends. For the first time in months, they had convinced him to try to meet someoneor so they thought. Spencer hated bars, clubs, basically the whole singles scene. Despite what everyone said, he never found it a good way to meet women. He always ended up in a corner with an annoyed look on his face, watching other guys aggressively (and successfully) hit on girls. All his female friends told him how much they hate pushy guys, but once they were actually at the bar, the ladies seemed to love it. Despite what his friends thought, they hadnt convinced Spencer to finally get out and meet someone new. There was only one reason that he was going outto see Kelsey.

He had met Kelsey at work. They were assigned to a new project that required long hours together. Gradually, over the weeks of working together, he thought there might be something between them. When he first met Kelsey, she was in a relationship (or somethingshe said it was complicated) with Justin. But, the last time Spencer saw her, she had confided in him that the relationship was over. Justin wasnt interested in anything serious. Every so often, Spencer got the impression that Kelsey might be interested in him. She was always going out of her way to talk to him and confide in him. When Spencer learned that Kelsey was going out with her friends, he let his friends know that he was finally up for a night out.

Meanwhile, Kelsey was having a great night. The bartender comped her first drink, and she was already feeling better about breaking up with Justin. After finishing her first round with her friends, she walked back up to the bar for round two. Almost immediately, a cute guy came over to her and bought her another drink. Kelsey loved it when guys hit on her. She knew it rarely went anywhere, but she didnt care. It was fun. Unfortunately, this new guy at the barwhat was his name again?was boring, so it was time to find a way out. Thankfully, her escape walked through the door.

She knew Spencer from work, and she thought he was a really nice guy. He was always so friendly with her, and he was really a darling when she told him about that jerk Justin. While he was always sweet, she was pretty sure he wasnt into her. If he was, he certainly never let on or hit on herat least not in a way she was used to. As Spencer walked in the door, she looked over the other guys shoulder to smile at Spencer. Then, she beckoned Spencer over with her eyes the way she usually did with guys. But he didnt come up to the bar; he went straight to an empty booth with his friends. Kelsey thought, Whats his problem?

I dont get it. Why is Kelsey talking to that guy? Spencer thought. I swear she smiled at me when I walked in, but now shes hitting on someone else. Im not going to compete with that . He settled down at a booth with his friends and joined the conversation, trying not to let his disappointment show.

My drinks gone, and this guy is a tool. Im going to go see what Spencer is doing , Kelsey thought. She found him in a booth with his friends. She came up behind him and playfully asked, Hey, Spence! Planning to ignore me again? Spencer turned, looking startled and a little embarrassed. But he moved over right away to make room for her beside him and he introduced her to his friends. Recognizing Spencers interest, his friends walked to the bar to get another round of beers, leaving Spencer and Kelsey alone.

Spencer knew this was his chance. So he started talking to Kelsey. He asked her about Justin and if she was OK. He asked her about work and what she had been up to. He was exceedingly polite, but frustrated, too. Kelsey seemed to be a little bored and kept looking around the bar as if this werent the place for having that sort of conversation. She looked amazing, but he thought better of saying sohe didnt want to come off as just another jerk. As the conversation wore down, she said, I need to check in with my friends over there, nodding to the other section of the bar. Kelsey got up and said, It was good to see you, Spence. Spencer was seriously disappointed, but he let her go and watched sadly as she walked away.

The story of Kelsey and Spencer happens over and over again, time after time, from California to Kansas, from Miami to Montreal. Girl wants to meet good guy, good guy wants to be with girl, but they just cant seem to connect. Kelseys friends will later give her a hard time about always ending up with jerks like Justin, but can offer little advice about how to meet someone better. Spencers friends will pick on him about how weak his game is and what a downer he is about going out, but they really cant offer any better advice.

Dating guides and pickup books wont help much, either. If you read these books, theyll tell you that Kelsey is a good flirt and Spencer is a bad flirt. But is Kelsey really a good flirt? Sure, Kelsey knows how to use her body language and bubbly personality to meet guys, but she always winds up with the wrong one. For Spencer, the dating guides will tell him, Step up your game! Theyll tell him to get out there and compete with other men, to get her alone and come on strong because girls love a guy with confidence. As if it were as simple as that. Dating guides often tell women how to flirt with body language, as if batting your eyes or walking seductively is useful advice for everyone (or anyone).