Bodansky - To bed or not to bed : what men want, what women want, how great sex happens

Bodansky, Vera

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What MEN want

what WOMEN want,

. how GREAT SEX happens

- '

Vera Bodansky, Ph.D., and Steve Bodansky, Ph.D.

authors of Extended Massive Orgasm and

The Illustrated Guide to Extended Massive Orgasm

When I am cold You share your heat. When I am down You bring me up.

I look to you when afraid, You encourage me.

I look to you for fun And you enjoy me. When things are dark You enlighten the world. When things are dull You entertain.

When I am out You let me enter.

I love your love!

I love you.

Extended Massive Orgasm by Steve Bodansky, Ph.D., and Vera Bodansky, Ph.D. Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot by Deborah Sundahl The Hot Guide to Safer Sex by Yvonne Fulbright, M.S. Ed.

The Illustrated Guide to Extended Massive Orgasm by Steve Bodansky, Ph.D., and Vera Bodansky, Ph.D.

Making Lover Better Than Ever by Barbara Keesling, Ph.D.

Rx Sex by Barbara Keesling, Ph.D.

Sensual Sex by Beverly Engel, MFCC

Sex Tips & Tales from Women Who Dare edited by Jo-Anne Baker Sexual Healing by Barbara Keesling, Ph.D.

Sexual Pleasure by Barbara Keesling, Ph.D.

Simultaneous Orgasm by Michael Riskin, Ph.D., and Anita Banker-Riskin, M.A. Tantric Sex for Women by Christa Schulte Womens Sexual Passages by Elisabeth Davis

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What Men Want, What Women Want, How Great Sex Happens

Vera Bodansky, Ph.D.r &

Steve Bodansky, Ph.D.

Copyright 2006 by Steve and Vera Bodansky

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system without the written permission of the copyright owner and the publisher of this book. Brief quotations may be used in reviews prepared for inclusion in a magazine, newspaper, or for broadcast. For further information please contact:

Hunter House Inc., Publishers

PO Box 2914

Alameda CA 94501-0914

Bodansky, Vera.

To bed or not to bed : what men want, what women want, how great sex happens / Vera Bodansky and Steve Bodansky. 1st ed.

p. cm. (Positively sexual)

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN-13: 978-0-89793-461-9 (pbk.)

ISBN-10: 0-89793-461-X (pbk.)

1. Sex. 2. Sex instruction. I. Bodansky, Steve. II. Title. III. Series. HQ31.B59335 2006

613.96 dc22 2005027990

Cover Design:

Brian Dittmar Graphic Design Book Production:

Stefanie Gold and Hunter House Developmental and Copy Editor: Kelley Blewster

Proofreader: John David Marion Indexer: Nancy D. Peterson

Publisher:

Acquisitions Editor: Jeanne Brondino Editor: Alexandra Mummery Publicist: Jillian Steinberger Customer Service Manager:

Christina Sverdrup Order Fulfillment: Washul Lakdhon Administrator: Theresa Nelson Computer Support: Peter Eichelberger Kiran S. Rana

Printed and Bound by Bang Printing, Brainerd, Minnesota Manufactured in the United States of America

987654321

First Edition

06 07 08 09 10

Acknowledgments ix

Introduction t

Chapter i

FINDING AND CHOOSING THE RIGHT BED AND PARTNER 8

Hunting and Fishing 10

White-Knight Syndrome 12

The Eye of the Beholder 15

Some Rules of the Game 17

Turn-On: A Womans Natural Talent 18

The Importance of Enthusiasm 20

Take Your Swings 22

Confidence and Risk-Taking 24

Choosing the Right Partner 28

Chapter 2

PILLOW TALK PLUS: TIPS ON COMMUNICATION 34

Noticing and Paying Attention 36

What to Say 37

Listening to (and Interpreting) Womanese 39

Admit when It Hurts 41

What Not to Say 42

Lack of Communication 44

Appetite and Production 46

Seduction 48

Chapter 3 .. /

WHO MAKES THE BED? ROLES AND RESPONSIBILITIES

IN A RELATIONSHIP 56

Nonreciprocity, or Dont Keep Score 57

Happiness 59

Recognizing Lifes Perfection 60

Being Out of Agreement with Life Equals Insanity 61

Women Are More Comfortable with Grief 61

First, Love Thyself 64

Taking Each Others Side 65

Dealing with Conflicts and Differences of Opinion 66

Who Does Make the Bed? 72

Managing the Emotional Climate of the Relationship 74

Money Matters 76

A Menu of Choices 78

Getting Married 80

Babies and Children 82

When Your Partner Is Sick 82

Flirtations and Affairs 83

Sexual Satisfaction 86

The Importance of the Clitoris 88

Chapter 4

GETTING READY FOR BED: OVERCOMING RESISTANCE