Pam Spurr - Sensational Sex: The Revolutionary Guide To Sexual Pleasure & Fulfilment

For Nick, thank you for being mine.

Acknowledgements

Warmest thanks to everyone who has talked candidly to me about their sex lives and experiences. Without your stories, feelings and opinions it would have been impossible to write this book. Id also like to acknowledge the many friends whove shared personal anecdotes with me about their sex lives and relationships these have been very helpful in deciding what sex tips and techniques to include.

Thanks as always to Jeremy Robson for his enthusiasm and support and to Barbara Phelan for her skilful editing.

Finally, although this book may appear to be exclusively for straight singles and couples, Id like to acknowledge the many gay, lesbian and bisexual people whove shared their stories with me. I hope that any person of any sexual orientation will get some benefit or pleasure from the suggestions in this book.

CONTENTS

Sensational And Safer Sex
It is extremely important for your sexual health and emotional well-being that you take on board the message of safer and responsible sex. As an author, I cannot take responsibility for this aspect of your life.

There are a few main aspects to safer sex you need to consider. Firstly, do not leave safer-sex issues up to a lover. You should know about using condoms and other methods promoting safer sex properly. If you dont, read the condom packet carefully so that you do know. You should be able to ask any lover to use condoms and if they wont then they arent someone you should be sleeping with. After all if they dont care about your sexual health then they probably havent cared for their own.

If youre not confident with condoms you can read my Condom Confidence tips in Chapter 7. Furthermore you should understand that you are at risk of contracting an STI (sexually transmitted infection) during oral and/or anal sex practices too if you dont use safer-sex methods. These are outlined in Chapter 6 for oral sex and Chapter 9 for anal sex.

If youve been with your lover for some time and want to stop using condoms, you should both go for an STI screen at a sexual health clinic. This will give you the all-clear to stop using condoms and start using other methods of birth control

unless youre planning to get pregnant. Alternatively, if one/both of you has an STI you can receive the appropriate treatment while you continue to use condoms.

As well as your sexual health, you should consider issues about your emotional well-being if choosing to sleep with someone you dont know. Always exercise caution when looking for a new sexual partner. To become a sensational lover you need to think through all aspects of your new or established sexual relationship and that includes these very important issues of health and well-being.

1 Let the Revolution Begin
Do You Think You Have a Sex Problem?

Lets begin as we mean to go on with complete honesty and get right to the heart of the problem with sex! Before I take you through a wealth of sex techniques to try in the coming chapters, Id like you to start thinking about a couple of important issues. My purpose here is not to outline a detailed theory of human sexuality but to get you to sit up and evaluate your attitudes towards sex that may be preventing you from having sensational sex. Ill do this by running a revolutionary idea or two past you.

Id like to know if youd answer Yes to any of the following questions:

Do you feel inadequate when it comes to sex?

Do you believe you have a problem with sex of some type?

Have you been made to feel that something is wrong with you sexually? Or maybe that somethings not right between you and your lover?

After sex do you wonder where the pleasures gone?

As a man, do you lose your erection sometimes? Or maybe at times you cant get one?

Does the thought of sex actually turn you off, when once upon a time it mightve turned you on? Or do you find you get aroused but then you cant fully enjoy sex?

If you answered Yes to any of those, or similar questions, Im sure you think you have a genuine sex problem. However, I want you to know right now that I doubt if you have one. Yes, thats about the most important message about sex that you can ever come to accept and understand! Once and for all, were going to sort out this negative state of affairs, where you believe you have a sex problem. When I say sex problem many sex researchers, therapists and experts will say sexual dysfunction. But as you probably use the term sex problem, from here on in when I use that term I also mean sexual dysfunction.

Perhaps, if youre lucky, you dont feel that you have a sex problem but youre reading Sensational Sex simply to improve your sex life. I will of course help you to do this with absolutely loads of sensational sex tricks, tips and ideas. But what I have to say in this introductory chapter is important for you too, so keep reading and dont skip to the next chapter. Id go so far as to say that right now Im cracking my leather fetish whip insisting you dont skip chapters!

Im going to outline my revolutionary approach to sex for you an approach that turns our thinking about sex and sex problems on its head. And it really is that straightforward you need to turn your thinking around by 180 degrees when it comes to how you view sex, because it is the belief that you have a sex problem that in 99 per cent of cases ruins sexual enjoyment. If you take on board my revolutionary approach, this in turn greatly increases your chance to enjoy sensational sex.

This is incredibly important, I cant emphasise this point enough, because when people start talking about so-called sex problems, believing they have one, they create issues where in the majority of cases they dont exist.
Sex Problems Versus Sex Symptoms
Putting aside medical problems that may lead to side effects including a Sex Symptom, problems specific to sexual func- tion are in actual fact rare. For example, its rare for a woman or man to have nerve damage in their genitals that prevents them from feeling sexually aroused or prevents sexual fulfilment. Equally, for example, its unusual for a man or a woman to have damage to the nerve pathways in their brain that prevents impulses of sexual arousal getting to important brain centres. Believe me, there are very few real sex problems that originate in the genitals or the nerve pathways up to, and into, the brain centres of sexual pleas- ure. Except of course those things that are the symptoms of something else going on in your life.