D.S.O. - The Dead Bedroom Fix: 2020 Edition!

THE DEAD BEDROOM FIX

BY D.S.O.

www.dadstartingover.com

Who This Book is For

This book was written for heterosexual men in long-term monogamous relationships who want more sex.

Yes, I realize that there is a growing phenomenon of women being frustrated with their own lackluster sex lives. Sorry, ladies. This book is not for you.

If you are a woman and your libido is outpacing your husband/boyfriend, I can save you a lot of time and money and give you some quick solutions to try out:

1. Concentrate on making yourself look young and pretty. Yes, its shallow and stupid. Were talking about MEN here. There is a reason why I listed this first. Dont over-think things. Men are visual creatures. Just look at porn, strip clubs, your husbands eyes as that young pretty gal walks by him, etc. Yes, the shallow stuff matters. A lot.

2. Dont be a controlling asshole. Nothing is more of a turnoff than a nagging, emasculating woman. Try empathy and sweetness, instead. Give up control and let him take over every now and then. Yes, he will make mistakes. This is not a big deal. Dont freak out on him and shame him for trying to help and trying to be a better man. The net positive return from you giving up control is far greater than the negative impact of a few silly mistakes on his part.

Loosen up. Go with the flow. Enjoy life. Enjoy your husband. Be a cool sexy chick. Submissiveness and joy are attractive.

Encourage him. I know he annoys the shit out of you half the time and youve lost a great deal of respect for him over the years, but hes your man and you want more sex, right?

3. Is he watching and masturbating to porn on a regular basis? Unfortunately, excessive consumption of porn can be addictive. It can drain him of his energy and have profoundly negative effects on his well-being and behavior. Want to be different and sexy? Watch porn with him. Make it a dirty thing you two do together as a couple. Tell him what you like. Tell him YOU want to be his porn star.

4. None of the above issues apply to your situation? Tell him to get his testosterone checked. Yes, seriously. Its not natural for a dude to turn down sex repeatedly. He should want it frequently. Something is up and it MIGHT be that his hormones are out of balance and he needs a simple tune up. Many women report that they got their husband back after he started a regimen of Testosterone Replacement Therapy.

Theres your dead bedroom fix, ladies. If these dont work, its time to move on. Youre a woman. Lets be honest you could get sex this afternoon if you wanted to. Seriously. Its a totally different ballgame for men.

Now, kindly go away. Us men need to chat about you behind your back. You are WAY more complicated than we are and this will take an entire book to break down.

Before We Get Started...

Lets get some important things out of the way.

1. Im going to assume your wife is healthy. It may seem obvious to most of you, but I have heard more than a few times:

Well, it all started when my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer

She suffers from depression and was recently put on meds. Since then, she has no libido.

We had a baby one month ago. It was a very rough pregnancy. Cesarean. We almost lost the baby. Now she has zero interest in sex.

Give the woman a break! The poor thing is a human being. Those are big roadblocks in the way of her sexual desire. Give her time and have some empathy. Be a partner to her. Get her the help that she needs.

In sickness and in health, remember?

2. Im going to assume that YOU are healthy. If you have issues that impact your day-today life (chronic disease, hormonal issues, mental health issues, etc), then your situation is officially above my pay grade. Get those issues ironed out and then come back to this book. You have bigger fish to fry, my friend.

3. You need to set aside your preconceptions of what causes sexual desire in your wife. You need to set aside your notions of what she SHOULD do as your wife and partner. You need to set aside these crippling thoughts about what you DESERVE as her man. What youve done so far is flat out not working, so its time for plan B.

Stop reading stories online from men talking about their all-too-common low libido and asexual wives and thats just how marriage is. Ninety percent of the time those stories are from men who just dont get it. They will never get it. Dont become part of the long line of men trying like hell to join the growing I AM A HELPLESS VICTIM parade. Stay away from these people. Their mindset is poisonous.

4. You may be offended by what you read in this book. Some of the things I say may seem a bit out there. It may even seem offensive. Sexist. Bone-headed. Antiquated. Misogynistic.

Fine, I get it. Really, I do. I was in your shoes years ago and wouldve laughed at a book like this back then. I was way too smart and educated. I knew better. Hindsight is 20/20, of course.

All I can tell you is that this WORKS. Feelings be damned You need solutions. From my experience, what I outline in this book is the best and most direct path to getting the sex you need.

My Story

Im a 40-something divorced dad of three kids. I care for my kids four days a week.

I work full-time (plus the world of dadstartingover.com), cook, clean, fold clothes, help with homework, play, discipline, chauffer, counsel, etc.

I have basically played the role of both mom and dad for years.

This is not exactly fun. It certainly isnt easy. Its most certainly not the life I planned for. Not by a long shot.

Its fucking exhausting.

Before becoming divorced dad extraordinaire, I endured a 15-year marriage that could be described as, roommates who once in a blue moon had sex that resulted in babies. She was just one very fertile woman and I was one very fertile dude. Dont let my three kids convince you that our sex life was abundant. It wasnt. At all. It was, by definition, a very dead bedroom.

My ex-wife: I dont know why I dont feel like having sex. I just dont.

To make a very long and very painful story short, fifteen years into our marriage (and twenty years as a couple) she was caught in a physical affair with another man. I regrettably found out ALL of the dirty little details (thank you, mobile phone technology). Yes, I caught the affair early on, but my low libido wife was still more than able to muster up enough energy to get a WHOLE LOT of crazy sex done in those few short months.

After I saw the evidence of the affair and all of the dirty details, I said what every man in my position says:

She did THAT with HIM? She would never do THAT with ME?!

I endured years of almost zero intimacy during our marriage. I thought the kind of closeness, affection and filthy sex I craved only happened in movies. I was very wrong. The real-life porn movie was happening alright but my character didnt have a role in those sexy scenes. My scenes involved changing diapers and mowing the lawn.

I felt cheated. I felt like a dumb schmuck that was taken advantage of. I was hurt, angry and confused. My entire world was turned upside down. My past, my current life and my future were all called into question with one horrible act by my wife.

I experienced very real depression or the first time in my life.

Looking back on my early childhood, I never saw true romance or lustfulness with my parents. I didnt see it with my friends parents, either. Later in life, I didnt see it with most of my adult friends and their marriages.

Everyone just acted like roommates with kids. Two boring people going through the motions and running the family machine.

I just figured this was the way marriage was. Boring, but necessary. Its something we all go through in life, right? We learn that we need to temper our expectations and be grateful for what we have. Not everything has to be wine and roses. Sometimes you must ENDURE hardship for the greater good of the family and community. Just because you WANT something doesnt mean you get it. Thats how life works.