2014 by Laura Petherbridge
Published by Bethany House Publishers
11400 Hampshire Avenue South
Bloomington, Minnesota 55438
www.bethanyhouse.com
Bethany House Publishers is a division of
Baker Publishing Group, Grand Rapids, Michigan
www . bakerpublishinggroup . com
Ebook edition created 2014
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meansfor example, electronic, photocopy, recordingwithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
ISBN 978-1-4412-6416-9
Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible, New International Readers Version. NIrV. Copyright 1995, 1996, 1998 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com
Scripture quotations identified CEV are from the Contemporary English Version 1991, 1992, 1995 by American Bible Society. Used by permission.
Scripture quotations identified ESV and the epigraph in chapter 3 are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version (ESV), copyright 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. ESV Text Edition: 2007
Scripture quotations identified The Message are from The Message by Eugene H. Peterson, copyright 1993, 1994, 1995, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations identified NIV 1984 are from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 Biblica. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations identified NLT and the epigraph in chapter 6 are from the Holy Bible , New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
Author is represented by Books & Such Literary Agency.
Cover design by Paul Higdon
Laura Petherbridge has hit a home run with 101 Tips for the Smart Stepmom ! As someone who has walked a mile in stepmom shoes, Laura accurately provides wisdom, help, and hope for any woman dating, engaged, or married to a man with kids. Theres a good reason why shes called The Smart Stepmom!
Brenda Ockun, publisher, StepMom Magazine
Across all families, a stepmoms role is among the most challenging. She is easily sabotaged, frequently confused, and often isolated. Like a warm blanket on a winter night, this book will wrap you in hope and provide practical tools for your survival toolbox. A seasoned, experienced stepmom, Laura Petherbridge is the best author and speaker I know for stepmoms; reading this book is like having her over for coffee and being mentored by her practical wisdom and insight. Buy it... read it... and share it with a friend.
Ron L. Deal, director, FamilyLife Blended and bestselling author of The Smart Stepfamily and The Smart Stepdad
101 Tips for the Smart Stepmom is packed full of experiences from a stepmom who knows the excruciating pain and the exhilarating joy of embracing the role of motherhood with children she did not birth, but longs to nurture. If you have questions, the answers are here! This extraordinary resource is also excellent for Christian leaders who minister to blended families. Laura Petherbridge has written a book that every stepmom should read. Dont miss it.
Carol Kent, speaker and author, Unquenchable: Grow a Wildfire Faith That Will Endure Anything (Zondervan)
The role of a stepmom is vitalbut sometimes difficult. Laura Petherbridge offers time-tested tips and words of wisdom and encouragement to help a stepmom walk with love through the maze of blended-family living.
Pam Farrel, coauthor of Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti and author of Becoming a Brave New Woman
To my mother, Roberta :
Thank you for working so hard as a single-parent mom to provide for Mark and me, and for always loving and supporting me. I love you.
To my grandchildren , Colin and Erin:
You are the greatest perk to being a stepmom. Im so grateful that God has given me the gift ofyou! Always remember, Nana loves you .
Contents
Cover
Title Page
Copyright Page
Endorsements
Dedication
Acknowledgments
Introduction
Chapter 1 Why Is It So Complicated?
Tip 1 Accept That Stepfamilies Are Founded on Loss
Tip 2 Learn Why and Where the Pain Exists
Tip 3 Embrace Whats Normal
Tip 4 Recognize That Each Child Is Different
Tip 5 What to Do When You Feel Outside the Circle
Tip 6 Encourage Your Hubby to Spend Time With His Kids
Tip 7 Help Your Hubby Heal
Tip 8 Understand That the Ex-Wife Is Here to Stay, Even if Shes Gone
Tip 9 Discover How to Let Go
Tip 10 Release the Guilt
Tip 11 Keep an Eye on Your Own Child
Tip 12 Build a Bridge
Tip 13 Avoid the D Word
Tip 14 Create a Spa for the Soul
Tip 15 Look at His Single-Parenting Days
Tip 16 Is Your Husband Parenting out of Fear or Guilt?
Tip 17 What If It Were MY Child?
Tip 18 Explore How Your Hubby Was Parented
Tip 19 Research How Children Cope With Loss
Tip 20 Encourage; Dont Emasculate
Tip 21 Set Healthy Boundaries
Tip 22 Learn What Hill to Die On
Tip 23 Communicate Productively
Tip 24 Help Your Hubby Articulate
Tip 25 Stop Stepping Into Your Husbands RoleEven if He Wont Step Up
Tip 26 Decide Whether You Want to Be RightOr Married
Tip 27 Accept That the Church Might Not Be Equipped
Chapter 3 Will We Ever Get Along?The Ex-Wife-in-Law
Tip 28 Reverse the Roles
Tip 29 Repeat After Me: You Cant Control Her
Tip 30 Acknowledge That She Is the Mom
Tip 31 Clarify Your Intentions
Tip 32 Communicate Clearly With Your Husband
Tip 33 Prepare for Difficult Situations or Lies
Tip 34 Pay What Was Promised
Tip 35 Dont Throw Gasoline on the Fire
Tip 36 Overcome Evil With Good
Tip 37 You Cant Fix Crazy
Tip 38 Learn That Hurt People, Hurt People
Tip 39 Provide Stability in the Home
Chapter 4 The Full-Time StepmomWhen Mom Is Missing
Tip 40 There Will Be Grief
Tip 41 Guard Your Heart
Tip 43 The Kids Want Dad
Tip 44 Its Not YOU!
Tip 45 Comfort the Broken Heart
Tip 46 Carve Out Couple Time
Tip 47 Pray
Chapter 5 Things I Wish My Stepmom Knew: A Different Perspective
Tip 48 It Feels Like I Lost My Dad
Tip 49 I Like You
Tip 50 My Mom Hates You
Tip 51 I Dont Like Sharing My Dad With Your Kids/Grandkids
Tip 52 Thanks for Making My Dad Happy Again
Tip 53 Why Do You Dislike Me?
Tip 54 Thanks for Reaching Out to Me
Tip 55 My Dad Is Acting Like a Teenager. Its Ridiculous.
Tip 56 I Can Tell You Things I Cant Tell My Parents
Tip 57 Are You Getting My Inheritance?
Tip 58 I Feel Terrible for the Way Ive Treated You
Chapter 6 The Childless and Child-Free StepmomUnique Challenges
Tip 59 When Your Husband Believes You Already Have Kids
Tip 60 Coping With Infertility
Tip 61 When Adoption Is an Option
Tip 62 When Your Husband Changes His Mind
Tip 63 Should We Consider the Kids?
Tip 64 Ignore Judgmental Attitudes
Tip 65 Instant Motherhood: A Culture Shock
Tip 66 Overcoming Guilt and Shame
Tip 67 Answering Mommy Questions
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