Ellen Nicolas Rathbone - Loving Sex: Every Womans Guide to Sensual Sexuality

Loving Sex

every womans guide to sensual sexuality

Ellen Nicolas Rathbone

DOWN THERE PRESS

2010 by Ellen Nicolas Rathbone

All rights reserved. Except for brief passages quoted in newspaper, magazine, radio, television or Internet reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying or recording or by information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Publisher.

Cover design by Scott Myles.

Published in the United States by Down There Press.

Distributed by SCB Distributors, Gardena, CA.

This book is dedicated to the best man I know,

Norman Bruce Rathbone

Preface

I decided to write this book in response to the many questions have been asked of me at my Pleasure Parties, where most of the guests are married women looking to keep marital sex interesting and fun or, if they had allowed boredom to set in, looking for the tools to fix it. The sexual understanding I thought was common knowledge is not common to most women.

My sexual journey began long before I surrendered my virginity on the island of Mytilene, in Greece, and embraced European attitudes rather than American puritanical restraints about the body and its potential for pleasure.

As a child, I enjoyed my sensual nature, and no one ever told me that it was wrong. For instance, it was always a treat to immerse myself in a warm, embracing bath. The feel of the water all around me was relaxing and soothing, just what my instincts were telling me I needed then and still need today. Im also sure I must have masturbated as a child; all children do. Yet I do not remember ever being scolded, reprimanded, or stopped. The comfort I felt in and about my body translated into my teenage years, where the real blossoming was about to happen.

In 1971, I had won the right to represent my school in Outward Bound, a survival school where I would spend two weeks learning survival in the wild. Unfortunately (or fortunately for me, considering how it turned out), my mom was afraid Id be bitten by a snake; so instead of camp, she sent me to stay with the relatives who had raised her. I guess she forgot that one of her first cousins was an eighteen-year-old Greek god, and given that fact, Id surely be bitten by a snake after all only it would be the one-eyed variety.

Ever since the summer I learned about consenting, passionate, romantic, erotic, artistic sexual play, I realized I had experienced something many others would never know, so I decided to enjoy it. And enjoy it I did!

After I married and had a child, my sexual wisdom deepened when, six months after his birth, our son had a medical emergency that required me to find full-time work in order to get out of debt. Two weeks before this emergency happened, I had attended my first Pleasure Party. I remember thinking of the hostess, If she can do this, Ive found my lifes calling! Little did I know how true those words would be, even though my initial plan was to do parties for only one year. But three parties led to eighty-five bookings, and the rest, as they say, is history. I had found my niche you know, that one thing that comes into your life that, pursued, helps you become your authentic self.

Doing Pleasure Parties was a natural fit for me. All the experiences that Id ever enjoyed or would enjoy for their sexual or sensual connotations eventually were discussed at these Pleasure Parties I hosted. Each party became a revelation of information, with great recipes for the enjoyment of the flesh and all of its erotic possibilities. I realized that if women were ever to have satisfaction in their committed relationships or in their sexual relationship with themselves, they were going to have to change their resistance to pleasure as being a mans pursuit and embrace it as their own necessity as well. You could say that this is the core philosophy of this book.

Knowledge is always ongoing, as is learning through experimentation. With this book, Im hoping that people, women in particular, will begin to shed archaic, outmoded, and limiting controls that only serve to suppress their pleasure. My hope is that the next generation of women will embrace sexual honesty, responsibility, and self-acceptance in every area of their lives. Its my desire to spread the word about enjoying all the sweet sensations that we are capable of experiencing, through all the senses we have been given, without guilt or regret. We need to learn to love our bodies and believe we deserve pleasure not only in our mental relationships but in our physical ones as well.

Eastern philosophies tell us that everyone we meet can teach us something. In essence, you are either a teacher or a student in every moment of life. It is with that premise that I want to thank all of my teachers, from my parents, who taught me to love myself, to my present husband, who taught me what romantic love is all about. Aristotle said, Thank your parents for your life, but thank your teachers for the quality in that life, because knowledge is power. And it is with this knowledge that I especially want to thank my loving husband Bruce, who adores me so much that he works vigorously to be my great lover, and succeeds. It is always easiest to have fantastic sex if you know what it takes, apply the energy, and take your time. And when those necessities have been met, you are expressing physical love in its highest form, which is the greatest gift of pleasure and health God has given us that we can share.

Introduction

Although popular culture would have us believe that everyone wants and has great sex, everyone is not necessarily ready, willing, or able to discuss what he or she thinks quality sex is. Here I discuss sexual gratification rationally, clearly, candidly, and cleanly, without embarrassment.

I believe that making love is a living art. When we learn to approach and experience lovemaking as we do art, with respect and reverence, it becomes one of our greatest natural joys. I emphasize sensuality as a very creative personal process, as sensuality imaginatively uses the five senses to enhance sexual experiences. We each need to nurture, develop and take responsibility for our unique sexuality just as the artist takes does for her art.

But having genitals does not guarantee you sensual, sexual bliss. any more than owning a canvas and paintbrushes makes you an artist. Appreciation for your body and its possibilities must be gently unveiled, then slowly developed, to become part of your everyday life. The belief that sexual excitement magically happens on its own, without communication or effort, is the reason so many people are sexually dissatisfied. Even today, many women still believe that its a mans responsibility to know enough about sex and give them what they need. They dont take into account that their own individuality, sensibilities, and tastes differ from those of other women he may have experienced.

No one is born a lover. We learn from every sexual encounter, many of which are fraught with fear, shame, and inhibition. Add to that the misguided information that comes from sources such as pornography, which casts all women as sexually excited with little to no effort. And many people even describe lovemaking as bumping uglies or doing the nasty, or worse. This background chatter affects our subconscious attitudes about enjoying sex. Culturally, Americans see sex as dirty, with decent women not supposed to enjoy sex. So women are still at a great disadvantage when it comes to expecting and enjoying sexual satisfaction. And that is the whole purpose of this book: to demonstrate that sexual pleasure is not just a mans pursuit.